BP: The comeuppance

This was an important week for Bachelor Pad. After a strong first episode, they followed up with a pie-eating contest. I'm guessing they lost a lot of viewers last week. And lots more were sent to the fence, where they are now perched precariously.

So where are we? I dunno. The show is frustrating as hell, but I think it picked up a bit over last week. But a kissing contest will do that.

So, as per usual, some random thoughts:

• I can't believe no one called Gia out over her deceit last week while she was blaming poor old Nikki for voting out Craig.
• I'm not a master strategist, but I still don't get why it was so important to the outsiders that Kiptyn be the one to be voted out last week. I get that they want break up the couples, but he wasn't the only one in a shallow relationship.
• What the hell is Melissa doing? Her jobs this week were twofold: Explain the contest and silently hand out the roses.
• Ashley, a teacher we learn tonight, backed out of the kissing contest because she doesn't want to lose the respect of her students. Um, okay. But like your virginity, you can't lose something you already lost.
• When Ashley bowed out, she took off her blindfold, saw all the guys standing in line with numbers around their necks, then went back inside with the other girls. Later we saw them all talking amongst themselves while the contest was still going on about who was who.
• Gia withdrew halfway through, in tears. She has a boyfriend back home, doncha know? And she'd never do anything to hurt him.
• I was hoping they'd put Melissa in Gia's place just to give her something else to do.
• Jonathan, the Weatherman, was the litmus test for the ladies. Most couldn't even fake a meaningful kiss with the guy, but Natalie, who says she'd make out with any guy there for 20 bucks, and Elizabeth both thrust their tongues into his mouth. Classic post-kiss reactions by them, rubbing away the germs, while innocent Jonathan's pants got tighter.
• I'm going to harp on this every week, but in all competitions I want to see the results. That is, I want to know where all the votes went. Don't just tell me the final result. I also think it'd make for better strategy for everyone there to know exactly who was getting votes for what. Not to mention making it seem more on the up-and-up.
• David and Peyton won the competition. My first reaction: Who's Peyton?
• David got to go to Vegas with Nikki, Krisily and Natalie. They go to a topless pool and Natalie is the only one who shines (so to speak). She even said she'd take off her pants if David did. Needless to say, she got the rose. Let that be a lesson for the ladies. On the way back home, Nikki says, "Maybe we should have gone topless." Uh, yeah. Are you in it to win it or what?
• David and Natalie get to forgo their individual rooms for a night in the fantasy suite. They get it on, but mum's the word. As Dave says, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Now I know what that means. But I'm sure Natalie will blurt it out at some point. They are now a couple. And a perfect match, I'd say.
  
• Peyton took Kovacs, Kiptyn and Jesse drag racing. She gives the rose to Jesse and their fantasy suite is back at the mansion. It looks very ordinary. Why don't they just call it what it is: the Sex Room.
• Kiptyn flat-out lies to Peyton. And he's good at it. He looks like a good guy but he's obviously a sociopath.
• I love that Elizabeth was all verklempt over the date Kovacs went on when she tongued every guy in the house. And I love that Kovacs tells us that Elizabeth is ruining things for him. She is a nervous breakdown waiting to happen.
• Okay, she's not the only one. I fear for Tenley's psychological health.
• Gia continued to be a piece of work this week, flirting outrageously with Wes. "If I leave, I better see you... If I were to be tempted in the house, Wes would be the guy to do it..." Yeah, keep it in the subjunctive. That way you have an out with your boyfriend.
• Wes croons the hit we've all grown to know and loathe. My wife said, "Does he have no other songs?" Why should he? Every woman he plays it to melts. That piece of nasal crap is the biggest aphrodisiac in the world, it appears. It got Gia to go ga-ga about what a talented, beautiful person Wes is. He's a "modern day Shakespeare but better and cuter!" And if Shakespeare had zero talent.
  
• Gia tells Kiptyn, who she tried to boot off last week, "I think you know I'm pretty honest." Yeah, tell that to Craig, who you promised would get the rose.
• Elizabeth may be a lot of negative things, but she's not stupid or unaware. She says about the Weatherman, "I don't think he's funny; I don't think he's cute."
• What was Wes going on about with his strategizing? If Elizabeth doesn't get sent home, Kovacs will be the next to go. Even if that were true, what difference would it make to anyone?
• The Weatherman finally got sent home, just in time for hurricane season. There was a tie between Gia and Elizabeth. David, the contest winner, got to make the final decision: See ya later Gia. She gets her comeuppance. On her way out she tells Wes she loves him. She's gone back to her wonderful boyfriend and no doubt spent the next few weeks keeping him away from the TV. Who knows? Maybe she arranged a vacation with him to Antarctica.
  

Has the show lost anyone? You all still with it?

BP: Barf-o-rama

We'll keep doing what we're doing, giving a few thoughts on this oil spill of a show and then read what you guys have to say.

• Network television is an exclusive club. Only the best of the best get to work on the dreck they put out over the airwaves. Any doofus could come up with a pie-eating contest but the big brains at the network give it that extra oomph – no hands! Genius! Clear that spot on your mantle for your Emmy Awards now. I cut them some slack for Twister last week just because of the numerous crotch shots, but pie eating? Gross on so many levels.
• Is it rude to say I thought Nikki would win in a cakewalk? Er, piewalk? But no, it was Gia. And the Weatherman. The producers have got to do a better job with the always obvious foreshadowing. Last week, Craig absolutely had to win Twister; it was the only way he could stick around. This week, there's no way the slight Gia and the Weatherman could possibly win... and they do.
• It's a veritable barf-fest. But that's gotta be status quo for Gia, the swimsuit model, right? Eat, purge, eat, purge.
• Why did they force the women to be interviewed with pie on their faces? Or was it they just couldn't feel it over the collagen?
• Cute Melissa, the pretend host, does not suit pumps. Also, she's pregnant and shouldn't be wearing them.
• Jonathan, the Weatherman, fakes a love interest in Gwen. He can't believe all they have in common: they both love tennis, they both love to be creative, they both love Positano, Italy, they both love dudes. Gwen, to her credit, says it's not gonna happen in a million years.
• I get who the insiders and outsiders are, but I was a little confused about the implications of who to keep and who to get rid of. Why the cabals? Why not just everyone vote blindly not knowing what the others are doing? But I guess we need the whispering and backstabbing.
• But if the outsiders need to take over the house, why is it so important that Kypton, the most benign of the insiders, be the one to go? Why not any of the other jerky insider guys?
• Gia turned quick, didn't she? She's the only one in a "committed relationship" and told Craig to his face he'd get the rose, but the second she came under Wes's Texas charms, she wilted. Not only does she prove herself to be a liar, but also someone not all that committed.
• I love it when Tenley cries. Next to Lucille Ball, her cry is my favourite TV cry of all time.
• Who chose Chris Harrison's shirt and tie? The same person who came up with the pie-eating contest, I'm guessing. And possibly the same person who chose Natalie's tu-tu.
  
• Still no results of the votes. I can't be on board with that. The people have a right to know! Not only that, but the contestants have a right to know who else got votes.
  
• The Canadians get the boot. Typical. Tell me that wasn't planned by the producers. There's no way they let a Canuck take home a quarter of a million U.S. dollars (American readers might be interested to know that Canadians don't have to pay taxes on prizes and lotto winnings, although I guess they'd have to pay some American tax if that's where they got the money). So long Jessie and Craig. We hardly knew ye.
  
• Gia wonders who it was who stabbed the outsiders in the back. She said one person fucked them. Well, boo-freakin'-hoo for her. I never believed in karma until tonight. Hopefully she'll be voted off soon and goes home to an empty apartment. She won't even have Wes because that cowboy can't be tied down. Or trusted. No siree, love don't come easy. Or so they say.
  

There you go. What did I miss?

Bachelor Pad: Bringing out the best in everyone

So... Bachelor Pad. I said I wouldn't blog on it and I'm not. Although here I am. But I didn't write while watching. Didn't take notes. I just thought I'd jot down a few thoughts after the fact as a way to spur on comments from everyone else. This can be your place to share your views and we can all be in on this together. I'll go first; you add your take on it in the comments section.

• I think I like this show more than the Bachelor/ette! It is that good/bad. It's awesomeness at its most awesome.
• Bachelor Pad is the perfect name because it sure seems like all the women are extra hormonal.
  
• The terminally cute Melissa Rycroft is the new Vanna White. Why is she even on the show? Give her a role, put her in a bikini (I don't care if she's pregnant), or get her off. But don't just have her standing around looking cute while Chris Harrison does all the heavy lifting.
• I don't know if Elizabeth Kitt looks worse with her blonde 'do or if she's just uglier on the inside and it's just making its way out. Man, that woman can play games, can't she? Great game strategy getting the unrequited love of your life to pretend to love you back, but I'm not so sure it's a sound life strategy.
• You all know I kinda had a thing for the psycho Michelle Kujawa. I really, really wanted her to stick around. Not just because I love her look, but because she's certifiable. She'd have been great in the weeks ahead as things get even more ramped up.
• How rigged was that competition? I mean, all the girls want Craig McKinnon (aka the Sarnia Sleaze) voted off and surprise, surprise he wins the big Twister competition. Speaking of that game, we finally have proof these people are not in Mensa. I couldn't believe so many don't know right from left.
• Something else I didn't know: that Jessie Sulidis had such a hot little body. She's more than just a rat, it turns out. Or she's a rat with a killer bod. I shouldn't be surprised since she always reminded me of Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island and I always liked Mary Ann way more than Ginger.
• I still can't stand the Weather Man, Jonathan Novack. And how much time off can he get from being a weather man? Doesn't he have a job? Hell, don't any of them have jobs? Is Ali the only one who cares about her employer?
• Tenley Molzhan... so much for America's sweetheart. What I can't figure out is why all these beautiful young people with a small measure of fame are still single. With all they have going for them, if they can't find someone to love, it's time for them to look in that deep, dark, truthful mirror.
• Yes, I know Gia Allemand and her fake cat lips apparently have a boyfriend. But we'll see how long that lasts.
• Peyton, Ashley, Krisily, and especially Gwen: I have no idea who you are. But I love the fact that Gwen, who's obviously had some work done and was on the second season way back whenever that was, gives her age as ??. She's a lady, you see. And a lady never reveals her age... once she reaches 40.
  

That's it from me. Your turn. Don't be shy.