BP: Barf-o-rama

We'll keep doing what we're doing, giving a few thoughts on this oil spill of a show and then read what you guys have to say.

• Network television is an exclusive club. Only the best of the best get to work on the dreck they put out over the airwaves. Any doofus could come up with a pie-eating contest but the big brains at the network give it that extra oomph – no hands! Genius! Clear that spot on your mantle for your Emmy Awards now. I cut them some slack for Twister last week just because of the numerous crotch shots, but pie eating? Gross on so many levels.
• Is it rude to say I thought Nikki would win in a cakewalk? Er, piewalk? But no, it was Gia. And the Weatherman. The producers have got to do a better job with the always obvious foreshadowing. Last week, Craig absolutely had to win Twister; it was the only way he could stick around. This week, there's no way the slight Gia and the Weatherman could possibly win... and they do.
• It's a veritable barf-fest. But that's gotta be status quo for Gia, the swimsuit model, right? Eat, purge, eat, purge.
• Why did they force the women to be interviewed with pie on their faces? Or was it they just couldn't feel it over the collagen?
• Cute Melissa, the pretend host, does not suit pumps. Also, she's pregnant and shouldn't be wearing them.
• Jonathan, the Weatherman, fakes a love interest in Gwen. He can't believe all they have in common: they both love tennis, they both love to be creative, they both love Positano, Italy, they both love dudes. Gwen, to her credit, says it's not gonna happen in a million years.
• I get who the insiders and outsiders are, but I was a little confused about the implications of who to keep and who to get rid of. Why the cabals? Why not just everyone vote blindly not knowing what the others are doing? But I guess we need the whispering and backstabbing.
• But if the outsiders need to take over the house, why is it so important that Kypton, the most benign of the insiders, be the one to go? Why not any of the other jerky insider guys?
• Gia turned quick, didn't she? She's the only one in a "committed relationship" and told Craig to his face he'd get the rose, but the second she came under Wes's Texas charms, she wilted. Not only does she prove herself to be a liar, but also someone not all that committed.
• I love it when Tenley cries. Next to Lucille Ball, her cry is my favourite TV cry of all time.
• Who chose Chris Harrison's shirt and tie? The same person who came up with the pie-eating contest, I'm guessing. And possibly the same person who chose Natalie's tu-tu.
  
• Still no results of the votes. I can't be on board with that. The people have a right to know! Not only that, but the contestants have a right to know who else got votes.
  
• The Canadians get the boot. Typical. Tell me that wasn't planned by the producers. There's no way they let a Canuck take home a quarter of a million U.S. dollars (American readers might be interested to know that Canadians don't have to pay taxes on prizes and lotto winnings, although I guess they'd have to pay some American tax if that's where they got the money). So long Jessie and Craig. We hardly knew ye.
  
• Gia wonders who it was who stabbed the outsiders in the back. She said one person fucked them. Well, boo-freakin'-hoo for her. I never believed in karma until tonight. Hopefully she'll be voted off soon and goes home to an empty apartment. She won't even have Wes because that cowboy can't be tied down. Or trusted. No siree, love don't come easy. Or so they say.
  

There you go. What did I miss?