Bachelor Canada: A real she-said/she-said

I think I've stumbled upon a new tradition: Posting recaps six days after an episode airs. Look, if I post immediately that night or the following morning, it's too fresh in your minds. You know what happened. If I wait until the night before the next episode airs, it's like a little refresher that'll get you ready for the following night's entertainment... That's what I'm telling myself anyway as I find myself super late again. But I think there's merit to it.

Oh, and thanks for the comments last week. Glad to know I'm not alone here.

Tim, Seashell, Lisa the Red, Trish, Kaylynn, and April were in Tuscany this week. Pretty exotic locale. I was wondering how the low budget Canadian offshoot could afford such extravagance until I saw the Buitoni brand splashed about in every segment. They were staying at "the amazing Casa Buitoni where master chefs come to create food," they made Buitoni pizza wearing Buitoni aprons and Buitoni chef hats under awnings announcing Buitoni and we saw ads for Buitoni frozen pizza in between segments. Oh Canada! Oh brother.

Seashell starts out telling us she's falling in love with Tim. Which led to the date card that went, predictably, to Not Seashell. She was upset with a sunken heart when she found out Trish would get the sparkly date. Trish was like, "Are you--? What? No. Huh? Me? Yeah!"

But Seashell didn't have bad words for Trish. She saved those for Lisa. And for some strange reason, after weeks of the Canadian censors letting the word "shit" fly out of their mouths, this week the word was bleeped. Seashell said, "Lisa's not one of the genuine catches for Tim. She's two-faced, she's not taking this seriously, and she has talked [bleep] about every single one of the women."

Out on the patio, naive April asked, "Does anyone question anyone else's connection with Tim at this point?" It wasn't a pointed question, either. She's that sweet and innocent.

But Seashell raised her hand like she was in school, not amongst four friends. She offered that some people are not here for the right reasons. Hey, someone has to say it every season so it might as well be her. Lisa knew who she was referring to.

"I really don't care what they think," Lisa the Red said. "These girls mean nothing to me."

On the date, Trish commented positively on the graffiti. Yes, they were in Italy walking through gorgeous streets and she liked the graffiti.

While the Canadian censors were busy bleeping the word "shit," they missed out on pixilating Tim's nether regions. He was wearing the tightest pants imaginable. We know now which way he dresses (to the right). Those with a hi-def TV might even know if he's circumsized. Good lord!

They sit at a corner table on a piazza. Tim said it was the "perfect place to fall in love." I thought that was perhaps telling. I could see Trish saying that but for Tim to have said it means something more, I'd imagine.

He likes how silly he can be with Trish, a side of him not a lot of people bring out. They kiss and laugh and have a good time. But the whole thing seemed backwards. I mean, first Tim telling us, instead of Trish, that it's the perfect place to fall in love, and then Trish told Tim, instead of the other way around, that she felt he's "holding back a little." What's happening here? Who holds the cards?

Tim explained that he's concerned of "letting go and then being rejected." It's a topsy-turvy world! Trish was surprised (pleasantly) at his lack of confidence.

He then gave Trish a little present because she makes him feel special. It was a box from Michael Hill jewelry (free advertising for product because it makes the company feel special). That's right, Tim gave Trish a diamond necklace and diamond earrings. She's not even in the final two! But I guess the sponsor wanted its name out there sooner rather than later.

Trish imagined in her "imaginary mind" a perfect date would include diamonds ("totally"), Italy ("boom"), champagne ("totes"), and a hot guy (Tim "nailed it"). I think she's being hard on herself. I believe she really has a mind. Not a particularly sharp one, apparently, but a real one.

She whispers, "Best date ever" and they slow dance to an accordion player in a plaza. Trish said, "We fit perfectly." Well, I suppose she'll find out for sure in the fantasy suite. But that's for another episode.

The next date card was for Kaylynn, April and Lisa. You can imagine in your imaginary minds how thrilled Kaylynn was. "Gargh! That sucks!" she enthused.

Seashell added that Lisa's "a nasty [bleep]". What is happening with the censors this week? Since when is "bitch" bleeped out anywhere, let alone on Canadian airwaves?

Lisa called the others, "catty" and "unsure of themselves." Then the Calgary hairstylist said, "They're the epitome of why I don't like females. Simple." I'm sure her clientele will appreciate that.

Before the group date could happen, Seashell informed us that "something happened" the previous night. "The girls and I went out to a bar and..." Hang on. Wait a minute. Is this usual? They went out to a bar? How much down time do they have? I guess the producers said go for it since the show only gets an hour of airtime a week. There's no time to shoot fun stuff around the residence because it wouldn't get shown anyway. So off they went to a local watering hole. I'll let Seashell continue: "... and Lisa did something that was completely unacceptable." Sounded like a set-up to me.

The next night there was silence amongst the womenfolk as they sipped on wine. Kaylynn said, "Nobody knows what to ask or how to address the situation." What happened to her go-to move of crying and running to the bathroom? That's one way.

Trish gave us the dirt: "Lisa made out with a guy at a pub." Now we're cooking with gasoline! The show just got good.

Kaylynn was upset. With her usual tears, she said, "I feel disrespected but I'm more angry than anything." Um, what? I was like, are you--? What? No. Huh? Her? I suppose.

Lisa was an open book. She told the gals that, "You can talk about it if you want. Go for it." Then Seashell said how most of them wanted to tell Tim but wouldn't, to which Lisa chuckled, which riled Seashell. "Don't laugh because I actually wasn't going to tell him." Lisa said, "Even if you were, I want to get to it first." Seashell was curious to see if Lisa would own up to it, adding, "If she doesn't tell him, one of us will."

But first the group date with Lisa, Kaylynn and April (Seashell declared that April was the "only normal one on that date"). It was a painting challenge. The three women would paint a betowelled Tim, then he would declare a winner. And that winner would get to spend the rest of the date with Tim while the others would go home. All three paintings were horrendous. Not an ounce of talent among the three of the women. Kaylynn felt, as she always does, that if she doesn't get alone time this time, she could seriously go home. "And that's scary."

But Tim selected Lisa's offering. Which was good, right, since she had to make her confession. Seems the others forgot about that.

The two went to a rooftop table which led to this classic exchange:

Lisa: I fidget when I'm nervous.
Tim: Why are you nervous?
Lisa: I'm not even that nervous. I just like to fidget.

But Lisa was "sick about it." At the same time, it "secured the way [she] feels for Tim." So she tells him, "As wild as I am and as much of a free spirit as I am, at the end of the day, it's important to me that I have that one person that I love to death and care about and can build a world with." But just at the end of the day. At the end of the night she likes to fool around with waiters.

We saw a side of Lisa we hadn't seen before. And not just when she was confessing to Tim. It was there when she was doing her private talks to the camera, too. "I didn't come into this thinking I'd find love because what are the chances?" Good take. "But it turned very quickly – quicker than I thought it would." She said, "I really care about this guy. I think he needs to know what happened. I can't go on unless he knows." And she actually cried. She's human!

So they're walking along after their dinner and she gets him to sit himself down on a nearby bench so she can break the news to him. According to her, she exchanged the Euro-two-cheek kiss with the server who then grabbed her and kissed her. "I'm really sorry," she told him. "I'm totally crazy about you. I needed to get that out."

If that was the extent of it, I don't see the need for tears or grand apologies. The server grabbed her and kissed her. Doesn't sound consensual. So Tim was empathetic. "It's just a shock," he said. And he hugged her for support. We didn't hear but thankfully closed captioning provided in part by Buitoni Pizza let us know she said, "I'm sorry" in their embrace.

Doesn't quite add up, but I wasn't there.

Then Tim said the next day that as much as he wanted to talk about it with Lisa, he had a date with Seashell to get ready for. What about last night? Why didn't he talk about it then?

His date was the pizza-making one I alluded to above. Did I mention it was Buitoni pizza? I think I did. Seashell wasn't fully in the moment. It looked like the Lisa sitchy-ation was weighing heavily on her. She said, "I think he thinks he knows everything, but I know that he doesn't know everything."

She told him that things were getting weird and the women, or some of them, are no longer amicable. She gave dire, vague warnings about someone he doesn't completely know. And she said this with a straight face: "I didn't want to bring it up today." Are you kidding?! That's all she wanted to do.

Tim looked annoyed, saying, "Who are you talking about?" Seashell remained coy, saying, "Well, Tim, you know who I'm talking about."

According to Seashell, Lisa grabbed "some guy" and made out with him while Seashell pulled her away. Then Seashell turned around for two seconds and there was Lisa making out with him again. Tim, after hearing Lisa's side the night before, looked skeptical, not alarmed. He said he doesn't like gossip or rumours but at the same time, he didn't want to avoid the truth. "I've never felt so conflicted about someone," he said. "This is really tough." But I didn't know if he was talking about Lisa or Seashell, the one spreading the gossip. It was a real she-said/she-said.

It seemed to knock his concentration because for the first time since the first episode, I noticed a string of 'aboots': "I'm aboot to make decisions aboot whose family to go and meet and instead of feeling excited aboot meeting them, I'm feeling distraught. I'm aboot to walk into a rose ceremony and I have no idea what I'm going to do."

At the ceremony, he told them he wants to go with his guy because he's looking for the one and nothing else. Kaylynn looked ready to cry. But that's just her default look. The roses went in order to:

1. Trish the Bejewelled
2. Seashell the Rat
3. April the Naive, who said, "Me?!" when he announced her name

He picked up the fourth and final rose, then placed it back down again. Not sure if he was confused because there was no host there to instruct him what to do. But he called Lisa away to for a little talk. Kaylynn looked around for a bathroom to run to. She was crying.

Tim said, "Can you just say something to me right now?" Lisa told him, "I am sick about what happened. I am absolutely crazy about you. I understand if this is it for us but I don't want this to be the end. I think we actually have something special." Then she whispered, "I'm sorry." All this was done with her hands behind her back. I couldn't tell if her fingers were crossed or not.

They walked back out and Tim picked up the last rose:

      4. Lisa the Red Flag

Kaylynn surprisingly held up pretty well. And without being told to take a moment to say her goodbyes, they did it instinctively. They're smart, those ones. April told Kaylynn, "You have a path and it's not here. Don't worry." Was that a nice thing to say? I think that was the intention, anyway.

Kaylynn gave Tim a big hug and walked away. He didn't even walk her to wherever it was she was going. She said she feels anger, sadness, and cheated. Then she brought up bullies again: "One thing he said his biggest turnoff is bullies, unnecessary meanness and that right there is Lisa. I feel broken by this."

We'll see how the Lisa situation plays out on the hometown visits next week. Er, I mean tomorrow night. Looking forward to it. We saw someone's grandma telling Tim she can see right through him. That means she could probably see the hideous tattoo on his back. Grandmas hate tattoos.

Bachelor Canada: Easy come, easy go

This is just getting ridiculouser and ridiculouser. I'm talking about my tardiness, not the show, although that, too. In my defence: Who knew the show changed days? Not I. I mean, I have it set to record on my PVR so that's no problem, but it says something about a show's success (or lack thereof) when the network just ups and moves it to another night. And says something even more when nobody notices.

To be fair, I didn't watch until Sunday night so this would have been late no matter what. Not that it matters. We haven't received a comment on here in weeks. Not sure anyone is watching. Or reading. This blog is the proverbial tree falling in the forest with no one around. Timber!

The gang was in Toronto this week, Tim's home town. In keeping with the cheap sponsorship-driven narrative, we learned right off the top from Kaylynn that they were staying at the Grand Hotel. What happened to a nice, subtle (and quick) shot of the name?

At least there were no slogans on the date cards this time (that I noticed, anyway). The first one went to April, who proclaimed, "Shut up!" When Tim arrived and took her out to his motorbike, she yelped, "Shut up!" I was hoping for an episode full of shut ups but it was not to be.

Trish didn't appreciate April's glee, saying, "What's that about? Quit being so happy." And Dominique pouted that she's "never once been alone with Tim away from the girls. Ever." I distinctly remember an R-rated kiss the two shared, presumably in private. But, yes, she had never been on a date with him. But that kiss was more intimate than anything he's done with anyone else. That's gotta count for something.

Tim drives April off through the streets of Toronto to a spot by the lake overlooking the highrises of the city. It's a spot, he tells her, where he actively chose to be happy and his life changed drastically. I think he's got a thing for April and she may be the frontrunner. This message to her spoke volumes. That being said, I'm usually wrong.

He asked April if she'd ever been in love and she revealed she had been in a 7-year relationship. But the dude betrayed her trust and it ended. She said trust is very important but more than that, she wants unconditional love. Tim is so smitten he took that for her opening up.

But there's more she hasn't told him. Is it the passing of her father that we learned about in the first episode or is there more? She's mysterious. She said she doesn't know if she can trust him. Hey, why bother? If he mistakes vague platitudes of unconditional love as baring your soul, that's all he needs to know.

At night they went to an establishment with a pool table. April tells us she learned to shoot pool with her father and by the looks of things, she's pretty damn good. But so's Tim. She suggests a wager: if she wins, she gets to drive his motorbike; if he wins, he gets a kiss. They've already kissed, and would probably do so again anyway, but it was worth it to him just so he wouldn't have to lend out his precious motorcycle.

Tim won. Barely. He said it was "the highest intensity game I've ever played." And he got his kiss. It was no Dominique-style kiss, but, as I said, his chopper was safe.

April liked it, too. "What if I say I lost on purpose?" she teased. "Ha, ha, win-win for me." He gave her a rose.

The next date was a group affair with Kaylynn, Lisa the Red, Seashell, and Trish. Dom was the odd woman out. They went to Canada's Wonderland, a big amusement park, and had the run of the place. Tim called himself an adrenaline junkie so they hit all the rides. And that was some roller coaster. It went way up there. Then he had the gals race each other in go-karts, the winner getting some one-on-one time with him.

Lisa's dad is a car guy and she was in her element. Kaylynn, on the other hand, doesn't drive and doesn't even have her license. But she does have desperation on her side. Trish took it sloooow. We saw individual clips of them all but there was no sense of the race. We heard Lisa saying Kaylynn was on her tail, but the video evidence saw her out there with no one behind her. Then we heard that at the end, with Lisa in front, Kaylynn nudged her from behind and overtaking her for the win. But then we heard that Lisa finished last. With the shots of Trish moving at the speed of a grandmother tortoise, how is that possible? More importantly, why do these details bug me so much?!

Lisa said she will never underestimate Kaylynn again.

So Kaylynn gets to hop in a stationary jalopy outside a '50s diner with the man of her dreams. The problem was the other three girls were sitting in a booth inside at the nearest window. I wonder if the producers thought that through... Of course they did!

Kaylynn mesmerized Tim with her kiss stare. Poor Tim was helpless. It worked and Lisa gagged on her food, stopping short at vomiting in her mouth as she's always threatening. (Side note: Where else can one vomit? Am I doing it wrong?)

Nobody witnessing the smooch was impressed with Kaylynn's lack of couth. You might be wondering why Tim got off scot-free but it was because he was helpless. Nobody can withstand Kaylynn's kiss stare.

Kaylynn and Tim enter the restaurant to icy stares. Tim gets uncomfortable and takes Seashell out for a walk, where she tells Tim that they all know he has connections with different girls but "it just sucks seeing it." Tim responds that he has to take any opportunity he can get to see if there's a connection.

Back inside, Lisa says she just has to ask Kaylynn if she felt what she did was appropriate. Kaylynn looks down shamefully and says "everyone knows what they signed up for." This is true. Point to Kaylynn. Then Lisa replies in agreement but suggests that if the roles were reversed and it were Lisa out in the car kissing, Kaylynn would be in the bathroom bawling her eyes out. This is true, too. Game, set and match to Lisa. Kaylynn begins to cry. Lisa tells her she's got nothing to say to her. Kaylynn gets up and goes to the bathroom to bawl her eyes out. Woah! How did Lisa do that?

Kaylynn, the eternal victim, said, "Others would have done the same thing but because it's me, I'm getting attacked. I just can't handle it." And for the umpteenth time she hints at leaving: "I'm questioning if it's worth staying." Trish thinks Kaylynn is cracking.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Somebody returning to the fold. But it doesn't matter. Nobody doing this has ever moved past that particular episode... Except Ed. Didn't Ed do that in Jillian's season? Maybe. Okay, nobody else making a return visit has ever made it past that episode.

It was no surprise to learn who it was. I called it last week, not that it was much of a call. And while they tried to build the suspense this week, we saw the black Camaro driving down the street. It was Natalie. She came back with dyed black hair, although I thought she had black hair anyway. Goes to show how observant I am. Trish thought the new hair made her look like a witch.

Natalie said she was there "to give Tim that time to get to know me." The one-on-one date she had last week wasn't enough, I guess. Lisa said, "What the hell?" And, of course, talked of vomit in her mouth again. Somebody mentioned it was "unfair" she returned. But they're thinking of this like a game, not life. If the goal is for Tim to find the woman of his dreams (and that's a mighty big 'if', I grant you), then fairness shouldn't enter into the equation.

Natalie leaves to find Tim. She knocks on his door and he looks stunned to see her. She asks if they can chat in the hall. Tim invited her in. He was gobsmacked. She was there to get one more rose ceremony, the one she walked away from. She regretted leaving in haste. She exuded the confidence she never showed last week and Tim admired that. So long, Nervous Nat; hello Nervy Nat.

Tim didn't give her an answer right away. He needed time to process. She thanks him and leaves. Then there's another knock on the door. This time it's Dominique. She told Tim she felt a connection to him but she just felt he's closer to others than he is to her so she thought it was time to go home. Okay, see ya!

It wasn't quite like that, but Tim didn't exactly try to persuade her to stay. He said later he realized he didn't make enough time for Dominique, the model-slash-receptionist. In her farewell talk to him, she told him, "There are some amazing women down there. And I just hope you get to know them. Be careful. Seriously." Bum-bum-buuum! Ominous.

She told us who she was talking about, but not Tim. He'd have to find out on his own about the "bully and evil Lisa." I have mixed feelings about Lisa because I find her attractive and funny. But there must be something more that I can't put my finger on because I've hated previous "evil" women who were beautiful. But I will admit she certainly isn't showing her best side. Canada's a small country, population-wise, and she'll eventually get around to meeting most of us. Then again, it's doubtful more than a few hundred people have seen this season.

Tim processed and informed the remaining five that Natalie will be joining them at the rose ceremony. Nasty Lisa said she hates Nat's "fake hair, fake smile, and fake essence." Nervy Nat said she's "enjoying throwing a wrench in their plans." She said she "can definitely see" Tim giving her a rose.

Lisa said something very deep that requires levels of thought mere mortals can't even reach: "If Natalie were to stay and I were to go home, I would know that I am not the girl for Tim. Straight up." It seems so obvious on the surface, doesn't it? There must be more to it than what appears to be something like, "If I got dumped, I'd know he doesn't like me," but for the life of me, I can't figure it out.

At the rose ceremony, we were still left rudderless, without nominal host Tyler Harcott. He's been MIA for weeks now. I don't know how the show continues without the ladies being told there's one rose left and if they don't get one, to say their goodbyes. But somehow it does.

April had her rose. One person would be going home. The roses went in order to:

1. Trish, who hopped over to Tim and giggled with glee
2. Seashell
3. Kaylynn, who let out a big sigh
4. Lisa the Red Flag

Natalie didn't get one. You can imagine how devastated she was: "Oh, well," she said with a smile. Easy come, easy go, I suppose. She didn't cry. Said she got the closure she wanted. Then she was driven home. I guess she had to come back the next day to get her Camaro.

Next week the gals and Tim are off to Tuscany. Looks like lots of Lisa drama ahead. I'll try to remember to watch on Tuesday night. Oh, God, that's tomorrow!

Bachelor Canada: Your Ad Here

The good part about being so late last week is that now when I'm only three days overdue, I look like a keener. I think it's fitting, though, that I post this on the Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like American Thanksgiving but not as in-your-face. Just like Bachelor Canada compared to The Bachelor. But enough chit-chat. Let's get on with the show.

The gang was in Nassau in the Bahamas this week. This gave Tim licence to don his off-white pants and roll them up calf-high. Add to this already fantastic look: dress shoes sans socks.

Bachelor Canada has nowhere near the budget or support of the original American version. If you didn't cotton on to that fact earlier, you certainly would have this episode when the limo pulled up with advertising on its door for a website with a .ca extension. Whatever works, I guess. Even if it doesn't.

They even got the contestants to read ad copy for them and mask it as normal speech. Tell me if this sounds natural. Trish said, "I'm so excited to be here at Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort with Tim!"

And to top it off, the date card has that same Canadian website advertiser on it. It's all so low-rent it's embarrassing. No wonder Tyler Harcott hasn't shown up in the past couple of episodes, including tonight. Maybe he needs sponsorship badges all over his suits like race car drivers.

Speaking of the date card, it was a one-on-one and it went to Prim & Proper Natalie. Lisa the Red spent the episode bad-mouthing sweet Nat. She said, "She wants this bad. It feels like this is her last kick at the can at love." Yes, at 27, Natalie better get on it. The clock's ticking. Lisa, at the sprightly age of 25, has years and years left in the love tank.

Tim said he was waiting for that spark with Natalie because the last time they spoke, it felt more like an interview. I think that's just how she talks. Not an interview so much as a teacher talking to her very young pupils. So Tim thought he'd go the old alcohol route. They ambled over to the Daiquiri Shack and got drinks to go. That'll loosen her up.

She felt they had a deep connection. But their conversation was stilted. Drinks in hand, he asked her, "How's the room?" She replied "I'm trying to mix it." Tim was trying to process her answer when she ran it back in her head and realized he didn't ask how the rum was. He was clearly asking about the whole situation, the relationship with all the other women, etc. But she answered, "Oh, my room is great." With that electric connection, talk turned to the weather.

Tim said, "She just won't relax." Lisa the Red was back at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort (sorry, couldn't resist) talking shit. That's right, she used her favourite expression again, saying Natalie was "fucking bat-shit cray." She said if Natalie came back with a rose, she'd walk off the show. Not only that, "I may actually vomit in my mouth."

The others, all supportive and polite Canadians, were getting tired of Lisa's shtick. And Trish admitted she was "a bit scared of Lisa."

Meanwhile, Natalie said, "My vibe from Tim is that he's quite interested." Actually, Tim couldn't look less interested if he tried. Her vibe-o-metre is wonky.

They walked along the beach and Tim wasn't feeling com-fort-a-ble. Yes, he uses four syllables for the word, like someone just learning the language. Or maybe he just wanted to talk to Natalie on her level. I'm sure that's how she'd over-pronounce the word, too. He told her that he wouldn't be giving her the rose, that he needs more time. Got that? No rose, but she wouldn't be going home. But Natalie was upset. She said she'd rather go home now than at a rose ceremony. She wasn't thinking clearly. It's possible someone else might implode (hello Kaylynn!) or otherwise take themselves out of the running and Natalie might end up getting a rose. But Tim wasn't going to pressure her to stay. So off she went.

In her exit interview, she said she was tired of being vulnerable. And you knew she was really upset because the Prim & Proper one said, "I need to open up my effing eyes and realize what the hell is going on." She actually said "effing" just like that. To her credit, she didn't say "H-E-double-hockey-sticks" but I wish she did.

Back at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort, Lisa was on a roll with her trash-talking. April didn't like it. "Lisa's being a bully and it's hard to deal with," she said. Lisa was saying things like, "Her voice annoys the shit outta me. She's completely socially awkward," when who should walk in the door crying but Natalie. She came to say goodbye. As she told them the news, Lisa gasped, put her hand to her mouth, then was the first to get up and rush over to Natalie to hug her. As she was hugging Natalie, Lisa said, "You're one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met." She graciously left out the part about her voice annoying the shit outta her.

The others couldn't believe what they were witnessing. Trish called Lisa a Jeckyll and Hyde. "She's a wiry, fiery devil and I don't trust her at all."

The group date was Kaylynn, April, Lisa, Dominique and Seashell. Trish and Rileigh were shut out. They went on a snorkelling adventure. You know, to look at turtles. Kaylynn, who likes to keep close tabs on her mood swings, announced, "I'm so happy right now!" But that was before she found out they'd be going shark diving. With no cage.

I didn't know that was a thing. You certainly don't hear about it on Shark Week, unless something goes terribly wrong. There were about twenty of the creatures swimming around looking all shark-like.

Kaylynn's mood shifted quickly, as it does. "I'm extremely terrified of sharks!" she said. Uh, who isn't? Seashell said, "Kaylynn is a bit of a drama queen and attention seeker. No one likes that." Nailed it. But her fear wouldn't draw any attention from Tim because when she got out of the water after a close brush with the big fish, all the other girls were already on the boat.

Except April. She and Tim swam alone romantically amongst their potential killers.

Then he took them to a private island to unwind. Dominique finally got some air time. She could use it, too, because she didn't have much time for air with that hot and steamy kiss she shared with Tim. She led with her tongue and his probed back for an uncomfortably long time.

Kaylynn came along and interrupted. Dominique got what she came for and gladly got up and went back to the others to report on her passionate lip-lock. April wasn't impressed. Apparently Dominique was with Tim for all of ten minutes. And Trish was shocked, too.

Kaylynn said, "I had my breakdown. It's out of my system." Because that's usually how those things go. You have one, then you're all good for the rest of your life. She told Tim she wanted to kiss him. His lips were probably still numb from Dominique and he hadn't moved an inch, but he told her he wouldn't stop her. That must be his lucky kiss chair. So off they went, moments after Dom was there, on another kissing adventure. Kaylynn must have tasted Dominique but didn't know it. Holding Tim's head post-kiss, she said, "I feel so happy."

April then came to interrupt and dragged Tim from his lucky kiss chair to go sit on swings. We didn't see that because it's only an hour show and we needed to see Kaylynn find out that her kiss came on the heels of Dominique's. To her credit, she didn't break down and she didn't report on how she was feeling at that moment. But she did say, "Shit, this just got real."

The last two women went on a two-on-one date. And as per custom, only one would stick around. My prediction pre-date was that Rileigh would be the one to go.

They took off on a yacht. Tim stole Rileigh away first. The Foul-Mouthed Philosopher hasn't been so foul-mouthed in recent episodes but she's still a philosopher. She told Tim she got into more advanced philosophy and "it'll blow your mind." Then she said, without a trace of irony, "I'm actually super smart." I was getting more and more confident with my prediction.

Trish told Tim she had been engaged to a guy she'd gone out with for eight years, but she just wasn't ready and called it off. Tim appreciated the connection.

They took a smaller boat to a table on a beach complete with a butler holding a champagne bottle. But it was a table for two, meaning it was decision time for Tim. He addressed Trish first and she looked horrified and broken up. Rileigh, the super smart one, was lit up.

But Tim gave the rose to Trish. Rileigh stayed smiling and it seemed genuine. She was definitely philosophical about it. She hopped back on the boat and wished them well. Trish and Tim peeled off their clothes and ran into the water and kissed. I guess his chair was underwater.

So with Natalie and Rileigh gone, there were six at the rose ceremony. Trish already had a rose. Dominique, despite the series' most passionate kiss, felt confident she was going home because out of every other girl, she's the one who spent the least amount of time with Tim. Hey, girl, it's quality, not quantity that counts.

Tim called it a "daunting" decision. The roses went in order to:

1. Seashell
2. Lisa the Red
3. April

At this point, Kaylynn looked down and shook her head. She knew there was only one rose to go and it was between her and Dominique. No doubt, she was also thinking that Dominique got in her kiss before she did.

Tim said he needed a minute then walked back purposefully to the producers. Not Tyler, because Tyler has been MIA for a few episodes now. Kaylynn said, "What the fuck's he doing?"

But not to worry, dear worrier, he came back with an extra rose. You got it: everyone would be getting one. "I'm not willing to let you guys go. Not yet," he told them. So the ceremony continued:

     4. Dominique
     5. Kaylynn

I thought it was telling that Dominique went first, but then when we saw Kaylynn getting hers, Dominique looked dejected and wasn't holding one. So who knows what fancy editing tricks were going on.

Tim then informed everyone they were going to... Toronto! Enough of the world nonsense. They all feigned excitement.

In the upcoming highlights, it looks like Natalie returns. Can't say for sure but that's my best guess. Should be good. I'll try to be even earlier next week. No promises, though.