Bachelor Ben: Home sweet hometowns

Why, hello there! What's new with you? Great to hear. Okay, enough small talk. It's showtime.

It's hometown visits week! I don't remember much, but I do seem to recall there'd be some drama in some of the homes. But isn't there always? Or, more accurately, there's always drama in the upcoming highlights and then it turns out to be nothing. Let's see how it plays out.

Oh right, there's the issue of Amanda's kids. And some brother telling Ben he's brainwashing the women. Yeah, it should be a good one. Okay, can we just get on with it? We don't need five minutes of upcoming highlights.

Only four women left: Amanda, Caila, JoJo and Lauren. First hometown is in Laguna Beach with Amanda. They meet on a sandy beach, running towards each other. I don't know how serious this relationship is because there was no running leg-wrap.

Sitting on the beach, Ben grills Amanda on what to expect from the kids. She tells him that they love to be chased. Just like their mom. And here they are now on the beach, brought by what must be their nanny. They're dressed like twins but they're not twins. They're not immediately warm to Ben, but he wins them over. Ben says the day feels so natural. Can't wait until it gets even more natural.

Here we go! The little one is bawling in the backseat on the drive home. I think this a first for wee ones on this show. Usually they're like show business kids, always happy and smiling. Amanda's folks wonder if Ben is ready to be an instant dad. But he passes the mom interview, although mom is withholding judgment until more information comes in. She tells Amanda she sees Ben with her... eventually. i.e. not now.

Dad tells Ben there's a big difference between thinking you want children in your life and actually having kids in your life. He tells him they have to come first, even ahead of going out with his buddies. Whatever, man.

Amanda now feels like she's in love with Ben. And what did I tell you about the highlights? Bogus! There was no screaming kids and frazzled Ben. Everything went well. So let's see how bogus the other highlights are.

Next up is Lauren in Portland. The flight attendant says she's already in love with Ben but hasn't told him yet. They walk around the City of Roses with nary a rose in sight. They hit the famous Portland food trucks. Then it's off to a "whiskey library" or "liberry" as Lauren pronounced it. (She really did!) They leave their whiskeys almost full to go meet her family.

Lauren is waiting for her family's approval before she tells Ben she loves him. Lauren's sister takes Ben away to flirt with him one-on-one. Ben tears up when he says he feels really lucky. I think it was a ruse to get sis to give him a hug. I see through this charade.

Lauren also tears up when talking about Ben. She says she feels like he's her person, that she was meant to meet Ben. Worked like a charm.

Ben tells her dad he's not coping well meeting all the other dads and families. I thought tears were going to go 3-for-3 but he came up short. But they come back when Lauren (Lolo) talks to her dad. 3-for-4 is not bad.

After all that, Lolo still doesn't feel it's time to tell him she loves him. He drives off.

Now we're in Hudson, Ohio, to meet Caila's family. Ben tells her "your town is absolutely beautiful." I guess he forgot that it's not really Caila's town. She's got no roots. Although she did go to high school there. I wonder if we'll hear the story of her 17 moves prior to this town. Her dad is CEO of a toy company. Maybe he's Santa Claus.

Caila's mom is a Filippina. Not sure how old she is but she's wearing braces. Makes her look even younger. She gives Ben a lesson on pinoy food. The dad asks Ben what it's like dealing with "microwave fame." A polite way of saying he's got 15 minutes.

Caila whispers through her tears to her dad saying, "Daddy, I know this is it." He reassures her that there is no rule book to love. But he's worried she might get crushed. She tells her mommy that she knows he's the one. Mommy suggests Caila run downstairs, jump on Ben and tell him she loves him. Must be the way they do it in the Philippines.

She has plans to tell him after they kiss. They have a good kiss, but she balks and just says "See ya."

Our final destination is Dallas, JoJo's hometown. JoJo comes home to a dozen roses and a letter from Ben. It's a two-pager, too. What's this all about? No, it's not from Ben. It's from JoJo's ex-boyfriend named Chad. Classic. She stops reading. Now she's upset. I wonder if the producers put the ex up to it. I love that she didn't recognize Chad's writing right away.

Then she calls Chad up. He tells her he's "literally gone through so much since [she's] been gone." He tells her he wants her for the future. Now he knows what love is, and she showed him what love is. She's incredulous. He's insistent, saying he doesn't want to lose her. Ben walks to the door.

Chad tells her he cares so much about JoJo and loves her so much, but she responds, "But you didn't while we were together."

Ben enters and is greeted with an emotional hug. He doesn't know what's happening. JoJo explains it to him. He feels very uncomfortable. He's been down this road before and it hasn't gone in his favour. But she tells him she's the happiest she's ever been, through tears. Things get resolved. They hug and kiss. Wonder what Chad thinks watching this.

They go off to meet her family and her two bros mug swarm her at the door. Everyone's happy. So far. JoJo describes her family as very loving and very protective. There's a lot of plastic surgery going on in the family so it's odd that dad is full-on male pattern baldness.

The bros grill Ben first. They want to know if their sister is going to get hurt or end up happy. Ben doesn't have a good answer for them. They want Ben to be as real as he can. They look suspicious but that could be the editing.

JoJo tells her mom she's falling in love with Ben. Mom tells her to go for it, and usually she's the one to tell her to hold back. Dad is a real warm dude, isn't he? He doesn't warm up any more when Ben says he doesn't want to make a ton of promises.

When JoJo tells the bros she's been on only two one-on-one dates, they sink further into the abyss. One of the bros says his read is that Ben isn't emotionally invested as she is. He tells Ben he's brainwashed the girls. The mom takes a swig out of a wine bottle. Things are going south in a hurry.

The bro suggests Ben has been coached on his answers. Proving that he's not been, Ben responds like a politician. The dad warmly says he appreciates Ben's answers. Where was JoJo in all this? Outside Ben fills her in on the drama.

On a side note, JoJo is wearing open-toed boots. That's what it looks like anyway.

Ben says it wasn't the hometown visit he would have liked. JoJo is scared of losing him. I think she will lose him. Rose ceremony next.

Back in Los Angeles. JoJo's low cut dress reveals that maybe she's not unfamiliar with the plastic surgeon, too. Amanda is wearing a short short skirt. So is Caila, but not quite as short. Lauren has the classiest look.

Now the roses:

1. Lauren
2. Caila (I wrote it before he announced it)
3. JoJo

Mommy Amanda goes home to her kids. I wonder if she'll take that as a repudiation of her girls. They sit together. She tells him not to be sorry. She says she wishes she had been told in her hometown instead of sending her back to LA just to send her home. Yeah, well, that's not how the game works, toots. We want our rose ceremony! She thanks him and says she'll miss him. No tears. Of course there'll be plenty at home once she gets there.

In the limo she says she's shocked and at a loss for words. Then proceeds to talk. She thinks he's amazing. Ben chokes up after the car has taken off, telling the camera that he'd like her to know he cares a lot. But he can't go on. He's getting verkempt.

Next week in Jamaica he apparently tells two women that he loves them, then says he's scared he's made a mistake. Ya think?! I'm guessing those two are Lauren and Caila. I think he only chose JoJo this week out of fear for his life. But who knows? Not I. I don't do spoilers.

Bachelor Ben: Blindsided!

The week before hometowns is upon us. But it's somebody's hometown: We're in Warsaw, Indiana, where Ben grew up and went to high school. It's a quaint town where the diner has a hi-tech sign written in chalk that reads, "No, we don't have wi-fi. Talk to each other!" So bossy.

Ben meets an actor couple playing his parents. They're much too young and good looking to realistically be the parents, but whatever. When describing each of the women still left, he avoids saying, "Becca is a virgin." How is that not the go-to description of her?

Ben meets the remaining half dozen on the lake. He pulls up in a boat of some kind. Odd looking thing. He takes them to a quaint house where they'll hunker down for a week.

The last remaining Lauren gets the first date. She's the flight attendant. I gotta remember that. I think I'm finally starting to figure out who everyone is.

Ben drives Lauren around in a red pickup truck. She's snuggled right up to him as he drives. I'm not sure she's wearing a seatbelt, but it's a small town. He shows her his high school, told him he played quarterback on the football team (of course he did), showed him his church, talked about his first kiss in Grade 7.

Final stop, Baker's Youth Club. Ben worked there for four years so he has special privileges that let him park on yellow lines. They walk into a gym full of kids shooting hoops (it's Indiana, recall). The club organizer gets a kid named Halfcourt Ronnie to take a half-court shot. If he makes it, Ben has to kiss Lauren. They gotta come up with better stakes. Halfcourt Ronnie, perhaps unsurprisingly, hits the shot.

The big moment comes when Paul George and George Hill of the Indiana Pacers walk in, pushing Ben and Lauren into the background. But Ben impresses Lauren with the way he interacts with the kids. She says he's going to make a great father. They kiss again, without anyone making a half-court shot first.

At night Lauren wants to bring up the charges brought against her last week by... I forget already. Oh right, Leah. Leah said Lauren wasn't the same around the house as she was around Ben. It all seems like such a researchable topic. Simply ask a few of the others. But Ben trusts her. This date brought things full circle, he says, whatever that means. But Lauren is relieved. Half-court shot!

They end up at Ben's local dive bar, as he calls it. They sit and drink with a bunch of other people. Who are these people? Friends of his? Strangers? We'll never know. Lauren tells the camera she's in love with Ben. She doesn't get a rose, though, only because there isn't one to give out.

The next date goes to JoJo. I haven't warmed to JoJo yet. Nor Emily, for that matter. Probably not Amanda either. That's half of them.

This date is in the Windy City. Chicago? Yes, Chicago. Ben is a huge Cubs fan so they go to Wrigley Field. Ben calls her Joj.

They don some jerseys and play ball. Ben pitches to Joj and she pops one slowly out of camera's eye. Ben says she "crushed" the ball, forgetting that everything was filmed and we witnessed it. They lie down in the outfield and talk, with their images up the big screen.

Ben says he's more himself around JoJo than he is around anyone else. Maybe she's his frontrunner. Not mine, certainly.

At night, a table for two is set up in the outfield. Ben tells us he's falling for her. Is that code? Joj seems less than sure. She tells him she's trying not to hold back. He says when she gets scared, she pulls back. It's clear this strategy is working for her. Or not. Now he tells her he questions to what extent her feelings are there.

She tells him, "I can confidently say that I care about you more than" (hard swallow) "anything." She tells him she's not afraid to fall anymore. She more Team Ben than she's ever been. Home-run! (Or at least first base.) Again, no rose, but no rose to give.

Caila, Amanda, and Becca are going on a group date. That means Emily the Twin gets a one-on-one. She breaks down in tears of happiness.

Come to think of it, Becca is also not on my frontrunner list. To me it's between Caila (1) and Lauren (2). I guess if I were going to put them in order, the rest would be (3) JoJo, (4) Amanda, (5) Becca and (6) Emily. But I digress.

More fun on the lake, this time in row boats. Becca and Amanda in one boat, and Caila and Ben in the other. It's a group date. That's hardly fair.

Then they fly some kites, and sit in a barn with a rose on the line. The rose turns the group date into a one-on-one. Whoever gets it gets to hang out the rest of the day with Ben with the other two going home. Again unfair.

I'm sure the editors are running Amanda's film audio speed faster. If not, she should audition for voice acting work in cartoons.

Becca's been stressed out and tells Ben. She's tightly wound, that one. If only there were some way she could loosen up...

She gives Ben permission to send her home. She whispers, "Just don't blindside me." My best bet: She gets blindsided.

Caila tells Ben she doesn't have deep roots. She moved about 17 times before college. Why is that? Will we ever find out or will this be like the Ugly Toes issue: only hinted at.

The rose is looming. He feels good about all three of them, he tells them. He gives it to Cartoon Amanda, which I guess is no surprise since we saw highlights of Ben frolicking with her daughters.

Becca and Caila sit and mope while Ben and Amanda take off in a limo. Finally Becca cries. She is human after all. She's frustrated and confused and wondering where they go from here. Blindsided, you might say.

Caila is also upset. She's hung up on this community thing, or lack thereof.

Did you know Warsaw is the Orthopedic capital? That's what the sign says. They must be proud.

Ben takes Amanda to McDonald's. Product placement at its worst. How romantic. They were told to order breakfast, I'm certain, since it's a new thing Ronnie Mac's is offering. But at the table, they're eating fries. That's not breakfast food! (Don't you think he should have taken Emily on this date?)

But that wasn't the extent of the romantic date. From fast food to a carnival. Ben says it feels right to be around Amanda, describing her as "funny." Now that's funny!

They do a bunch of rides that scare Ben. He makes a great point: "Fair rides scare me. They get set up in a day." Thanks, Ben. I'll never go on another fair ride.

Last date, this one with Emily. He's on that big, weird boat on the lake. This date is so special she took off her thumb wrap. Caila describes Emily as a "bright-eyed puppy. Everything is new and exciting, but the thing is she's got so much to learn still." Caila, for the record, is 24. But a wiser, more mature 24. Emily is a young 23.

Ben takes Twin 1 to meet his parents. Talking to people can be a difficult thing for her, she admits. She says she needs to not be nervous. And then we see her yammer nervously and nonstop to Ben's mom as mom sits smiling vacantly, especially when Emily admits to dreaming of being an NFL cheerleader. Then dad asks her what she likes doing and she's stumped for an answer. All she can think of is to say she loves sitting around watching movies all day long and doesn't like vegetables. I think she's totally ready... for Ben to adopt.

Mom naturally thinks Emily is too young for Ben. I also think mom is wondering about son's ability to find a life partner.

Mom gets teary with Ben without explicitly stating, "No! Don't choose Emily!" But Ben picks up what she's laying down. I wonder if she'll get sent home from the date. Meanwhile, Emily is oblivious. She's over the moon.

On the boat she says, "Where are we going? You're not taking me home, are you?" Um, yup. Smart move by Ben introducing her to his parents first. Everyone else will look great to them in comparison. He sits her down outside the house with the other girls inside watching and sends her home. She takes it relatively well. Actually really well. The girls inside are shocked, in that special schaudenfreude way. Emily does break down a bit inside telling the girls what happened, but she'll be fine. It would have been an awkward hometown date with her anyway, especially if Twin 2 is lurking.

There are five left. It's four for the hometown dates, right? Who will be leaving? Ben doesn't even seem to know. My guess is it's Blindsided Becca.

Ben tells Chris Harrison there's one person who isn't quite there yet. Caila seems to think it's her. I doubt it. He's not a complete idiot.

The rose ceremony is outside in public. No one is around, though. It would be cool to see passersby. Amanda has a rose already. The rest go to:

1. The one and only Lauren
2. Joj
3. Caila

Bam! Nailed it! They don't call me the Bachelor Blogger for nothing!

I gotta feel for Blindsided Becca. She whispers to Ben on the way out, "Why did you do that?" Now she's telling him, "I asked you yesterday not to blindside me." But does that mean he has to choose her? Any time he sends her home would have blindsided her. But she tells him she'd rather it be now than later if he was uncertain. So she took it well, too.

In the limo she speaks of her frustration. Sh asks herself why she keeps putting herself in this position. She doesn't want to be alone. I think she's going to have to put herself in a different position very soon.

Judging from next week's highlights, looks like we got some fun coming up. My one take-away is that JoJo's brother looks like Greg Brady. Not as much as Ben looks like Peter Brady, but close enough.

Bachelor Ben: Unfounded confidence lost

And we are continuing with the To Be Continued. Will Olivia be sent home or not? I'm on record as saying Not. No way. She's not done for. Ben asked to speak to her before the ceremony, but she has a rose. It ain't happening. Let's see if I'm right.

Ben is asking Olivia what her side of the story is. He's concerned that she's not connecting with the other women. Olivia feels like she can't win. Everyone is into painting their nails and doing each other's hair. She, on the other hand, prefers reading books in her room and thinking. Or as she puts it, "I wanna talk... smart... things." Well said.

She realizes she comes off as intimidating but it's because she's really confident. But she breaks down and cries like someone not so confident.

And as expected, she comes back with rose in hand. He tells them he enjoys and appreciates each one of them. They're all different. Well, now that one of the twins is gone anyway.

The remaining Twin is angry that Olivia is still there. Olivia talks tough, telling the camera, "Come at me, bro... Everybody else can suck it."

Now we're at that point we all hate: a rose ceremony to start the show. Who is already pre-rosed? Olivia for one. Who else? Must be Amanda and Lauren H. The others go to:

1. Caila, naturally
2. Lauren B., whichever one she is.
3. JoJo
4. Becca, the virgin
5. Leah. Who? Has she had any camera time this season?
6. Twin

So the Twin gets one. Meaning Bennifer is going home. What? One woman? Much ado about nothing, methinks.

All right, pack your bags. We're going to the Bahamas.

There will be three dates: 1-on-1, group date, and the dreaded 2-on-1.

Hey, speak of the devil. Leah gets some camera time. But she doesn't get the one-on-one date. That goes to the terminally sweet and cute Caila. Leah is speechless, much like she's been all season. She's questioning everything. At least she's figured out how to get some airtime: tears.

Ben comes in to get Caila and sits down next to Leah. It would have been perfect if he had introduced himself, like, "Hi, I'm Ben. I don't think we've met."

Caila and Ben are going deep sea fishing, one of his favourite activities. They set off on a big fancy boat. Leah bawls back at the hotel. I can't be too sympathetic because we get to see Caila in a bikini hauling in a big fish.

Okay, Leah, stop. Get a hold of yourself.

Ben calls Caila funny, beautiful, sexy, smart, but he wants to get to know her below the surface. He tells her she smiles a lot, and he guesses she smiles through tough times. But he's looking for someone who cries through tough times. Careful what you wish for, buddy.

She tells him she's not sure if she's ready to cry on his shoulder. She feels put on the spot. He understands. She tells him she feels like she loves him, but she doesn't know why she can't share. She thinks maybe she's not ready. Her greatest fear is that she can't totally completely fall in love with someone. Her greatest fear is breaking his heart. Not sounding good.

He thinks he might be saying goodbye to her tonight. If so, let's start the Caila for Bachelorette campaign now!

He wants to know what exactly she's feeling, if she thinks he's not the right person. She admits to being a confusing person. But she talks her way out of it. We know this because hopeful music starts playing. Ben melts. She feels real happiness. He thinks it's attracted to her confusion. It's authentic. So she gets the rose and we can breathe a sigh of relief.

Earlier I made reference to Ben looking like a young Tom Cruise. In this episode, he's looking like Peter Brady.

It's group date time. And another boat date. They hint at Jaws but instead get swimming pigs. Looks like they're feeding them weiners. Is that appropriate? Isn't that cannibalism?

JoJo is struggling with the group date dynamic. Ben thinks she should get how it's awkward for everyone. It's awkward especially for Leah, who was expecting the one-on-one. And she tells him that, too, tearfully. She feels like a group date groupie. She tells Ben she's human. Ben gets that she's human. They hug but she goes back and cries some more to the others saying Ben is an idiot for not giving her a chance.

At night, Leah feels like she's going home. Boo-hoo.

Ben grabs Becca first. He tells her he felt like she was standoffish with him today. She cops to it. But she says she really, really likes him and they kiss.

Everyone seems to think Lauren B. is the frontrunner on the date. Is she the flight attendant or the kindy-garten teacher? I mixed them up last episode. Get rid of one of them.

Leah tells Ben she thinks Lauren B. is different in the house than she is towards him. Is she making that up? Have we seen evidence of this? Lauren B. walks in on them. Timing is everything. Oh, and Lauren B. is the flight attendant.

Ben confronts the flight attendant. She doesn't get it. The thought gets in his head and he doesn't know what to do with it. If I were her, I'd ask Ben to canvas all the other women to find out what they think.

Lauren B. tells the others what was said. Leah gives a perplexed look, like that's crazy talk, and says, "Well, I didn't say anything." Okay, Leah, we're onto you now. Leah says, "I would never be the type of person to single somebody out." Clearly the others should rush to Lauren B's defence.

Rose time. I bet it goes to Leah. Nope. It goes to Amanda, who takes a whiff of helium before saying, "Thank you!"

Leah is relieved Lauren B didn't get the rose, but she didn't get one herself so says she'll have to do something more extreme. Classy.

Amanda, while stroking Twin's arm, who's lying in bed, suspects it was Leah. Now Leah knocks on Ben's door to make him believe it was Lauren B. Even classier. She figures if someone goes home, it increases her chances of staying. But I don't think she's thought this through. If she somehow bypassed all the others and won the whole thing, Ben would find out while watching the season play out on TV, and he'd dump her in a second.

The camera just happens to be on Ben sitting by himself in his room when Leah knocks on the door. Ben pours them some wine and she gets down to business. Her sociopathic tendencies come shining through. She says there are situations with Lauren that she doesn't care as much she lets on to him. She's totally lying. I think that's a Bachelor first. She says, "I'm not here to sabotage your relationship with somebody." Except that's exactly what she's doing. But Ben sees through her. He doesn't want to sit there and talk about Lauren B. with her. Good for him. Good guy, that Ben.

He tells her something just doesn't feel right. She says, "Really?" He sends her home! Backfire! Ah, sweet karma. He must have been tipped off. Does he now discount everything he heard about Lauren B?

"I literally did not see that coming," she says. She feels foolish but thinks Ben is the fool for letting her go. He thinks he has no idea who she is. Boy, ain't that the truth!

Twin 1 calls Twin 2 to rub it in that she's in the Bahamas. Ugly Toes thinks Twin 1 is a child, but they're the same age. She knows it, too, but still thinks she'll feel like the mom on the two-on-one.

Olivia is almost giddy because it's her first "almost one-on-one." That's glass-half-full thinking! Twin 1 is terrified. It's another boat ride. I guess there's only so much to do in the Bahamas. It's stormy out there. Here's hoping one of them throws up.

They sit on the windy beach and drink white wine. Ben takes Olivia away first. She buries her ugly toes in the sand as they sit and talk. Smart move. She tells Ben she's more of an introvert and she's at peace with that. She's very grounded. She tells him she's really strong and confident. "Deep... intellectual... things are just... my jam." I think Aristotle said that first.

Her confidence grows even more. "From here on out, hometowns, whatever, it's all a breeze," she says. She's so in love with him. She thinks he's given her more validation that anyone else. She's getting the rose (in her mind, anyway).

Next up is Twin 1's turn. She wants this date to be the turning point. She's very serious. She knows she has a lot of growth "and stuff" in front of her. He walks her back without a kiss.

Ben picks up the rose then takes Olivia away with it. Emily is heartbroken and devastated. That means Emily will get it. Let's see.

Ben tells Olivia she was able to speak from her heart. She looks hopeful until he says he doesn't think he can reciprocate his feelings. So he tells her he can't give her the rose he's holding and has to say goodbye. What is going through her mind now? And will we get to see her toes?

He goes back to Emily and says he doesnt' want to stop this journey with her. She accepts the rose and squeals as Olivia stands motionless 50 feet away. Ben and Olivia Emily get on the boat and leave, while Olivia stands still with her toes buried in the sand, all alone. Poor kid.

Ben doesn't feel like talking to anyone at the cocktail party. He sends in his henchman, Chris Harrison, to let them know.

Here we go. Three roses to give out. Twin 1, Squeaky Amanda and Cute Caila already have a rose. The rest go to:

1. Virgin Becca
2. JoJo was a man who thought he was a loner
3. Lauren B the flight attendant

Finally, one of the Laurens is gone. I liked the other one, but there's only room for one Lauren. The kindy-garten teacher goes back to the kiddies. She doesn't really get it. She thought she'd be great for him. She's feeling like she's never going to fall in love.

In the upcoming highlights Twin 1 says she can't believe she just met Ben's parents. So there goes that surprise. Looks like in the final he pulls a Jason Mesnick and sends the girl he loves more home, then calls her up to make things right. I love it when the show provides its own spoilers.

No, I don't.

See you next week.