Bachelor Sean: A practical joke falls flat

If this is Wednesday, it must be... too late to blog about a show that aired on Monday! Sorry I'm late, folks. You must all be wondering if I've given up on the show judging by all the queries I received. Okay, "all the queries" consisted of my wife casually asking me last night if I'd written it yet. But I'm sure her lone comment represented thousands of others.

A real-life deadline prevented me from watching live on Monday night. I was too tired to watch yesterday during the day. Then late afternoon my favourite basketball team was playing and I couldn't miss that. But I finally found the time for The Bachelor last night. So here goes.

(left to right) Lesley, Kacie, Desiree

There are now 19 women left and I have my top three frontrunners. Bank on these ones to go all the way or I'm going to get awfully cranky: Kacie (naturally), Desiree (more innocent-looking than her porn-star name), and Lesley M, the political consultant (a mixture of brains and beauty). The rest range from meh to zzz.

The first date of the episode went to Sarah. I know it's hard to remember all the names this early into a season and match them with faces so I'll do my best to give reminders along the way. You remember Sarah. She's the one with... blonde hair. From LA, I think? An ad designer? Ringing any bells?

Not only was she the first date for Sean, but the first to ride in a helicopter. Not ever, of course. I wonder how many times they've used a helicopter. Let's figure it out. The show has been on the air since 2002. There are probably at least two or three seasons per calendar year. Wikipedia tells me there have been 16 previous seasons of The Bachelor, and 8 seasons of The Bachelorette. I'm going to estimate 25 contestants per season which leads to 600 total contestants. Of those, I think it's safe to say a good 550 of them have been on helicopter dates.

Sean told us he was impressed by Sarah's addressing of the hand issue (she's only got five fingers and one palm) but added, "In my mind, she didn't have to explain her arm: she's gorgeous." Leading one to assume that if she were less attractive, she'd better damn well explain herself.

Of course, I agree that she's attractive with or without a full left arm, but you gotta admit it would be pretty odd if she didn't mention it at all ever.

On the date, Sean took her to the top of a skyscraper, where they'd harness themselves into a contraption and fling themselves off the building and freefall 300 feet. Sarah then proceeded to take Gosh's name in vain repeatedly. "Oh my gosh!" she said about 150 times in her Valley Girl accent.

Later Sean contradicted himself saying it's not what our bodies look like, it's what's on the inside that counts. This was after he finished his shirtless workout.

Sarah blew Sean's expectations away and she got the rose. He didn't say what his expectations were to begin with, though.

The next date was a group effort. Fourteen women went on a rigged photoshoot, marking the 25th season a photoshoot has been used as a date backdrop. This one was particularly galling since it was a competition for a three-book deal with Harlequin to be on the cover. Among the 14 contestants was one professional model so you just knew who was going to win it. Yes, it could be argued that legitimately beat out the amateurs (they were impressed with her, too), but you just knew the Harlequin people made sure there was some actual talent in the competition before they agreed to commit three covers to someone.

Too bad the 50 Shades gal got sent home last week. She would have been positively orgasmic.

This is only the second episode, but the women already know who to hate. Tierra the Stalker (she's the one who told her mom she'd marry Sean back when Emily dumped him) is "fake", according to Robyn. "Trust me, I'm smart," winked Tierra. Later on she'd tell him, "I'm pursuing you for a reason." In real life, a normal person would turn and run the other way when hearing that, but this is reality TV.

Lesley, the politico, showed us her sexy side with a belly-revealing cowboy outfit and a sexy attitude. I think it was at this point she moved into frontrunner status for me. Not out in front completely, but alongside Kacie and Desiree. Lesley told Sean the real reason she was there was for love. But she said it so convincingly.

They flirted with each other for a while. Sean said every time he felt like going in for a kiss, Lesley would change the topic. And Lesley thought Sean was going to go in for a kiss but backed away. As a southern gal, she expects the man to make the first move so they were at a standstill. After saying their goodbyes, she decided she had to just take the initiative so she went back and planted a big one on him. "I'm just going to leave you with that," she said. And thanked him. Smart, confident and cute.

Kacie sat down with Sean to find out if he was open to moving out of the friend zone. He was. Didn't seem totally committed to the idea, but he wasn't against it, either. Hard to read. But Kacie was happy. She said she never thought she'd want another rose in her life and now she finds she wants ten more.

Catherine revealed her big, dark secret: she's a vegan. I'm surprised more wasn't made of this. I would think that would be a bigger deal-breaker than having kids, but maybe that's just me. She coyly told Sean, "I'm a vegan but I love the beef." Sean looked confused. Probably five seconds tick by before he gets it. Or pretends to get it. I'm still not sure he got it.

Katie the yoga teacher was feeling "excessively unconfident." I thought nothing of it. Every season at least five contestants feel that way. How it plays out is they'll approach the Bachelor or Bachelorette and be told that they're wanted. Then they'd relax and stick around. It's a cry for attention is all it is. Katie's seen enough of these shows, I'm sure, that she thought she'd play that card. It backfired in a big way. She put on the requisite pouty face and told Sean how she was feeling. He didn't even skip a beat: "Okay, let me walk you out." Ouch! Don't let the limo door hit you in the ass on your way out of town.

When it came time to hand out the rose, the lucky winner was Kacie. So I guess he really was serious about being comfortable moving out of the friend zone. One rose down, nine more to go for Kacie. She said she was downplaying it in front of everyone (wise move) but was "super stoked." It didn't matter for Tierra the Stalker: "I wanted to punch her. I mean, seriously?"

The next one-on-one date was with the sweet and cute Desiree. Sean got the idea he wanted to play a practical joke on her. Remember that hilarious one he played on Emily, where he pretended he still lived at home? Oh, how we laughed and laughed. He wants a girl with a sense of humour, he said. Personally, I don't think having a sense of humour and relishing being the butt of a joke is quite the same thing, but whatever.

He took her to a staged art opening. Actors were milling about pretending to be art patrons. Sean and Des were ushered into a room where the pièce de résistance (French for 'piece of junk' apparently) sat in its supposed $1.5 million glory. I don't have much of an eye for art but even I could tell this thing was a lot closer to $1.50 than it was to $1.5 million.

The joke was everyone was going to leave Desiree alone in the room, then the artwork would fall over. "She is going to freak!" Sean yelped with anticipatory glee. "Hopefully she can take a joke." The hidden cameras caught the action. The piece fell over as planned, and Desiree looked over and smiled like it was a joke. Sean and Chris Harrison sat watching on a monitor, pretending all was going as planned. They thought she was buying it "hook, line and sinker." Sean said he felt guilty. All I saw was  somebody laughing at an obvious joke. The artist (another actor) entered and pretended to be devastated. Through it all, Desiree smiled. You know, the way you'd smile if a million dollar item smashed and you were implicated in its ruination. I'd say it was an epic fail of a practical joke, but they acted as if it was a smash success.

He then took Des back to his place for dinner after "definitely putting her through the wringer." She said she didn't know anything about Sean that everyone doesn't already know, so he told her that he's from Dallas and is really close to his parents. Ah! A scoop!

She then talked about her own folks, "the cutest people I've ever known in my life." Then they got in the hot tub and talked about love and marriage. "I think we're on the same page!" she gushed. "We're a pretty good match," he enthused. The rose was just a formality. "You have every quality I'm looking for," he told her, and offered her the flower. But it was payback time after that dastardly practical joke earlier. And let's just say she was equally convincing. She paused and left him hanging. But of course she accepted.

"I see every quality that I would look for in a wife and a best friend," he said. Earlier he told us he wants to be married to his best friend. I could sense his buddies back home all tensing up.

At the cocktail party, he sat and talked to those that didn't get to go on a date. Lindsay, who sported a wedding dress last week, was more in control this week. So much so that Sean was "blown away by her." There's a lesson in there somewhere: Act batshit crazy one week then rein it in the next week and you'll look positively normal in comparison.

Robyn had concerns about her place in the show, being a conspicuous African-American. At least, unlike past seasons, she wasn't the only one. Still, she had to wonder if she was a mere token. She wanted to know how race plays into the process, noting how much more diverse this season is compared to past ones. Sean told her he didn't have a type, other than "sweet, intelligent and funny." In the past, he's dated Hispanics, a Persian, and his last girlfriend was black. Robyn was very relieved. Cue Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney. But I was wondering what her type is. Does she go primarily for blond white guys?

In continuing with the diversity, we learned Selma spoke Arabic. She taught Sean how to say, "You are very beautiful" in her language. I don't care what language it is, you should never have to trick a guy into telling you you're beautiful.

The diversity reminded me of a character in Don McKellar's great film, "Last Night". Callum Keith Rennie played a guy who had a list of all types and races of women he wanted to bed before the end of the world and was working his way through them. The trailer is age restricted but if you want to take a look, here it is.

The dark cloud throughout the cocktail party was Amanda, and the editors showed us every single clip of her sitting stone-faced. They slipped up in one scene, though, when they showed her smiling in a group shot, but we got the idea. She supposedly would light up when Sean approached, but that was it. Otherwise we were led to believe she was totally unresponsive to one and all except for Sean, for whom she'd spring to life.

I realize beauty is subjective, so I'm always hesitant to make comments on looks. But I did find it surprising to learn Amanda is a model. A "fit model" whatever that means. I would have thought maybe a hand model.

Since Katie already left on her own (with a helpful shove from Sean), only two women would be sent home after the rose ceremony. Sarah, Kacie and Desiree were already safe, leaving 13 more to get roses. And they went in order:

1. AshLee, the organized adoptee.
2. Lindsay, the goofball substitute teacher not wearing a wedding dress
3. Robyn, the quirky, back-flipping black girl
4. Jackie, the one who smeared lipstick on and marked Sean
5. Lesley M, the DC cowgirl
6. Selma, the Arabic speaker who wiped said lipstick off Sean's cheek
7. Catherine, the vegan who likes beef
8. Kristy, the bragging model
9. Leslie H, the poker dealer
10. Tierra, the stalker
11. Taryn, who doesn't fight over guys and who hasn't seen the show in years
12. Daniella, who loves to use 'literally' incorrectly
13. Amanda, the dark cloud.

When that last rose went to Amanda, it was so, so predictable. You can't tell me the producers don't have control over some of the picks. Well, you can but I won't believe you. There's no way she should have got one but they know drama when they see it so she was a lock.

Saying their goodbyes were Brooke, the red-headed black woman, and Diana, the mother of two. Sean whispered he didn't feel it was right to keep her away from her girls when he didn't see a future for them together. He could have just said he didn't see a future for them together. Same difference.

My requisite photo of Kacie

And that's that. As I said, my top three are Kacie, Desiree and Lesley. My darkhorse would be Taryn, who we didn't see much of this episode. I know lots of people out there like Catherine, but vegans and Texans don't go well together.

See you next week. I'll try to be on time.

Bachelor America: Kacie and the Sunshine Band of Misfits

I gotta admit when my wife informed me yesterday that our favourite guilty pleasure was starting up again tonight, I felt deflated. So soon? I guess the Americans haven't had one in a while, but it seems we just got through Bachelor Canada. And the draw this time around was big Moose himself, Sean. How could I get through another season?

The always delightful and cute Kacie B (as in Back For More)

But shortly into the premiere episode, I was buoyed. The ever-delightful Kacie B. is back! That'll keep me going. If she doesn't make it to the final (and I'm kinda hoping she makes it at least as far as the hometown dates just so we can see if her parents will get involved this time), I hope she at least lasts long enough so I get to know and like someone else.

Starting off the show, we heard some upcoming quotes. Sean said, at some unseen future point, "Is one of these girls really bad for me and I don't see it?" Um... yes. Yes, she is. I say that without having seen a single one of them, Sean, but trust me on this. One of them is really bad for you. Maybe more. I'll bet anything on it.

There was also a bit of a Miss Emily montage, reliving his bronze medal showing with the southern belle. But now that her second show-inspired relationship (with the Mormon teenager) has fizzled, why not just bring her back and set her up with Sean? Give her one more kick at the can.

Couple other thoughts I had during this first segment: You can totally see Sean's scalp under his thinning hair. Let's see... He's 29... Yep, that's about right. I remember those days. I remember my mom telling me I should get a woman before it all falls out. I waited it out, just so she'd know what she was getting. I'm honest that way.

And this quote from Moose: "God still has another plan for me." Yes, He does. And that plan is more reality TV, clearly. God works in mysterious ways.

Fan of God and country, but still really cute

Now that my infatuation with Kacie B. has been rekindled, I checked out her Twitter and Facebook page. In both she talks about the big guy: "GOD is number one in my life! Love my family, friends, country music, Target, marshmallows and fun! -Psalm 25 LIVING MY DASH!" And "I'm a woman of God and value the simple things in life." Maybe she and Sean are made for each other.

Still, she's so darn cute I would put up with her country music... Or at least try.

Anyway, there are other women on the show. We'll get to them. But first he invited Ari over to receive his Euro-wisdom. They practiced how to say, "Will you accept this rose?", how to break up with someone (Sean: "I can't use 'it's not you; it's me' because it's obvious it's going to be them"), and then Ari gave tips on his patented kissing technique: eye contact, use of hands, pull close, very little tongue. "I think that's gonna be very helpful," said the wide-eyed Moose.

At the start of every new season, the producers decide to highlight a handful of contestants, showing them in their homes. It's a taste of what's to come, although not a guarantee that these ladies will stay beyond the first night. I decided I would rate each one out of 5. Consider it my first-impression rating, based on a combination of looks, sense of humour, normalcy and gut (mine, not theirs). These ratings can, and will be, adjusted as I get to know the characters in coming weeks. Or even minutes.

• Desiree is a 26-year-old bridal stylist and a contender for cutest girl in the mansion. ✭✭✭✭✭ (that's five out of five stars!)
• Tierra, is a 24-year-old Denver gal who wears a cross on its side around her neck (not sure of the significance) and screamed when she found out Sean was the Bachelor: "He's family-oriented!!" ✭✭✭1/2
• Robyn is the first African-American we've seen on the show in a long time. She describes herself as a little quirky and likes to do backflips. ✭✭✭1/2
• Diana is a 31-year-old hair salon worker and mother of two. I think that's a first on the show. ✭✭✭
• Sarah is a 26-year-old ad designer from L.A. with one arm. It's a season of firsts! ✭✭✭
• Ashley P is a 28-year-old delusional hair stylist with a fixation on the steamy novel 50 Shades of Grey and can't understand why she's still single. "I hope Sean rips my clothes off and spanks me." ✭1/2
• Lesley is a 25-year-old political consultant in DC but hails from Arkansas. ✭✭✭✭
• Kristy is a 26-year-old model who says, "Girls will be jealous of me." ✭
• AshLee F, 32, is an anal-retentive professional organizer (and amateur, too, by the sounds of it). She was adopted. She cried telling her story. ✭✭

Those were the vignettes. Next we got to see their grand limo entrances, which each come with their own unique 5-star rating. Here was the line-up, in order:

• AshLee F, who we just met in the vignette. I didn't consult my earlier ratings while I jotted down new scores. I gave her a ✭✭✭✭1/2 here. (Wow, a big improvement from her 2-star rating moments earlier)
• Jackie put her mark on Sean by smearing her mouth in red lipstick and planting a kiss on his cheek. ✭✭✭1/2
• Selma, 29, pulled a napkin from her boobs and wiped the lipstick off Sean's cheek. ✭✭✭
• Leslie, a poker dealer, was also African-American. I don't think there's ever been a season with more than one. There will be no tokenism this year. ✭✭✭✭1/2
• Daniella was a blonde with messy hair and an overblown handshake. Trying too hard to stand out. ✭✭1/2
• Kelly, 28, is a cruise ship entertainer from Tennessee who sang an original ditty. ✭✭1/2
• Katie, 27, is a yoga teacher. I originally gave her 3.5 until my wife pointed out she was barefoot. A walking cliché. Down to ✭✭✭
• Ashley P, the 50 Shades chick, pulled a man's tie out of her front, presumably for some cocktail bondage. ✭1/2 (her rating stays consistent)
• Taryn, 30, a health club blonde who hasn't watched the past few seasons. ✭✭✭✭
• Catherine, 26, from Seattle. Looks vaguely Asian. ✭✭1/2
• Robyn, who we met in a vignette, provided a backflip flop. ✭✭✭ (dropping half a star)
• Lacey, 24, died blonde, gave Sean a heart made of lace. Get it?! ✭✭1/2
• Paige, 25, was a contestant on Bachelor Pad 3. She has the best job: Jumbotron operator. ✭✭
• Tierra, the one who was all a-tizzy over the fact Sean is family-oriented, showed him an open heart tattoo on her ring finger (not as gross as it sounds) and hopes he can complete it. Sean asked her to wait right there, then walked off. Ooh, was he going to have her escorted off the premises? In the history of this show, every single time those three words have been uttered ("wait right here") it's been to retrieve a rose. This was no exception. Nor was it at all tense or dramatic, despite them going to commercial in the middle of it. ✭✭ (dropping from 3.5 earlier)

Incidentally, Sean went rogue by giving a rose so early because Tierra made a big impression on him in the 15 seconds they talked. She was sweet and outgoing with good energy and a magnetic personality, he said. "We have a connection," he also said, leading one to believe Sean is a big proponent of love at first sight.

• Amanda, another model. She had a good sense of humour by getting their awkward pause out of the way early. ✭1/2
• Keriann, 29, who drove 2775 miles to be there. ✭✭✭1/2
• Desiree brought some pennies to throw in the fountain. Still cute as a bug, but down one star. ✭✭✭✭
• Sarah, who we met earlier, drops half a star, too. ✭✭1/2
• Brooke, 25, a record third black bachelorette for the ultra-white Sean. ✭✭
• Diana, the single mother of two gets a star for each child. ✭✭ (dropping a star)
• Lesley M, the political consultant, brings a football and gets Sean to be the centre. He bends over as she calls out an endless play. Turns out she didn't have a play, except for the one she had on getting a good look at his ass. ✭✭✭ (dropping a star)
• Kristy, the model we met in the vignette. ✭✭1/2 (up from a single star)
• Ashley H, the third variation on Ashley, the fourth African-American, and the third model. ✭✭
• Lauren, a blonde Italian who relayed a message from her father: "If you break my heart, he'll break your legs." Nice. ✭
• Lindsay, 24, a substitute teacher dressed in a full-on bridal gown. She asks for a kiss then sneaks one on the lips. She says, "I've got balls." To which Sean quickly adds, "I hope not." ✭1/2

Oh, and one more person specifically wanted to meet him there and she arrived in her own limo. Of course we now know that was:

Guess who?

• Kacie B! ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭ (yes, a record 10/5)

When she walked in the mansion, there was uncertainty. Most didn't know who she was, which had to be a big slap in the face. And others thought she might be there to offer advice. Her main competition in the cuteness category, Desiree, dropped a further half-star in my books when she whined about it not being fair. Hey, suck it up, Buttercup. You're not the only cute girl in town.

But as soon as Des sat down and talked with Sean, she shot right back up to ✭✭✭✭1/2. And just as I made note of that, Sean offered her a rose. I can call 'em.

If you're reading this without having seen the show, 1. Are you lost? Did Google send you to the wrong place? And 2. yes, that's two roses handed out before the rose ceremony. And there'd be a lot more. Sean was calling the shots. In total, he handed out 12 roses just while sitting and talking to girls. Not sure this strategy worked since it made it highly awkward when he'd dismiss one without a rose. They'd sit down all hopeful, having seen almost everyone else wandering around with a flower, then he'd stand and say it was great talking with them. It was the Bachelor equivalent of a handshake. And a wet one at that.

It also didn't work for the viewer, i.e. me, because I couldn't keep track of who got one. I know Selma, Robyn, Lesley and Sarah got one, but that's it. I'll have to do the math later.

Lindsay, the substitute teacher dressed in white, was hoping Sean understood the wedding dress was just a gag. She's a goofball, that one (or so she keeps telling us)! But in a rare moment of self-reflection said, "Honestly I wish I was more sober right now." She made Sean dance with her then slurred, "Gimme a kiss, I'm not contagious." And again went straight for the lips. Afterwards, she had second thoughts: "Maybe I blew it. I went big. Maybe he didn't get it." She regretted wearing the get-up and trying to kiss him. Would it hurt her? Stay tuned!

Classy Kacie

Meanwhile, Ashley P, was "obliterated". Or, as the classy Kacie B. said, "she needs water". Always the lady, that Kacie. After her mating booty dance summoned him, Ash got her moment with Sean and pulled out the tie again. Sean said he brought his rape whistle. That's two good – and quick! – lines from Sean this episode. I wasn't expecting even one. Ash told him that when he "got dumped" by Emily, she called her mom and told her Sean was the guy she was going to marry. Sean handled it all gracefully. Ashley then tripped on a step.

Taryn sat sniffling and whining that she won't fight over a guy or interrupt anyone. Made me wonder why she was even there, then I recalled her saying she hadn't watched the past few seasons. I guess she forgot that's kind of the whole point of the show.

Despite handing out 12 roses already, there'd still be a rose ceremony because 7 more were still available. 12 + 7 = 19. That means seven women would be saying their goodbyes. Let's see who Sean selected:

1. Lipstick Amanda. No, not the one to leave her mark. This was a model. She just happened to be wearing way too much lipstick at the ceremony. (I had given her ✭1/2)
2. Lesley M, the DC consultant (I had given her ✭✭✭✭)
3. Kacie B!!! (I had given her ✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭)
4. Kristy, the bragging model (I had given her an average of ✭3/4)
5. Messy-haired Daniella (I had given her ✭✭1/2)
6. Taryn, still sniffling (I had given her ✭✭✭✭)
7. Lindsay, in her wedding gown. I guess Sean "got it" that she's just a goofball. (I had given her ✭1/2)

So who's in? Who's out? Let me try to figure this out. Hang on a second...

Gone are:

• Paige, now a two-time loser having lost out on BP3 without a rose (✭✭)

• Kelly the cruise ship entertainer (she said she was embarrassed by her singing and hurt by the rejection; surprised she didn't break out into Love Hurts) (✭✭1/2)

• Ashley H, the black model (✭✭)

• all 50 Shades of Ashley P (✭1/2)

• Lacey (✭✭1/2)

• Lauren (Sean's legs are safe... or are they?) (✭)

• Keriann, presumably driving 2775 miles back home (✭✭✭1/2)

I won't bother listing the winners because we'll see them again next week. The upcoming highlights look just as ridiculously awesome as always. If Kacie and Desiree can just remain above the fray, they should be good to sail through this thing, keeping me happy. Because that's what it's all about. But I'll try to add other images next week. I just couldn't contain myself this week.

Bachelor Canada: After the Final Rose (for real?)

Never has an After the Final Rose episode been more truthful. Maybe. There was no mention from the host, Tyler Harcott, that there would be any future seasons of Bachelor Canada, Bachelorette Canada, or Bachelor Pad Canada. Was that it? Time will tell. If this really was the final rose handed out, at least they quit while they were ahead with a solid effort all round.

I feel a bit sheepish writing this one after potentially being called out on national TV. Whitney said the whole thing has been tough on her, that people are nice to her face when she's recognized but that some "tough guys" hide behind their computers. "They think they know me," she said, but all they do is focus on her eyebrows or the protruding vein in her forehead.

Ouch.

Now, I'm sure there are others blogging about Bachelor Canada she could be referring to, but my computer doesn't get the internet so I wouldn't know. But I felt a tinge of guilt. I know I've mentioned her eyebrows. I wasn't sure about the vein thing so I went back and checked. I couldn't find a reference to it in my blog, but maybe I missed it.

A few weeks ago I was reminded how real people are on TV and they have the ability to do a Google search for their name and might stumble across an insignificant blog written by an insignificant nobody (how's that for self-esteem?!). In 2010, I blogged about another American network reality TV show and recently met one of its competitors. I had forgotten writing about him, but he remembered. He had read it from his home in New York City and quoted what I wrote about him. It wasn't vicious, thank God. And he said he was happy I was covering it. But it just drove home the point that even though I think I'm speaking to a handful of like-minded fans in this non-revenue-gaining forum, the people I'm writing about (and sometimes slagging) might be reading. And their families.

So let me share where I'm coming from.

In no way do I think I know anything about the real people involved with the show. All I know is what the editors give us and what the individual decides to put out there. That's what I'm commenting on. I try not to be vicious. Believe me, sometimes I say things while watching that I never put into print just because it's below the belt. I try not to comment on anything too personal. But her eyebrows are a style choice (something she can control) and her fake boobs are a decision she made. Fair game, I say. Plus, she's clearly and objectively a very good-looking woman.

But some responsibility lies with the contestant. In Whitney's case, I liked her in the first episode. But she chose to get catty and competitive and rude. That won't go unnoticed. Nor will I say she's just playing a character and isn't really like that in real life because I simply don't know. All I know is what I see. If you don't want to be called on poor behaviour, don't exhibit it.

Her tears on this episode are a common sight for the villains. They regret their actions and regret their newfound reputation. Let that be a lesson to future fame-hounds. You'll go a long way by being a decent, kind person – or at least faking it on TV. Viewers don't shit on the sweet, normal contestants.

It's too bad Whitney's feeling the brunt of it, but it'll blow over. And if I were ever to meet her, I'd be nice to her, too.

Now onto the show.

We start by seeing upcoming highlights of the very episode we're about to watch, including seeing Bianka and Brad making lovey-dovey eyes to each other. Then the show begins and the host, Tyler Harcott, teases the audience with, "Have things turned out?" Hmm, I wonder. One thing the American producers have taught the Canadian ones well is to make sure any sense of surprise or anticipation is shot dead.

This was only a one-hour episode so there was no dilly-dallying. Brad came out in the first segment and he was smiling ear to ear. He said he was so happy he could "pull a Tom Cruise and get up on a chair." I hope, for Bianka's sake, that's where the Tom Cruise comparison ends.

In the next segment, Whitney came out to no boos. Canadians are a polite people. Well done. And, eyebrows notwithstanding, she looked smokin' hot. But that was never an issue. I don't think she did herself any favours on this night. Once again she was incomprehensible, sticking to her talking points in the face of evidence to the contrary.

Despite how bad she feels, she says she has no regrets about doing the show. That's a bit of a disconnect but I'll let that one slide. She claims she learned so much about herself. She knows she's indecisive and can never make up her mind, even in routine decisions about where to eat. Yet she says she wants to get married and have a family. That's going to require at least one very important decision. Maybe she wasn't ready for the show.

She also revealed that despite the immediate connection she felt with Brad, she said she realized she didn't feel confident he was the guy she wanted to marry in Penticton. I had to go back in the blog archives to find out when that was. It was episode 4, I believe, after Brad got back from Mexico on a group date. He met Whitney in Penticton and they went rappeling down a cliff. She went first. Coming back to you? Yeah, it was ages ago.

So she wasn't confident then but continued to act in a way that suggested the complete opposite. When Brad came out in the following segment, he called her on it. He wondered if she was acting the whole time. He recalled going to PEI with her and asking her if she saw a future together with him and she responded in the positive, 100%. Then that night she called her sister saying, "I don't see a future with him."

Case closed, right? Whitney's got some 'splainin' to do. But she stood firm and kept on point: She "never once acted." Okay, so then... what, exactly? We realize she doesn't express herself well, but surely she can do better than that. Instead she tried going on the offensive: "You had a choice to keep me on the show, too," she said. Aha! Gotcha, sucker!

Uh, not so much. He kept her on the show based on what she was telling him and on the physical connection he felt. It wasn't as if he knew she was making secret calls to her sister back when it happened. But we got no answer to the apparent incongruity.

When the offensive tactic didn't work, she played the sympathy card. The tears came as she whimpered, "You have no idea the stuff I go through now," and talked about how she's been portrayed. But here's the thing, Whitney, if you're reading: the editors can do a lot, but they can't work with what they don't have. If you never made that call to your sister, if you never slagged the other women, if you never turned on the charm around Brad, they couldn't create that. So yeah, it sucks that you're having to go through this now, but you had something to do with it, too.

The next segment was Brad with host Tyler Harcott. I liked this segment because Brad was asked questions from fans across the country. Someone asked if the order he hands out the roses reflect a preference for the women, which is something I've never heard addressed before. He said he goes in the back, looks at the photos, selects the girls, then decides "who can I make sweat the most." Funny answer and truthful, too. I suspect he gets some help in that decision, too, but talking about the process is tricky. Baby steps.

Other tidbits about Brad he revealed: His full name is Bradley Charles Smith. His most prized possession is his Queens University football jersey. His worst habit is he bites his nails. The funniest gal was Ana. His favourite Bachelor host is Chris Harrison (in your face, Harcott! – I'm sure he was half-joking but I liked that he answered straight while Harcott was pleading in jest). The best kisser and smartest among the women was Bianka (naturally). She also smelled the best. And his fascination with the deep V t-shirt hinged on the fact that it showed off his tattoo.

Next came Bianka and she radiated happiness. They looked like a really nice and in-love couple. Brad choked up numerous times talking about her, but they also both have a great sense of humour. Nothing much to report here except Brad said they recently took a 10-day trip and "almost eloped." Also they plan on getting married "as soon as possible."

I'm not sure the record for successful unions the American show has, but it's somewhere south of the Mendoza line. Far south. So wouldn't it be nice if the first ever Canadian show ended with success? And if this is the last season, they'll have batted 1.000.