Bachelor America: Kacie and the Sunshine Band of Misfits

I gotta admit when my wife informed me yesterday that our favourite guilty pleasure was starting up again tonight, I felt deflated. So soon? I guess the Americans haven't had one in a while, but it seems we just got through Bachelor Canada. And the draw this time around was big Moose himself, Sean. How could I get through another season?

The always delightful and cute Kacie B (as in Back For More)

But shortly into the premiere episode, I was buoyed. The ever-delightful Kacie B. is back! That'll keep me going. If she doesn't make it to the final (and I'm kinda hoping she makes it at least as far as the hometown dates just so we can see if her parents will get involved this time), I hope she at least lasts long enough so I get to know and like someone else.

Starting off the show, we heard some upcoming quotes. Sean said, at some unseen future point, "Is one of these girls really bad for me and I don't see it?" Um... yes. Yes, she is. I say that without having seen a single one of them, Sean, but trust me on this. One of them is really bad for you. Maybe more. I'll bet anything on it.

There was also a bit of a Miss Emily montage, reliving his bronze medal showing with the southern belle. But now that her second show-inspired relationship (with the Mormon teenager) has fizzled, why not just bring her back and set her up with Sean? Give her one more kick at the can.

Couple other thoughts I had during this first segment: You can totally see Sean's scalp under his thinning hair. Let's see... He's 29... Yep, that's about right. I remember those days. I remember my mom telling me I should get a woman before it all falls out. I waited it out, just so she'd know what she was getting. I'm honest that way.

And this quote from Moose: "God still has another plan for me." Yes, He does. And that plan is more reality TV, clearly. God works in mysterious ways.

Fan of God and country, but still really cute

Now that my infatuation with Kacie B. has been rekindled, I checked out her Twitter and Facebook page. In both she talks about the big guy: "GOD is number one in my life! Love my family, friends, country music, Target, marshmallows and fun! -Psalm 25 LIVING MY DASH!" And "I'm a woman of God and value the simple things in life." Maybe she and Sean are made for each other.

Still, she's so darn cute I would put up with her country music... Or at least try.

Anyway, there are other women on the show. We'll get to them. But first he invited Ari over to receive his Euro-wisdom. They practiced how to say, "Will you accept this rose?", how to break up with someone (Sean: "I can't use 'it's not you; it's me' because it's obvious it's going to be them"), and then Ari gave tips on his patented kissing technique: eye contact, use of hands, pull close, very little tongue. "I think that's gonna be very helpful," said the wide-eyed Moose.

At the start of every new season, the producers decide to highlight a handful of contestants, showing them in their homes. It's a taste of what's to come, although not a guarantee that these ladies will stay beyond the first night. I decided I would rate each one out of 5. Consider it my first-impression rating, based on a combination of looks, sense of humour, normalcy and gut (mine, not theirs). These ratings can, and will be, adjusted as I get to know the characters in coming weeks. Or even minutes.

• Desiree is a 26-year-old bridal stylist and a contender for cutest girl in the mansion. ✭✭✭✭✭ (that's five out of five stars!)
• Tierra, is a 24-year-old Denver gal who wears a cross on its side around her neck (not sure of the significance) and screamed when she found out Sean was the Bachelor: "He's family-oriented!!" ✭✭✭1/2
• Robyn is the first African-American we've seen on the show in a long time. She describes herself as a little quirky and likes to do backflips. ✭✭✭1/2
• Diana is a 31-year-old hair salon worker and mother of two. I think that's a first on the show. ✭✭✭
• Sarah is a 26-year-old ad designer from L.A. with one arm. It's a season of firsts! ✭✭✭
• Ashley P is a 28-year-old delusional hair stylist with a fixation on the steamy novel 50 Shades of Grey and can't understand why she's still single. "I hope Sean rips my clothes off and spanks me." ✭1/2
• Lesley is a 25-year-old political consultant in DC but hails from Arkansas. ✭✭✭✭
• Kristy is a 26-year-old model who says, "Girls will be jealous of me." ✭
• AshLee F, 32, is an anal-retentive professional organizer (and amateur, too, by the sounds of it). She was adopted. She cried telling her story. ✭✭

Those were the vignettes. Next we got to see their grand limo entrances, which each come with their own unique 5-star rating. Here was the line-up, in order:

• AshLee F, who we just met in the vignette. I didn't consult my earlier ratings while I jotted down new scores. I gave her a ✭✭✭✭1/2 here. (Wow, a big improvement from her 2-star rating moments earlier)
• Jackie put her mark on Sean by smearing her mouth in red lipstick and planting a kiss on his cheek. ✭✭✭1/2
• Selma, 29, pulled a napkin from her boobs and wiped the lipstick off Sean's cheek. ✭✭✭
• Leslie, a poker dealer, was also African-American. I don't think there's ever been a season with more than one. There will be no tokenism this year. ✭✭✭✭1/2
• Daniella was a blonde with messy hair and an overblown handshake. Trying too hard to stand out. ✭✭1/2
• Kelly, 28, is a cruise ship entertainer from Tennessee who sang an original ditty. ✭✭1/2
• Katie, 27, is a yoga teacher. I originally gave her 3.5 until my wife pointed out she was barefoot. A walking cliché. Down to ✭✭✭
• Ashley P, the 50 Shades chick, pulled a man's tie out of her front, presumably for some cocktail bondage. ✭1/2 (her rating stays consistent)
• Taryn, 30, a health club blonde who hasn't watched the past few seasons. ✭✭✭✭
• Catherine, 26, from Seattle. Looks vaguely Asian. ✭✭1/2
• Robyn, who we met in a vignette, provided a backflip flop. ✭✭✭ (dropping half a star)
• Lacey, 24, died blonde, gave Sean a heart made of lace. Get it?! ✭✭1/2
• Paige, 25, was a contestant on Bachelor Pad 3. She has the best job: Jumbotron operator. ✭✭
• Tierra, the one who was all a-tizzy over the fact Sean is family-oriented, showed him an open heart tattoo on her ring finger (not as gross as it sounds) and hopes he can complete it. Sean asked her to wait right there, then walked off. Ooh, was he going to have her escorted off the premises? In the history of this show, every single time those three words have been uttered ("wait right here") it's been to retrieve a rose. This was no exception. Nor was it at all tense or dramatic, despite them going to commercial in the middle of it. ✭✭ (dropping from 3.5 earlier)

Incidentally, Sean went rogue by giving a rose so early because Tierra made a big impression on him in the 15 seconds they talked. She was sweet and outgoing with good energy and a magnetic personality, he said. "We have a connection," he also said, leading one to believe Sean is a big proponent of love at first sight.

• Amanda, another model. She had a good sense of humour by getting their awkward pause out of the way early. ✭1/2
• Keriann, 29, who drove 2775 miles to be there. ✭✭✭1/2
• Desiree brought some pennies to throw in the fountain. Still cute as a bug, but down one star. ✭✭✭✭
• Sarah, who we met earlier, drops half a star, too. ✭✭1/2
• Brooke, 25, a record third black bachelorette for the ultra-white Sean. ✭✭
• Diana, the single mother of two gets a star for each child. ✭✭ (dropping a star)
• Lesley M, the political consultant, brings a football and gets Sean to be the centre. He bends over as she calls out an endless play. Turns out she didn't have a play, except for the one she had on getting a good look at his ass. ✭✭✭ (dropping a star)
• Kristy, the model we met in the vignette. ✭✭1/2 (up from a single star)
• Ashley H, the third variation on Ashley, the fourth African-American, and the third model. ✭✭
• Lauren, a blonde Italian who relayed a message from her father: "If you break my heart, he'll break your legs." Nice. ✭
• Lindsay, 24, a substitute teacher dressed in a full-on bridal gown. She asks for a kiss then sneaks one on the lips. She says, "I've got balls." To which Sean quickly adds, "I hope not." ✭1/2

Oh, and one more person specifically wanted to meet him there and she arrived in her own limo. Of course we now know that was:

Guess who?

• Kacie B! ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭ (yes, a record 10/5)

When she walked in the mansion, there was uncertainty. Most didn't know who she was, which had to be a big slap in the face. And others thought she might be there to offer advice. Her main competition in the cuteness category, Desiree, dropped a further half-star in my books when she whined about it not being fair. Hey, suck it up, Buttercup. You're not the only cute girl in town.

But as soon as Des sat down and talked with Sean, she shot right back up to ✭✭✭✭1/2. And just as I made note of that, Sean offered her a rose. I can call 'em.

If you're reading this without having seen the show, 1. Are you lost? Did Google send you to the wrong place? And 2. yes, that's two roses handed out before the rose ceremony. And there'd be a lot more. Sean was calling the shots. In total, he handed out 12 roses just while sitting and talking to girls. Not sure this strategy worked since it made it highly awkward when he'd dismiss one without a rose. They'd sit down all hopeful, having seen almost everyone else wandering around with a flower, then he'd stand and say it was great talking with them. It was the Bachelor equivalent of a handshake. And a wet one at that.

It also didn't work for the viewer, i.e. me, because I couldn't keep track of who got one. I know Selma, Robyn, Lesley and Sarah got one, but that's it. I'll have to do the math later.

Lindsay, the substitute teacher dressed in white, was hoping Sean understood the wedding dress was just a gag. She's a goofball, that one (or so she keeps telling us)! But in a rare moment of self-reflection said, "Honestly I wish I was more sober right now." She made Sean dance with her then slurred, "Gimme a kiss, I'm not contagious." And again went straight for the lips. Afterwards, she had second thoughts: "Maybe I blew it. I went big. Maybe he didn't get it." She regretted wearing the get-up and trying to kiss him. Would it hurt her? Stay tuned!

Classy Kacie

Meanwhile, Ashley P, was "obliterated". Or, as the classy Kacie B. said, "she needs water". Always the lady, that Kacie. After her mating booty dance summoned him, Ash got her moment with Sean and pulled out the tie again. Sean said he brought his rape whistle. That's two good – and quick! – lines from Sean this episode. I wasn't expecting even one. Ash told him that when he "got dumped" by Emily, she called her mom and told her Sean was the guy she was going to marry. Sean handled it all gracefully. Ashley then tripped on a step.

Taryn sat sniffling and whining that she won't fight over a guy or interrupt anyone. Made me wonder why she was even there, then I recalled her saying she hadn't watched the past few seasons. I guess she forgot that's kind of the whole point of the show.

Despite handing out 12 roses already, there'd still be a rose ceremony because 7 more were still available. 12 + 7 = 19. That means seven women would be saying their goodbyes. Let's see who Sean selected:

1. Lipstick Amanda. No, not the one to leave her mark. This was a model. She just happened to be wearing way too much lipstick at the ceremony. (I had given her ✭1/2)
2. Lesley M, the DC consultant (I had given her ✭✭✭✭)
3. Kacie B!!! (I had given her ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭)
4. Kristy, the bragging model (I had given her an average of ✭3/4)
5. Messy-haired Daniella (I had given her ✭✭1/2)
6. Taryn, still sniffling (I had given her ✭✭✭✭)
7. Lindsay, in her wedding gown. I guess Sean "got it" that she's just a goofball. (I had given her ✭1/2)

So who's in? Who's out? Let me try to figure this out. Hang on a second...

Gone are:

• Paige, now a two-time loser having lost out on BP3 without a rose (✭✭)

• Kelly the cruise ship entertainer (she said she was embarrassed by her singing and hurt by the rejection; surprised she didn't break out into Love Hurts) (✭✭1/2)

• Ashley H, the black model (✭✭)

• all 50 Shades of Ashley P (✭1/2)

• Lacey (✭✭1/2)

• Lauren (Sean's legs are safe... or are they?) (✭)

• Keriann, presumably driving 2775 miles back home (✭✭✭1/2)

I won't bother listing the winners because we'll see them again next week. The upcoming highlights look just as ridiculously awesome as always. If Kacie and Desiree can just remain above the fray, they should be good to sail through this thing, keeping me happy. Because that's what it's all about. But I'll try to add other images next week. I just couldn't contain myself this week.

Bachelor Canada: After the Final Rose (for real?)

Never has an After the Final Rose episode been more truthful. Maybe. There was no mention from the host, Tyler Harcott, that there would be any future seasons of Bachelor Canada, Bachelorette Canada, or Bachelor Pad Canada. Was that it? Time will tell. If this really was the final rose handed out, at least they quit while they were ahead with a solid effort all round.

I feel a bit sheepish writing this one after potentially being called out on national TV. Whitney said the whole thing has been tough on her, that people are nice to her face when she's recognized but that some "tough guys" hide behind their computers. "They think they know me," she said, but all they do is focus on her eyebrows or the protruding vein in her forehead.

Ouch.

Now, I'm sure there are others blogging about Bachelor Canada she could be referring to, but my computer doesn't get the internet so I wouldn't know. But I felt a tinge of guilt. I know I've mentioned her eyebrows. I wasn't sure about the vein thing so I went back and checked. I couldn't find a reference to it in my blog, but maybe I missed it.

A few weeks ago I was reminded how real people are on TV and they have the ability to do a Google search for their name and might stumble across an insignificant blog written by an insignificant nobody (how's that for self-esteem?!). In 2010, I blogged about another American network reality TV show and recently met one of its competitors. I had forgotten writing about him, but he remembered. He had read it from his home in New York City and quoted what I wrote about him. It wasn't vicious, thank God. And he said he was happy I was covering it. But it just drove home the point that even though I think I'm speaking to a handful of like-minded fans in this non-revenue-gaining forum, the people I'm writing about (and sometimes slagging) might be reading. And their families.

So let me share where I'm coming from.

In no way do I think I know anything about the real people involved with the show. All I know is what the editors give us and what the individual decides to put out there. That's what I'm commenting on. I try not to be vicious. Believe me, sometimes I say things while watching that I never put into print just because it's below the belt. I try not to comment on anything too personal. But her eyebrows are a style choice (something she can control) and her fake boobs are a decision she made. Fair game, I say. Plus, she's clearly and objectively a very good-looking woman.

But some responsibility lies with the contestant. In Whitney's case, I liked her in the first episode. But she chose to get catty and competitive and rude. That won't go unnoticed. Nor will I say she's just playing a character and isn't really like that in real life because I simply don't know. All I know is what I see. If you don't want to be called on poor behaviour, don't exhibit it.

Her tears on this episode are a common sight for the villains. They regret their actions and regret their newfound reputation. Let that be a lesson to future fame-hounds. You'll go a long way by being a decent, kind person – or at least faking it on TV. Viewers don't shit on the sweet, normal contestants.

It's too bad Whitney's feeling the brunt of it, but it'll blow over. And if I were ever to meet her, I'd be nice to her, too.

Now onto the show.

We start by seeing upcoming highlights of the very episode we're about to watch, including seeing Bianka and Brad making lovey-dovey eyes to each other. Then the show begins and the host, Tyler Harcott, teases the audience with, "Have things turned out?" Hmm, I wonder. One thing the American producers have taught the Canadian ones well is to make sure any sense of surprise or anticipation is shot dead.

This was only a one-hour episode so there was no dilly-dallying. Brad came out in the first segment and he was smiling ear to ear. He said he was so happy he could "pull a Tom Cruise and get up on a chair." I hope, for Bianka's sake, that's where the Tom Cruise comparison ends.

In the next segment, Whitney came out to no boos. Canadians are a polite people. Well done. And, eyebrows notwithstanding, she looked smokin' hot. But that was never an issue. I don't think she did herself any favours on this night. Once again she was incomprehensible, sticking to her talking points in the face of evidence to the contrary.

Despite how bad she feels, she says she has no regrets about doing the show. That's a bit of a disconnect but I'll let that one slide. She claims she learned so much about herself. She knows she's indecisive and can never make up her mind, even in routine decisions about where to eat. Yet she says she wants to get married and have a family. That's going to require at least one very important decision. Maybe she wasn't ready for the show.

She also revealed that despite the immediate connection she felt with Brad, she said she realized she didn't feel confident he was the guy she wanted to marry in Penticton. I had to go back in the blog archives to find out when that was. It was episode 4, I believe, after Brad got back from Mexico on a group date. He met Whitney in Penticton and they went rappeling down a cliff. She went first. Coming back to you? Yeah, it was ages ago.

So she wasn't confident then but continued to act in a way that suggested the complete opposite. When Brad came out in the following segment, he called her on it. He wondered if she was acting the whole time. He recalled going to PEI with her and asking her if she saw a future together with him and she responded in the positive, 100%. Then that night she called her sister saying, "I don't see a future with him."

Case closed, right? Whitney's got some 'splainin' to do. But she stood firm and kept on point: She "never once acted." Okay, so then... what, exactly? We realize she doesn't express herself well, but surely she can do better than that. Instead she tried going on the offensive: "You had a choice to keep me on the show, too," she said. Aha! Gotcha, sucker!

Uh, not so much. He kept her on the show based on what she was telling him and on the physical connection he felt. It wasn't as if he knew she was making secret calls to her sister back when it happened. But we got no answer to the apparent incongruity.

When the offensive tactic didn't work, she played the sympathy card. The tears came as she whimpered, "You have no idea the stuff I go through now," and talked about how she's been portrayed. But here's the thing, Whitney, if you're reading: the editors can do a lot, but they can't work with what they don't have. If you never made that call to your sister, if you never slagged the other women, if you never turned on the charm around Brad, they couldn't create that. So yeah, it sucks that you're having to go through this now, but you had something to do with it, too.

The next segment was Brad with host Tyler Harcott. I liked this segment because Brad was asked questions from fans across the country. Someone asked if the order he hands out the roses reflect a preference for the women, which is something I've never heard addressed before. He said he goes in the back, looks at the photos, selects the girls, then decides "who can I make sweat the most." Funny answer and truthful, too. I suspect he gets some help in that decision, too, but talking about the process is tricky. Baby steps.

Other tidbits about Brad he revealed: His full name is Bradley Charles Smith. His most prized possession is his Queens University football jersey. His worst habit is he bites his nails. The funniest gal was Ana. His favourite Bachelor host is Chris Harrison (in your face, Harcott! – I'm sure he was half-joking but I liked that he answered straight while Harcott was pleading in jest). The best kisser and smartest among the women was Bianka (naturally). She also smelled the best. And his fascination with the deep V t-shirt hinged on the fact that it showed off his tattoo.

Next came Bianka and she radiated happiness. They looked like a really nice and in-love couple. Brad choked up numerous times talking about her, but they also both have a great sense of humour. Nothing much to report here except Brad said they recently took a 10-day trip and "almost eloped." Also they plan on getting married "as soon as possible."

I'm not sure the record for successful unions the American show has, but it's somewhere south of the Mendoza line. Far south. So wouldn't it be nice if the first ever Canadian show ended with success? And if this is the last season, they'll have batted 1.000.

Bachelor Canada: We have ourselves a wiener

Here we are. It's all over. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't watch the show last night. Just finished it this afternoon (the day after) and am ready to offer my take.

I guess if you're reading this, you already know who won so let's not be coy. There are no spoilers. I thought it was a good episode, but maybe I think that because there was plenty of conflict and Brad made the right decision.

I wasn't high on Bianka throughout most of the season, but she grew on me. In the end, I thought they made a nice couple and hope they can make it work. They both say marriage is forever, but don't they all? We'll see if this Canadian version of finding love on TV works any better than the U.S. version. We don't have the infrastructure of Canadian tabloids and magazines at every checkout counter, so maybe we'll never know if or when they'll break up or get married. We can just go on our lives assuming they lived happily ever after.

But one thing I'm dying to find out is if the Brooklyn Nets' Kris Humphries was following or was informed of the goings-on of his former girlfriend. Some sports scribe has got to ask. I think Bianka's goal should be to outlast Humphries' 72-day marriage to Kim Kardashian. Make it to three months and she wins hands-down.

Okay, to recap the episode. They were in Brad's hometown of Hudson, Quebec, where the two ladies met the Smith clan. But first Whitney and Brad met on a nearby golf course to hit some balls. Knowing how it all ended, it's interesting to consider her earlier words: "I love Brad. I'm 100% confident that we're right for each other." Granted, it was a disembodied voice who said that and she could have uttered those words at any point during the proceedings and the editors just inserted them into this episode.

Brad naturally wanted to talk about Whitney's words at the last rose ceremony, where she hinted that things weren't, well, 100% – after getting the rose, of course. Despite her selfishness and deceit, you could really tell Brad was bending over backwards to excuse her behaviour. He went so far as to take the blame for her actions, saying, "I feel I forced you into a situation where you had to become impulsive. And I feel responsible for how you acted. So I want to apologize to you." Wow, I thought. He's really under her spell.

He can golf, which you'd expect considering he said he spent his youth on that course. Whitney obviously never spent much time golfing. She'd shank one after another off and Brad would run off dutifully and get it as she stewed. There's a difference between being competitive and a bad sport that I don't think she ever learned. But once he gave her some pointers, she started getting it and was all smiles. Oh yeah, she should have just dressed in a giant red flag all season long.

Despite all his excuse-making for her, Brad knows what's what. Before heading to his family's house, he said, "In the back of my mind, I can't help thinking something else is going to go wrong tonight. I hope she doesn't close off tonight." Or was that, "I hope she takes her clothes off tonight?" I didn't quite catch it.

It was the former. I've never seen such an awkward gathering, be it real life or reality TV. Granted, she was put on the spot around the table. It was like a press conference with everyone firing questions at her. But still, she showed zero personality and couldn't finish a sentence. Brad to the rescue, though. He finished all her sentences for her as she hemmed and hawed, and spent a goodly portion of the time with the patented Whitney Table Stare®.

Do you think Whitney read this?

"She was just crashing," is how Brad put it under the intense questioning, particularly from Brad's sister, Ashley. Ash was splendidly blunt, both to the cameras and to Whitney. To Whitney she said, "I find you nervous around us, guarded around us, letting Brad talk for you. Are you nervous?" (Not asked in a sweet, concerning way but rather accusatory.) To the camera she was even more direct: "I think she's lovely. But this is a grown woman. Can you not speak for yourself? What's going on?"

Ashley was also concerned about how Whitney's reticence made Brad take more of an active role. "How does this [relationship] go forward? I'm concerned for Brad. Will he become a control freak?" I don't think that was a legitimate concern but it was kinda funny watching him frantically trying to make Whitney look good.

When they said their goodbyes outside, saying "See you in Barbados," Whitney couldn't have been more distant. Looked like she was already in Barbados. Without Brad. They gave each other a perfunctory peck and they were off. And that was the beginning of the end. Brad told us, "I don't know what to think after today. With Whitney it's so much work." Compare that statement to one he made earlier in the episode: "The chemistry between me and her is effortless." Reading between the lines, she's hot but a handful.

When Bianka came to town, Brad took her on a sports car tour of his hometown, stopping off at his favourite hot dog stand. He had been telling her all about the place since they were in Mexico so Bianka was dying to try it since she's a "food connoisseur." I guess even connoisseurs sometimes eat junk food.

On the visit, Bianka didn't get to meet Brad's dad because he had to sit in the Senate all night. He is obviously new to the job. Canadian senators don't have to do much of anything except show up to rubber stamp government motions. But while he was off offering sober second thought, Bianka and Brad showed up with two cases of beer. Unfortunately, their taste in beer was rather pedestrian. No rich micro-brewery beer; they brought Molson Canadian, i.e. the Coors Light of Canada.

After we heard Ashley describing the previous night as "the most uncomfortable family dinner I've ever had," she got down to laying her teeth into Bianka. She called Lady B on her "very, very polished answers" but Bianka was calm and real in the confrontation and completely won Ashley over. It turned into a love-in.

And outside, Bianka told Brad, "I"m really falling in love with you." Brad melted: "I'm really falling for you," he replied. Notice the change in verb.

At a family conference with Brad, everyone let him know that Bianka was by far the winner in their minds. Except Mr. Sober Second Thought, who refused to take a position, saying it was 100% Brad's decision. Ah, politicians!

Next up was Barbados. The first last date went to Bianka and the two learned how to play polo. Sitting on his horse, Brad told the coach, "It's very Canadian. I feel like I'm playing hockey on a horse right now." I loved it immediately, despite not being a hockey fan. I think from here on out that's how polo should be referred to: horse hockey. (Update: Just Binged it. Turns out horse hockey is a thing. Looks like polo to me, but I think it's different. I think I just like the idea of taking the uppity polo down a notch.)

For her part, Bianka, who started out the season very guarded and unsure, was head over heels. No, she didn't fall off the horse; she was just ga-ga for Bradley. She said she can't stop smiling. She goes to bed smiling; she wakes up smiling. "I'm beyond happy," she said. And she looked it. "I've never felt so sure about something in my entire life... I'm in love with him. I want him to be my husband."

Cut to: Whitney's date. She tells us, "I love Brad and I think he's an amazing guy." Kinda different vibe, isn't it?

Whit and Brad went boating and the chemistry was there at first. Then she went all Whitney on him. And that involved making absolutely no sense whatsoever from this point to the end of the show. It's like she was repeating back to Brad everything she's ever been told about herself, only directing it at a gob-smacked Brad. She said, "Communication is huge. I'm not as confident in our relationship. I don't know always know exactly how you're feeling." No, I didn't get that backwards. Whitney actually said that. To Brad. Yes, yes, pot and kettle and all that.

She continued: "I'm unsure where we stand or if we're 100% right for each other." Brad very reasonably responded that he's not sure what her argument is. And this is where she went from nonsense talk to just plain dumb: "Don't say that! It's not an argument!" And in so doing, she turned the word 'argument' from one of its definitions to another one of its definitions.

I think Whitney looks mysterious and intelligent when she's silent and brooding, but when she opens her mouth she's either spiteful or ignorant. (Disclaimer: at least on the show, knowing the editing process might have something to do with this.)

She told him, "I feel like if I try to explain something to you, you get defensive. And you know you do! You can't say that you don't." Well, if he can't, we can. At least we didn't witness any of that, and we witnessed that exact same thing from her. It really was quite funny hearing this from her. And it only got better!

Brad woke up the next morning knowing what he must do. "I don't want to have conflict with somebody over things she can't even express herself." That's how you express yourself, Whitney.

So he marched on over to Whitney Headquarters and knocked on the door to give her her marching papers. She answered without even the slightest hint of surprise. It was as if she was expecting him. Suspicious? Yes, but remember she's been acting crazy all episode so maybe this lack of recognition on her face is part of it.

She invites him in saying, "I have something to tell you." "Me first," says Brad. Oh goodie, this had all the makings of a bad sitcom. They argued about it briefly and I really wanted Whitney to go first because we knew what Brad was going to say. But he persisted and just blurted it out. "You're an amazing person but we're not at all ready for each other." And with that, she quietly shut the door in his face. We don't know if she was in a bedroom or a closet. Doesn't matter. She didn't stay in long.

She opened the door, not showing any signs of upset. Here's what she said: "I respect you and you have to respect me. You can't say hurtful things to me." He stood there looking bewildered, as I think we all looked when she started in on her gibberish. Hurtful things? What were we missing? Will we find out next week on the After the Final Rose episode?

She then walked away. Out the door. Then circled back, saying, "Please, just respect me, Brad. Please." (He said, "I do.") She continued, "I am respecting myself." What did it all mean? Your guess is as good as mine. In fact, tell me in the comments what you think it meant, because I can't even come up with a guess.

And more: "The way that you're acting, it's not fair to me. I'm happy for you but I'm here for me at the same time. And we both have a choice to be here. This is how I feel. Please just do that for me right now." ... Huh? I can't begin to make sense of that. Please do what for her?

It occurred to me that maybe she had practiced her lines to break up with him, not knowing that he'd break up with her first. So she just carried on with her plan, regardless of whether it made sense or not. She continued: "We shared some amazing moments and we had some amazing time together. We really did. And I want you to just... please... like... That's it." Brad stood there with his mouth agape.

And that was it. Brad told us, "It's not that Whitney's not for me; I feel that she's not ready for anyone right now." Bingo. I just wonder why it took him so long to figure it out.

At her exit interview, Whitney again sounded like she was the one who broke it off: "I respect Brad and I have the utmost respect for myself. We shared some amazing moments and I have no regrets in our relationship and I wouldn't take back anything for a second. But marriage is not for me and Brad. I'm not ready to marry him." Gabby was right after all! She wasn't there for the right reasons!

Now all was left was getting ready for his big moment with Bianka. A new ring guy, swarthy and sweaty, showed Brad some bling and he picked one. He put on his suit and made his way to the waterfront. Tyler Harcott was there to give him the bro handshake. Seriously, Tyler Harcott? Would Chris Harrison ever do that? Just give the meat and potatoes handshake like a normal person. You're over 40.

When Bianka arrived, Brad couldn't hold back a big smile. Then as she walked towards him, the tears started flowing. I would have thought seeing those tears would have given Bianka pause. But she had a huge smile for him, as if she knew she was the one. And he let her know almost immediately that she was. He told her she was "absolutely the woman of my dreams." She said, "I'm crazy in love with you. I can't wait to start my life with you."

"That's an easy segue for me," Brad said, and dropped to his knee. "This is the easiest decision I've ever had to make." He proposes and she says yes. They embrace and kiss, the music swells, eyes mist all across Canada. Then Brad pulls back and says, "You said 'yes', right?"

And that was that. The first even Bachelor Canada in the books. Some think I was just being patriotic by liking this version but I assure you that wasn't the case at all. I think I was being fair. I don't like probably most Canadian shows. I wouldn't be shy in saying I thought this one was subpar if that's what I thought. But it sounds to me like those who think it's vastly inferior (as opposed to just about the same, give or take) are those that automatically dislike anything just because it's on Canadian TV. Other than the sped-up nature of it, which hurt it, I think it was almost exactly like the American version, from the sets to the locations to the production value to the contestants. I think if you showed video of clips from this season and clips from any season from the Bachelor to someone who'd never seen either, they wouldn't be able to tell it apart. So well done, Canadian producers.

Will it come back? I guess that remains to be seen but we'd all like it to, wouldn't we? If only to criticize it.