Bachelor Canada: 6 + 5 + 1 = everyone

Anyone out there? I got no comments last week so I can't get a sense of how people are liking this maple leaf edition of the Bachelor. I'm digging it. That is, I find it no better or worse than the American version. But I'd love to hear what others think. I don't think Americans are watching/can watch. I doubt anyone else in the world is interested. Canada's got a tiny population, relatively speaking. So who's with me?

This week 12 ladies were left freezing their butts off in Victoria. Yes, it's a mild climate, but when I saw them sitting outside the mansion in bikinis next to cherry blossoms, I knew they must have been told to look the part. Spring is lovely in Victoria, but it ain't exactly bikini weather. Then I noticed a shot of one of them sitting under a blanket. That made more sense. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the scenery.

Right off the bat the host dude (someone's definitely gotta mention his name at some point every show just so we learn it) told everyone there'd be a 1-on-1 date, a 5-on-1 date, and a 6-on-1 date. My handy-dandy calculator app tells me 1 + 5 + 6 = 12. Coincidentally, the exact same number as the women left. Would that stop them from fretting they might not get to go on a date? Noooo!

Kara, the softball player from across the water in Delta, was chosen for the 1-on-1. The evil Whitney squinted and said she was her only competition. Don't know where that came from. Then the Canadian producers took a tip from their American counterparts and sliced in a clip of Whitney saying, "I hate this girl and I want her gone." No reference to who she was talking about. Could have been anyone. But it fit here so they put it in. There's absolutely no way Whitney would say that about the lovely Kara.

Kara was a great choice for the solo date. What a great and ready laugh she has. Brad led her to... a helicopter! I know, I know, been there, done that. But wait. This one was orange! How about now, huh?! Excited just a little bit? And the pilot was a woman! They're changing things up on Bachelor Canada!

So off they went from Victoria all the way to southwestern Alberta. I had no ideas helicopters could make such long flights. I wonder how many days that took.

They arrived at a ranch for a horseback riding adventure. When they got there, the cowboy who ran the place said, "Have you ever rode a horse before?" No, neither of them had, to which he added, "We promise we won't laugh too hard." Okay, and we promise not to laugh at your poor grammar.

Not only did they have to ride horses – not a particularly easy feat for a greenhorn – but they had to wrangle cattle, too. Or at least stand around while the real cowboys did.

That night the couple had dinner in a "romantic barn". I hope they had fire extinguishers nearby for all those candles sitting on haystacks. Kara revealed that she still lives at home. Not only that, but she hangs out with her parents. She's a down-to-earth gal and they made a decent pair. She was handed a rose, which she gladly accepted before a big smooch.

Back in Victoria, the beautiful but thus-far-dateless-in-18-days Nicole said she'd be devastated if she didn't get to go on a date. Whitney was shocked she wasn't on the first date card, too. It's conceivable they didn't actually know how many would get to go, but if that's the case, don't tell the viewers off the top that everyone's going because the fake drama ain't working.

From Alberta, Brad flew down to Mexico for his 5-on-1 date. Presumably Kara got the chopper to herself back to Victoria. Down in Mexico a mariachi band played poolside for the bikini-clad quintet. Bianka drew all attention to her backside with a half-thong-type number. Maybe she was trying to woo back her former lover, Kris Humphries. He certainly goes for rear ends, having dumped Bianka for one of the Kardashians (I don't keep up with the trash but I know each one of the sisters possesses ample booty).

The girls were giddy when Brad took off his shirt and showed off his six pack. He took Gabby away for a chat and for a brief moment she seemed normal. He was very attracted to the feisty one. As well he should be. She's like a less stable Paula Abdul. She told him that it takes a very secure guy to be with her and not a lot of people can handle her sense of humour. To date she's shown zero signs of a sense of humour but I'll take it at her word that she has one.

Who knows what else they did but sit at a pool, or for how long, but TV-wise it was very short. Then Brad let them know there'd be no rose (despite Gabrielle clinging on to one that wasn't mentioned), but one lucky lady would get to go on a date with him while the other four would fly back to Victoria that very night.

Bianka with the former Mr. Kardashian

Bianka was chosen for the date. Her hard-to-get attitude was intriguing to Brad. He sensed she had been hurt before and she confirmed his suspicions. She had her heart broken by a professional athlete so she was a bit gun-shy to get in there with Brad, forgetting that a) as a CFL player, he barely qualifies as a professional athlete, and b) his brief career is over. But she was thrilled to get the date, which was Gabby's cue for her weekly "She's not here for the right reasons" claim. That girl keeps flip-flopping between semi-normal and full-on psycho. At least she's not afraid to say it right to Bianka's face. "People get offended when I tell the truth," she said. Can't understand why.

Brad took Bianka on a 62-foot yacht to a private island. She and Brad got some sun on the deck. He laid on his back and she laid on her stomach. Her thick g--string got no camera time, though. Not that I was keeping track. We could have used subtitles here because I missed a chunk of their dialogue as it competed with the wind and surf. Then they drank wine on the island and Brad was smitten.

At the mansion, the last date card arrived and Whitney was confidant her name was going to be on it. Smart one, that Whitney. And sure enough, she was right! She and everyone else who was left were going to Sooke, about a half-hour's drive away. But it was kind of a cool date. The six women got to compete in a lumberjack competition. Brad, the supposed jock, kept calling it a "3 versus 3" competition. Who says that? It's 3-on-3. Maybe he was told to say it that way so as not to confuse it with date cards.

On team pink were the virginal Chantelle, the lovely Julia Louis-Dreyfus lookalike Laura B., and the bilingual Sophie. The blue team consisted of evil Whitney, curly-headed Michelle, and gorgeous Nicole. There'd be log climbing, jousting on a plank over a shallow pool, and cross-cut sawing.

The log climbing looked the most fun. Laura went against Michelle and team pink was first to ring the bell. In the jousting, Whitney, whose breasts are not yet paid for, told her opponent Sophie, "whack me in the face as hard as you can but don't hit my chest."

The evil one pulled this one out in a lacklustre affair. That would leave the sawing to decide things. Chantelle and Sophie bested Nicole and Michelle. Not sure how they chose the final contestants, but Whitney said, "I probably would have won that event." She thought she had the stronger teammates but she realized she was wrong. That's called being a good teammate. Look it up. Now Chantelle, Laura and Sophie got to go out with Brad. Whitney said, "I can't believe I pushed Sophie in that frickin' water and now she's going on a date with him." Oh, and she squinted her eyes to convey evil, just like her acting coaches taught her.

The three gals and Brad went to Sooke Harbour House and you'll never guess who was playing when they arrived!... No, you'll never guess because you've never heard of him... Actually, maybe you have. I pride myself on not knowing bad contemporary country singers. But Chantelle and Laura not only knew this guy without prompting, but they knew his song and were singing along to it. Go figure. His name was Dean Brody. Maybe he's big enough to be on Google. You can check for yourself.

Laura got some alone time with Brad and she was eager to show him that she's not "Miss Drama" all the time. She was embarrassed by her actions at the house that night when she got all verklempt and thought she could go home even after having a great date with Brad. Brad said the fear is that her actions will repeat themselves, but he was very kind. Relieved, she face-attacked him, tongue first.

Meanwhile, Chantelle told Brad that her last relationship was four years ago. Not only that, her last kiss was four years ago. Not only that, she's actually dated since then. Ergo, she hasn't kissed on any of those dates. Ergo... yeah, we get it. But that's all she said. Then she started fretting that she needed to tell him the whole story, as if he hadn't already put two and two together. Yup, she's a... a... a "girl of values." Say what? Oh, right. She means she's a virgin (giggle). And guess what? Brad didn't care. Or, more realistically, he hid his total enthusiasm nicely and came off as kind and caring. He kissed her. To no surprise, she didn't return the kiss. Does that count as a kiss in her registry of kisses? If not, maybe that's how she's still a virgin. Maybe guys have sex with her, but she just lies there.

Brad said, "She's got some serious guts and that's such an attractive quality."Back at the mansion, Chantelle and Britany take a bath together to talk about what happened.

Wait. Run that by me again? They took a bath together? Oh, she's that kind of virgin! I get it now.

Not really. They were wearing bikinis. You know, as girls and pastors do together. Perfectly natural.

Brad felt no need for a cocktail party. In fact, he was so disgusted with his options [my interpretation] he decided to send home double the allotment he was supposed to send packing. Instead of two leaving, he called an audible and said four would hit the proverbial showers. Not clear on the reason. And after seeing his choices, not clear on those, either.

Kara had a rose, so only seven more would be handed out. And they went in order to Chantelle (which is a decent decision), Gabrielle (crazy), Britany (I have no real handle on who this person is other than she likes to bathe with women of the cloth), Ana (meh), Bianka (blah), Laura (yay!), and Whitney (evil incarnate). As you can guess by my parenthetical remarks, I'm cheering for Laura and Chantelle. Oh, and Kara. I hope all three of them take a bath together at some point.

That's right, the gorgeous Nicole, who didn't get to go on a single date, was given the old heave-ho. What gives? Also gone is the delightful Sophie, as well as Tia, who made no impression on me one way or the other, and Michelle, the yoga instructor who's not very good at climbing logs.

I could buy the fact he wanted to send home four this week so he could have more time with those that are left, but when the upcoming highlights showed us that he's sending home another four next week, whittling down the number of women to a final four, it makes me believe this is not all his doing. Maybe the show ran out of money. You can't string those four finalists for more than two or three weeks. The producers must be pulling the plug. Oh well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Will you?

Bachelor Canada: The virgin & the playmate

Love, Canadian style

Here we are again for another exciting edition of Bachelor Blogger, Canadian style. I just took a look at the stats thinking I'd see only Canadians checking in here this past week. But there are international visitors to this page. Sure, they could be accidental tourists, but I'll take 'em. Maybe they're ex-pats. Whatever, good to have you.

Maybe it's because I was expecting the worst, but I'm enjoying this northern version of the Bachelor. Canadians have an innate suspicion of Canadian TV. Chalk it up to being the neighbours of show biz central, but also chalk it up to that our TV generally sucks a ton of hard ass. Or should I say 'tonne'? That always confuses me. But Bachelor Canada is doing a fine job of looking like the American version, with the same compelling/frustrating story lines. Well done, whoever it is who's doing it. The mansion is extremely mansion-like, the helicopters are very helicopterish, and the locales are as equally located on a map.

As for the host, he's okay, although I can't remember his name. I told you last week he looked like a giant next to Bachelor Brad. I thought there was an off-chance Brad was just tiny, but I think we can safely assume Host Boy (until I learn his name) is actually a pituitary case. Did you notice his black sweater at the start of the show? It was the most ill-fitting piece of clothing I've ever seen on a human being. I'm guessing it was way too small for him. I realize it's hip to wear your shirt untucked hanging out from the sweater, but even granting that he looked like a kid going into a new grade wearing last year's clothes.

It's not just a mountain anymore

Our Canadian gals proved they can be just as vapid as any American women we see on TV. When the first date card arrived saying they'd be off to the Big Easy, not a one of them knew what that meant. Some thought it might be a mountain in Hawaii, one wondered if it wasn't New York's nickname. Sigh.

Isn't it unusual that a regular date would travel so far away? Usually everyone goes to a new city en masse before they divvy up dates. But this time, eight women were selected to fly from Vancouver Island to Louisiana. First, though, they had to shave their legs for the long plane ride.

While in New Orleans, they went to what looked like a brothel. A small jazz ensemble greeted them and out came the madam, who proceeded to strip. Only it wasn't stripping, it's "the art of tease." This distinction allowed the Giggly Pastor Chantelle to participate, but it was touch and go for a while. You see, she works with children and she wants them to be proud of what they see. Pride cometh before the fall, don't it? Makes you wonder why she applied to become a contestant on this show if she was worried about showing off her sinful side. "I'm a woman of faith," she said, "but I also want to fall in love." Okay, fair enough. Now shut up and take off your clothes.

She nailed the, er, presentation. Watching her moves, you'd never guess she's still a virgin. But then turn up the volume and hear the giggles and it all starts to makes sense.

Chantelle got the rose, as well she should. I have to agree with Brad on that one. She's totally cute and seems like a great person. The giggling might eventually wear you down, like, say, after about ten minutes, but she's in my top five for sure.

[Okay, let's do a top 5. I reserve the right to change any of these at any point during the season. But as they stand now, here they are: 5. Kara 4. Sophie 3. Chantelle 2. Laura B. 1. Nicole.]

While the Pastor was the biggest surprise on the date, the biggest disappointment had to be Chantelle's opposite Melissa-Marie, aka the Single Mom Playboy model. You'd figure it was her competition to lose, right? But she made a good point: when posing nude you don't have to dance around. Also, when posing nude you can lie on your back so your paunch looks flat. It's hard to suck it in for any length of time when moving around.

MM proceeded to fret about her daughter, whom she misses terribly. I understand missing your kid but you kinda know what you're getting into when you sign onto these things. Methinks maybe it was more of a cry for attention.

Line of the date went to Brad. When Laura F. used giant feathers as props in her dance, Brad didn't get to see enough of her except for when she would hold them horizontally and open them up. "There was the clam, which I appreciated," he said. I bet he did.

While those eight women flew back to Victoria, Brad jetted over to Las Vegas to meet the next four women. No gambling was involved. Instead they went to a race track where the girls got to drive Ferrari's around. Sophie from Moncton, Kara from Delta, and the two psychos Whitney and Gabrielle took turns doing laps. Fastest won a date with Brad.

Danger: Whitney

Last week I couldn't see what Gabrielle's problem with Whitney was. It didn't help that Gabrielle seemed unhinged. This week I get it. When Sophie tore off on her laps, Brad said, "You girls are in tough right now." Whitney shot him a look and said, in all seriousness, "Don't say that!" No sense of playfulness at all. That's a danger sign right there. A red flag, if you will. Will you?

Kara and Gabby finished 4th and 3rd, respectively, while there was one-tenth of a second difference between Sophie and Whitney, but Whitney won (I'm sure the producers made that call). And off they went. I have no recollection of their private date beyond a helicopter ride. I see I didn't make any notes. What happened? If there was anything to it anyone wants to add, make use of the comments section. I'm a comments suck.

Okay, maybe not

Next up was the one-on-one date, with a rose on the line. After trips to New Orleans and Las Vegas, Laura B., the lucky recipient of this date, must have been wondering where she'd get to go. The cocktail waitress from Ottawa was whisked away to... downtown Victoria. Yes, it's beautiful and a tourist destination but I'm jaded because it's my hometown. Doesn't seem all that thrilling. They walked around the legislature grounds, which is nice but she's from Ottawa where the parliament buildings are a bigger deal. They then had dinner on the patio at the Empress Hotel. It occurred to me that Laura B. reminds me exactly of one of my favourite comedic actresses, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. So I immediately developed a bit of a crush on her.

The date ended with one of those embarrassing private concerts where the couple are expected to slow dance to a singer I've never heard of before. Only this time I have! It was Jill Barber. Can-con rules!

And with that, all the dates were over. Or were they? Three women were left out, including Ana, who, you'll recall, was the lucky recipient of the pity rose last week, an extra rose Brad decided to hand out because Ana never got any time with Brad despite trying so hard. Brad says he's not the type of guy to hand out an extra rose and not take her on a date. So he snuck into her bedroom and aroused her... Wait a second, get your minds out of the gutter. I mean he gently poked her... Hey, snap out of it. This is network TV we're talking about. I mean he woke her up. Good thing she didn't scream. Even better thing he didn't scream when he saw her without her makeup.

It was really early in the morning, but it was light out. The two went off by seaplane to Tofino, on the west coast of Vancouver Island. Ana was excited as all get out... sort of. "We're going to Tofino!... Where's Tofino?"

The two took a long walk on a longer beach. Then they sat down on a Hudson's Bay blanket for a picnic which included beer, which was so wrong on two counts: 1. It's illegal to drink alcohol on beaches in BC. 2. It was still the morning! But now that I think about it, I'm sure it was just a promotional shot for the sponsor. They probably had water or juice in the bottles. That's what I want to believe.

The playboy model and the giggly pastor forged a bond back at the mansion. They both really, and inexplicably, like each other. Chantelle was thinking that she should probably tell Brad she's a virgin. Melissa, not getting it, said that fact "would probably scare the crap out of a lot of guys."

But at the cocktail party, things got testy between the lady and the tramp. It seems Chantelle, who already had a rose, told MM she could have one-on-one time with Brad first. She needed to tell Brad she had a kid and put him in an uncomfortable position this early in the proceedings by drunkenly forcing him to opine on the presence of said child immediately. On her first attempt to get to Brad, she was met with the maiden already there. "Oh, fuck me," she said. "This is ridiculous." And out she stormed. Back inside, she did a spot-on impression of her former best friend, while the pastor thought maybe MM had a touch too much communion wine.

Melissa-Marie out of control

She finally got to Brad, though. It probably didn't help her cause that she was clearly shit-faced. Brad described it thusly: "This one is going downhill with no brakes." And we knew then and there that's the last we'd see of the Playboy model. At least until her edition hits the news stands. Then we'll see a lot more of her.

And while Whitney was parading around in Amy Winehouse's f*** me pumps, and necking with Brad on the veranda, the lovely Laura B. decided to let that get to her. She tried to play the interrupting game but the controlling Whitney told her to come back in two minutes. Laura didn't skip a beat. Without breaking stride, she turned right around and walked out, only to look back and see the two playing tonsil hockey. Despite being rosed earlier, her insecurities – no doubt influenced by the free-flowing grape juice – got the better of her. She spent a good portion of time up in the bathroom crying to whoever would listen that she should just quit right now before Brad finds out how boring she is.

Brad eventually got wind of the meltdown and talked her down off the toilet seat. He asked her to stay, or at least to make her decision in the morning, i.e. when she sips on her eye of newt and toe of frog concoction. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she told him. He, like a true gentleman, held his tongue. Or maybe it was still in Whitney's mouth.

With Laura Louis-Dreyfus and the Giggly Virgin Pastor already rosed, ten more would be handed out while four would go home. In order they went to:

1. Softball Kara
2. Tia
3. Sophie
4. Britany
5. Mop-Top Michelle B.
6. Catty Gabby
7. Whitney, with the fake boobs and all-too-real eyebrows
8. Romanian Ana
9. Nicole, who whispered she'd accept the rose but he owes her a date
10. former NBA girlfriend Bianka

Only one of the four going home provided any tears. Michelle V. worried that she might never find love. But there's only room for one Michelle so she had to go. The others to leave were Melissa-Marie, Laura F., and the model/neuroscientist Stephanie, who all left with their heads held high.

Looks like there might be some drama (i.e. comedy) next week, too. Surely our Canadian producers are too honest to toy with us like their American counterparts do.

Bachelor Canada, eh?!

Well, look who's back! You thought I had retired when I wasn't around to blog about Bachelor Pad? But no. I was simply resting. They can't keep adding franchises and expect endless copy. I'm but one man. Not only was it in the middle of a very hot summah (cue Six White Boomers by Rolf Harris), but I had to rest up for Bachelor Canada. Because if a Canadian-based blogger can't get on board with this, who can?

Are there any American readers out there? I know there were for the American versions. But is BC even on your radar (or cable packages)? Maybe you're curious. I'm sure in today's world, there's a way for you to watch from abroad. If so, you'll see that BC looks identical to BA (Bachelor America, I'm dubbing it) minus Chris Harrison and plus more hockey references and the occasional "eh?" thrown in for bad measure.

The Canadian Chris Harrison is a giant by the name of Tyler Harcott. And if he isn't 7 feet tall, the Bachelor himself, an entitled jock named Brad Smith, is a shrimp. Harcott stands a full head over Brad. It was a little disconcerting. He should practice being shorter. It's the polite thing to do in human-sized company.

If you read what passes as tabloids in Canada, you'll have heard that Brad is a former CFL "star". Now, I'm not up on any football, let alone the Canadian version, but I've got a passing knowledge of the stars. And I've never heard of Brad Smith. Early in the show he reveals he's 28, i.e. an athlete's prime. If he's not in the league now, suffice it to say "star" is being used as a synonym for "player". Or maybe that hideous chest tattoo caused a career-ending injury.

But I do know enough about the CFL to have immediately known his dad was former CFL commissioner Larry Smith as soon as it was mentioned Brad was the son of a senator. Hence my use of the adjective 'entitled'.

Blogging about the show's various incarnations has always felt safe as I sit at a comfortable distance away in a foreign country. Now how do I feel about being snarky to someone I might run into one day? It gave me pause... for about a second before I realized how old I am – we're not exactly running in the same circles. And the fact I barely leave the house might also be a factor.

But the show's mansion is in my hometown of Victoria. I couldn't tell which part of the city it's in from what we saw, but maybe I'll clue in as the season moves forward. One interesting difference in the show is that this opening episode was a very manageable 90 minutes rather than the bloated 2 hours the US serves us. But fast-forwarding the PVR through the commercials leads me to believe the total air time was probably very close to the same. There are hardly any ads at all. Is that a death-knell to the northern version? Time will tell.

Does this look like a "star"?

Okay, let's get on with the nuts and bolts of the episode. Brad admitted he once had a big head on his big shoulders. He was caught up in being in the CFL, if you can believe it. But then he decided he didn't want to be defined by football. You know, the way we always think about football when we hear the name Brad Smith.

I'm jumping around here, but I have scribbled in my notes that Harcott had the nerve to tease an upcoming segment by calling it "the most shocking entrance in Bachelor history." Seriously. He didn't say Bachelor Canada history. And that entrance? Dear beloved Jillian Harris returning to the show to help Brad with his decision. Ooh, shocking! Yes, she was the greatest Bachelorette in history, but her entrance tonight was whatever the opposite of 'shocking' is. (Still, it was great to see her.)

The women ran the gamut, as they always do, from hot all the way to smoking hot. Some less than charitable readers might scoff at this description but let's just say beauty is subjective and in some cultures many of them would be considered hot. Here's a quick rundown, in order of appearance, with their fate in parentheses.

1. Laura B., 23, from Ottawa. (rose)
2. Michelle B, yoga instructor with the Shirley Temple hairdo. (rose)
3. Michelle V. I scribbled down "shoes" for some reason. Was she the one in Herman Munster platforms? (rose)
4. Jessica, a CFL cheerleader. A natch, right? Wrong. (buh-bye)
5. Whitney, 24, from Calgary. A boxing beauty. (first impression rose)
6. Ana, a 26-year-old Romanian from Ottawa with a body that won't quit. (extra rose)
7. Mindy, 33, from Alberta, works in a photo lab, studying to be a funeral director, and loves hunting. Tattoo in the centre of her chest and a big one on her back. Wore hiking boots under her cocktail dress. Seriously. (buh-bye)
8. Clarice, 25, office administrator from Toronto. (buh-bye)
9. Sophie, 26, a university recruiter from Moncton, who speaks French. (rose)
10. Britany (rose)
11. Rebecca, aka Bubba, 27, a real estate agent from Toronto. (buh-bye)
12. Tracy, 28, from Victoria. A local girl representin'! (buh-bye – at least it's a short walk home)
13. Fawn, bleach blond from Ajax, Ontario. (buh-bye)
14. Stephanie, a model/neuroscientist (I am not making that up) from Montreal. (rose)
15. Amber, a Winnipeg strip club server (I am not making that up, either) who made her entrance on a motorbike. (buh-bye)
16. Bianka, 28, a nurse who dated Mr. Kim Kardashian (Kris Humphries) for two years while he was a Toronto Raptor before he dumped her for KK (rose)
17. Chantelle, a giggly pastor from Sylvan Lake, Alberta (rose)
18. Melissa Marie, a 28-year-old single mom and Playboy model from Vancouver (rose)
19. Tia from Ottawa (rose)
20. Tina, a trial lawyer from Thunder Bay who wore heart-shaped sunglasses getting out of the limo (buh-bye)
21. Nicole, a drop-dead gorgeous optician from Ontario (rose)
22. Laura F., a medical student from Winnipeg (rose)
23. Gabrielle, 24, law student and certifiable psychotic (rose)
24. Sandy, a make-up artist from Alberta (buh-bye)
25. Kara, a competitive softball player from Delta, BC (rose)

That'd be 16 roses. Because Brad asserted his independence after handing out the assigned 15 roses. He felt bad about not having given one to Ana, whose efforts to talk to him all evening were squashed by the headstrong women he gave roses to. And he made a potentially horrifying statement that could come back to haunt him: "Any person that wants to fight for me that much is worth keeping around." Cue the cat fights.

Once again, we've gotten ahead of ourselves by revealing who advanced, but what the hell. I don't break the rules; I make the rules.

Right off the bat at the cocktail party, the dreaded stealing away became an issue. The girls were shocked. "What the hell was that?" one of them said. Uh, it's called the standard Bachelor gambit. Get used to it.

Gabrielle proved herself the most cunning of all right from the start by strutting over to Brad and getting the 'stealing away' ball rolling. When my home girl Tracy in turn went to steal him away from Gabrielle, she wasn't impressed. She asked for two more minutes, which the Victoria native graciously allowed. When Tracy returned for Brad, Gab told her it was "very rude what you're doing." Thus beginning her psychotic breakdown wherein she called Whitney an easy girl and a skank and proving herself to the producers that she must be kept around because shows like these need villains. I hope for her sake it's all an act to get more TV time.

Bianka, the nurse, cemented her rose by telling Brad she specializes in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I'm not sure Brad understood she was just joking.

A funny moment came when the worldly single mom and Playboy model Melissa Marie stood off to the side with innocent giggly pastor Chantelle and admitted she had fake boobs then pointed out all the others in the house who were sporting them. It rocked Chantelle's world. I don't know what it says of me that I'm kind of looking forward to sexualizing of Chantelle. Will she make out with Brad? Will she wear a bikini? Will Melissa Marie recruit her for the pages of Playboy?

Then there were the Bubba segments. I kinda wish she had stuck around for the havoc she'd most certainly wreak. Full of piss and vinegar, she said things like, "I don't fight for cock. That's not how Bubba rolls." But she also revealed a vulnerable side when she revealed she was really insecure around the girls while otherwise so confidant. And when she was let go, she shed tears, saying all the other girls were "so skinny and I'm not." Before judging, remember that Canadian beer packs more punch than the American stuff.

Just before Jillian made her entrance, all the girls were floored when it was hinted that yet another contestant would enter the mix, who would represent .038% of everyone there so of course would provide a challenge. But of course, there would be no other surprise contestant. Rather it was just THE MOST SHOCKING ENTRANCE IN BACHELOR HISTORY!!!

As I said, and as you know, I'm a big Jillian Harris fan and it was great she could drop by. The women looked more excited to meet her than they were at meeting Brad. Her role was to help Brad by interviewing the girls. Not sure how much help he got. Her way of weeding out the women was by asking such hard-hitting questions as, "If you were an animal, what animal would you be?" Still, it gave Gabby a chance to repeat ad infinitum that she will always be herself. I'm thinking that's not such a selling point.

I hope we get to see the other Canadian former Bachelor stars, like the Wrassler. In fact, I wish he were the Bachelor. How fun would that be?

When Brad gave the lady boxer Whitney the first impression rose, they sealed it with a long, sultry kiss. I thought maybe it was a bit soon for such an in-depth saliva exchange, but I'm of an older generation perhaps. But young Gabby thought so, too, calling Whitney a skank to her face and implying she'd also sleep with a guy on the first date. The future lawyer was getting practice at leading the witness, your honour. Whitney took it with good humour and grace while Gabby kept on gabbing into the ether. She was obviously inspired to go to law school by watching A Few Good Men because she defended her outburst with, "It's not my fault people can't handle the truth."

Whitney, while showing grace under pressure, also revealed a cocky side, saying, "I will be safe for the rest of the rose ceremonies." We'll see about that.

Upcoming season highlights include trips to Las Vegas, Paris, New Orleans, and PEI. It's nice to see there was a decent-sized budget. The show really does have the same look and feel as the American version. I'm impressed. Also we can look forward to plenty of slammed doors, tears, helicopters and family concerns. And the ending sure looks like it might be in doubt. I guess we'll have to follow along.