Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Bachelor Sean finale: Oh. My. Gosh.

Sorry we're a little late here but I needed time to wrap my head around what happened last night. I'm still recovering. Flabbergasted, I was. I did not see this coming. I may be alone in this, but I never warmed up to the Seattle hippie, Catherine. Nice enough gal. Good looking. Seems fairly intelligent. I can't put my finger on what it is exactly, but if it weren't for the fact she was the ultimate winner, she had the personality of a typical anonymous contestant who goes by under the radar each week. 

Yes, damn you
I could have sworn Lindsay would be anointed Mrs. Sean. Was it the editors playing games with us? Perhaps. When we saw Catherine looking like she was getting cold feet and Lindsay so confident, it was unlikely they would allow the show to play out exactly like that. So they were giving us a bit of the old misdirection. But still, they couldn't manufacture the goo-goo eyes Sean was giving Lindsay the whole episode or the standoffishness directed at his soon-to-be-bethrothed.

While I liked Lindsay quite a bit more, they were an odd final two. Both had a youthful immaturity that's often cast aside as "not being ready to settle down" in this series. But Sean's his own man. Besides, it's not as if the track record of more mature winners in the past is anything to be proud of. So this pairing might actually work. Or, most likely, not.

Slow news day
The episode started off with Chris Harrison breathlessly telling us there's some late-breaking news he'll share with us on After the Final Rose. Ooh, what would it be?! They've broken up? They got married in Vegas already? No, nothing so exciting. Turns out that... wait for it... they're going to get married at... wait... some undetermined date in the future! Are you all tingly inside?! Oh, and since they met on TV, they're going to allow ABC to film the wedding. Isn't that a given? Hasn't every Bachelor wedding been on TV? And haven't there only been, like, two?

That's gotta hurt
Anyway, we sat through two hours in Thailand first. I was excited to see a passing glimpse of a neck-ring lady. I remember being fascinated by a photo in National Geographic (or maybe Ripley's Believe It Or Not) when I was a kid of a woman with a giraffe-like neck thanks to rings stacked from the shoulders up. I don't know why they do it – maybe it's how they treat whiplash there? – but it's freaky.

Sean's family met him and would meet both of the women for, apparently, 20 minutes each. Who knew the visit was such a whirlwind? Sean told his family that Catherine comes from a "great family." Huh. Was it the two evil sisters who told him Catherine wasn't ready to settle down yet or their single mother? Certainly not the absent father. Not to slight them (I come from a single-parent family with two evil sisters*, and we grew up in a run-down house, too). It's just that I wouldn't expect Mr. America who grew up in a mansion with both parents to consider anything less than that to be "great."

*If they're reading this, I'm just kidding.


I'll drink to that
Sean told the gathering he didn't know he could have such strong feelings for two women at once. Is American coming to understand polyamory a bit better? Is the next step polygamy? Can we hope to see a Bachelor Utah with the guy whittling down his choices from 25 to 5? I think we'd all watch. Anyway, if an all-American God-fearing southern Christian gentleman like Sean is now aware that love can be just as strong split two or three ways, maybe there's something to it.

Catherine got the first visit. She left her knuckle-rings, Birkenstocks and tie-dye t-shirt at home but kept the nose-piercing. She'll only capitulate so far for her man and national television. She was out of her element, I thought, seeming nervous the whole 20 minutes. Her answers to mater and pater were stilted and rehearsed, but she did have a bit of a connection with the dad. In fact, it looked like they had a bit of a crush on each other.

Did you catch the family's names? Jay and Sherry were the parents, and Shay (I think that's the spelling) was the sister. That's right – Sherry, Sean and Shay. That's compromise right there, isn't it? You can almost hear the discussion.
Dad: Why should they both start with the sh- sound, Sherry? That's not fair. My name doesn't start with an sh-.
Mom: Hmm... I see your point. How about if we make up an sh- name to rhyme with yours?
Dad: Deal.
Lindsay's visit was much looser. She fit right in with everyone and they loved her. They asked her about her gutsy decision to wear a wedding dress the very first day, saying, "That took a lot of nerve." Lindsay, without skipping a beat, added, "And a lot of champagne."

...because we're not sure about him
The dad then told a weird story to Lindsay. Apparently the day baby Sean was born, he and Sherry began praying for a wife for baby Sean. Is that normal? I've heard homophobia runs deep in the south, but that sounds a bit extreme.

In fact, that was the first of a record-number of references to prayer and faith in the episode. Made me think it was Bachelor Utah already.

Yes, I'm aware, as I mentioned, that editing might very well have led me to believe Lindsay was the one. Yes, he said, "Lindsay is a perfect fit for me" and "She's the piece I've been missing for so long," but maybe he said equally seemingly meaningful statements about Catherine that they just chose not to air.

Speaking of editing, Sherry and Sean had a mother-son heart-to-heart where she said, "You don't need to be proposing to either one of them." That's what we were teased with for weeks. The full quote isn't quite as severe: "It's got to be something you're so excited to do and just feel like in your heart it's the absolutely right thing to do or you don't need to be proposing to either one of them." Still, Sean bristled. After saying he was hoping his family would provide some clarity for his dilemma, now he was saying, "I want your opinion and perspective but more than anything I want your support." So basically he wants them to provide clarity only if it jibes with his own conclusions otherwise just nod and agree.

Still more sly editing tricks. We hear Sean saying he truly believes his wife is here and we see Lindsay walking down a dirt road towards him. Wife = Lindsay, right? But these crafty little manoeuvres by the producers didn't sway me; rather it was the intensely contented flushed looks he was giving her on their last date. They floated down the Mekong River on a craft looking like it came from the Asian Gilligan's Island. The smooched and made lovey-dovey eyes the whole way. Lindsay told him, "I love you. I really, really mean it. I've never meant it so much." So presumably she's said it lots in her 24 years but always had her fingers crossed.

That night Linsday brought out some lanterns, onto which they wrote three wishes: Love, Happiness, and Family. Then let them fly away. Perhaps not a good move in retrospect. Still, Sean said it all feels "so comfortable and so right" with Lindsay. And "At this moment, I really think she's the one for me." Yeah, right, ya big fibber.

The best thing in Catherine's life
The date with Catherine was, like the visit with the family, more proper, distant even. They rode an elephant bareback. That's a long way down. I feel vulnerable sitting on a horse. I can't imagine the fall from such a "majestic" creature (Catherine's description, not mine). I did think it was funny that on this last date with the man she was falling in love with and could possible end up marrying, she described the elephant ride as "this is the best thing in my life!"

Catherine admitted that past relationships have failed because she's been the first to say, "I love you." Which is why she hadn't said it yet. Which makes it all that more inexplicable that she was not only around at this point but was the one chosen. What am I missing here? Plus there were no lovey-dovey looks from Sean when she said things like, "I honestly can't see it any other way it going down than me accepting your proposal. I couldn't not [sic] see that happening." He just looked expressionless when he mumbled "Yeah" back to her. Maybe he was confused by the double negative and was processing it.

But Catherine was hellbent on telling Sean she loved him. She waits until her back is positioned toward the camera. They embrace. They kiss. It's coming... Here it comes... "I love you"... Did you hear it? That was a whisper. That's as much as she was willing to bend since he had yet to reveal his emotions. But what was his response to this opening up? Did he give her the lovey-dovey eyes? No, of course not. He used them all up on Lindsay. Instead he robotically offered, "Thank you for today."

And apparently it wasn't just me that noticed. Catherine angsted it out after he was gone, telling us she looked up at him "hoping to see a glimmer of 'I wanna be with you forever'. And nothing." She called the process "painful." She even ran out to catch up with Sean. Did he make it all right? Not really. ZombieSean said, "We had fun today, right?" It was, as she related, "one of the most horrible goodbyes I've ever had... I can't get anything out of him!... I want him to reciprocate his feelings for me." Then she cried on her bed.

Bet the house on Lindsay
At this point I called my bookie and put my life savings on Lindsay for the win. And then to further convince me of my error, Sean picked out a full-sized ring from Neal Lane, rather than a knuckle ring. That's it, it's gotta be Lindsay, I thought.

I wasn't alone. In the studio audience were rejected babes Lesley, Sarah, AshLee and Jackie. Lesley was the only one who predicted a Catherine victory but I chalked that up to them being besties.

At the final rose ceremony, Lindsay and her foot tattoo were the first out of the limo. Good thing she didn't go with the wedding dress this time. Although she was pretty confident she was the one: "Today is the day I'm going to get engaged," she said. She wasn't nervous at all. Just calm. She stood in front of her man gleaming, waiting for the inevitable proposal that would never arrive.

"You have been such a surprise," he started.  He says he didn't see their relationship coming; he didn't know the depth he would find. He was amazed at her strength, courage and generosity, among other attributes. And then: "This is the toughest thing I've ever had to do." And he may as well have stopped talking because Lindsay stopped listening. She let him go on, nodding throughout. He stammered, "I love you, I know I do," and started crying. Lindsay was awesome throughout. "Stop," she pleaded. "Just please. It's okay. Was it me?" She said she was in shock and so was I. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go. Because this is just really, really painful. This is my nightmare. I really didn't see this coming. So... I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you found love. But I honestly can't imagine my life without you." She then hugged him and took off her shoes. I was thinking she might huck them at him, but it was not to be.

Before Catherine arrived, Chris Harrison delivered the not-so-fateful letter. No, it wasn't from his mother. It wasn't from Desiree, either. Not even a hastily scribbled fuck-you from Lindsay. No, it was a boring old sucky letter from Catherine. But what if Sean had picked Lindsay? That would have been fun. Now we're talking drama. But as it was, much ado about nothing.

She showed up and he proposed, making them the first interracial couple on The Bachelor. Since the producers were recently sued for discrimination (and won the suit), I wonder if Sean was under any pressure.

And in real late-breaking news, this just in: In Googling that story above, I discovered another Bachelor lawsuit. It seems I very well may have been swayed by the anti-Catherine editing after all. Apparently blogger Steve Carbone revealed as far back as November that Catherine would be the winner and, he believes, this is why the producers made her practically non-existent:
Carbone has a hunch that producers may have shown very few clips of his predicted winner Catherine Giudici’s interactions with Sean throughout the season to potentially throw off fans who may have read his spoilers.   
“Obviously there’s no way for me to prove it,” he said, but adds that none of the editing in past seasons has been as “blatant as it has been with Catherine." 
In a March 7 blog post, Carbone said he was counting down the days until he was “vindicated” from his spoiler and that in the beginning of the season there may have been some doubt “because of how little camera time Catherine got.” 
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/03/11/bachelor-producers-try-to-silence-show-spoilers-ahead-finale/#ixzz2NOscLi00
As Sean was letting her know she was the grand prize winner of a lifetime with him, she was practically hyperventilating and apparently lost all nostril control. She accepted his request for marriage. He could finally say loud and proud, "I love you so much." So now was her chance to shout it out, right? She had no more excuses not to. Not so much. She still whispered it back to him, not fully understanding how microphones work.

This record is apparently broken
What she didn't whisper was "Oh my gosh!" That was said at full volume. Over and over again to the point where I had to rewind the segment and start counting. From the time he proposed until they rode off on an elephant (saddled this time), she said, "Oh my gosh!" 15 times. Fifteen. For reals. Oh my gosh, it's true!

At the After the Final Rose, Sean said something potentially revealing. In Thailand, he'd have us believe it was a toss-up right until that final day when he suddenly woke up with clarity. But sitting in front of a live audience, without the benefit of editors, he said to Lindsay that in the "days leading up to this, I was thinking, 'What can I tell her? Can I give her a reason? Can I provide you with that closure?'" Days, plural.

And, as mentioned, he prayed about the decision. So really, blame God. It's out of Sean's hands. (Not surprisingly, I don't think we heard a single mention of prayer or faith in Bachelor Canada. Then again, we're a nation of heathens.)

Chris Harrison took a turn as Sean's dad, asking Sean how he knows he's ready to take this next step of marriage. "I just know," Sean said. "When you know, you know." You know? He really paints a picture with his words, doesn't he?

Stay gold
The big news for me was the new Bachelorette. It's cutie-pie Desiree! She was a bit too made-up on the show last night, which doesn't suit her natural beauty. I hope she stays the way she was this season. And I hope her brother stays the same, too. Don't go all Hollywood on us. I can't believe no mention was made of her brother. He's got to play a huge role in the upcoming season, I would think. I would hope! I wonder if they'll even find 25 guys who are brave enough to risk meeting her family. We'll find out this summer.

And that's all I wrote. Thanks for hanging out.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Bachelor Sean: Catfight!

A brief summary of what went down at the annual Women Tell All exposé. Some of it actually happened.

Audience: (Cheers turn to cartoonish boos and head shakes at the mere mention of Tierra)
 Lesley: Tierra's sparkle never sparkled.
Brooke: Tierra was just seizing an opportunity. You guys are just upset because you didn't do the same things she did.
Everyone: (silence and confused looks) 
Chris Harrison: (leading the witness, Tierra) Going in, did you ever think you'd be this girl?
Tierra: (refusing to be led) Yes and no.
Chris Harrison: Don't you know this show is scripted? 
Tierra: Call me Edison – I light up in a room. I bring joy wherever I go. These biatches judge me based on what I look like.
Me: (audible laugh)
Tierra: They just felt I didn't want to be friends with them.
Chris Harrison: Did you want to be friends with them?
Tierra: I didn't want to be friends with them.
All the other women: (smirks, scrunched up noses, sideways glances throughout)
Tierra: Nope, no apologies from me.*
Robyn: You're delusional.
Jackie: You're fake.
Selma: You're rude.
Brooke: Own it, sister.
Tierra: I was friendly!
Tierra: (milliseconds later) I wasn't there to make friends.
AshLee: I don't appreciate being called a liar.
Tierra: I'm not calling you a liar, AshLee; I said you lied to me.
Everyone watching everywhere: (literally ROTFLMAO)
Tierra: AshLee ganged up on me.
Me: A one-person gang?
Lesley: Tierra made her own bed – her own cot, what have you.
Tierra: I apologize to all of you guys for you guys thinking that I didn't want to talk to you. (see above asterisk*)
Tierra: Can I better myself? I think everybody can better themselves in life. So in other words, no more than you guys.
Chris Harrison: What's that giant rock over your half-hearted finger tattoo?
Tierra: I'm engaged!
Chris Harrison: (verbatum) How did this happen???
America: Right?!?!
Chris Harrison: Is this a hoax?
Tierra: Absolutely not.
Chris Harrison: How long ago did you get engaged?
Tierra: No comment.
Chris Harrison: I'll remind the witness she is under oath.
Tierra: In January. 
Chris Harrison: No one has touched America's heart quite like Sarah.
Me: Seriously?!
Older woman in audience: She's my favourite.
Sarah: (crying) My whole life I've been strung along. I think I'm funny, smart, great. I don't get it.
Chris Harrison: Last week was the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.
Me: Until the next one, anyway.
AshLee: I was lied to! He told me I was going to meet his family and be besties with his sister. This guy's not quite who I thought he was. He was a southern gentleman with me. With others he kinda acted like a frat boy.
Sean: Um, your hair looks pretty...?
AshLee: Why, thank you!!... Wait a second. Stay on point.
Sean: I couldn't find the laughter with you. That's why I picked the two most immature girls in the house. 
AshLee: I felt dishonoured by you.
Sean: See what I mean?!
AshLee: It really hurt when you didn't come back and check on me.
Me: I thought she was whisked straight away back to the United States. Guess not.
AshLee: You said things to me on the overnight. How can you change in four days?
Sean: Oh, you dear, sweet, naive girl. 
AshLee: Why did you say you had absolutely no feelings for the other two?
Sean: I didn't say that.
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't.  
AshLee: Yes, you did. 
Sean: No, I didn't. 
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't.  
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't. 
CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't. 
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't. 
AshLee: Yes, you did.
Sean: No, I didn't. 
BACK FROM BREAK
Sean: That was awkward.
America: Wasn't it?!
Chris Harrison: There's a real chemistry between you and Desiree.
Sean: Everybody loves Des. I git it.
Desiree: My brother liked you.
Sean: He has a funny way of showing it.
Because she deserves it
That's about it. Bottom line, while she was there, Kacie was put in the back row like a nobody and didn't speak once (or was edited out). That's a fine how-do-you-do for the real America's Sweetheart.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Bachelor Sean: The Virgin Diaries

Tough week. Was this the episode that finally jumped the shark? Wait, maybe I'm not using that phrase correctly. But it was the episode that really hit home what a cruel game this series really is. Yes, it's always toyed with emotions. But it really hits home when someone so vulnerable gets jerked around. Or maybe I'm just growing soft.

It was final 3 week. Sean took Lindsay, AshLee and Catherine to Thailand because he's "frickin' crazy about all three of them." Catherine is "sweet, funny, intelligent, weird, nerdy and goofy." I thought the writing was on the wall for AshLee when he said, "I need more silly in my life."

AshLee's heart (right)
Yet he claimed to have the strongest relationship out of all of them with Ash. But there weren't any glowing adjectives about her, just that she has one of the biggest hearts he's ever come across. I didn't know he was an expert in cardiomegaly. She should get that thing checked out.

With Lindsay, he said, the "spark has grown into a massive flame." I think he meant it in a good way. At first he didn't think she had the depth or maturity he was looking for but now sees that she's "loving, caring, generous, supportive, and hilarious."

Lindsay was the first to try her hand at deflowering the man-child. But first she had to bring herself to saying those three embarrassing words: I love you. And boy, was it awkward. If there's kissing involved, Lindsay's a champ. But speaking sincerely is a strain for her. This was also the first episode where I noticed she sounds kinda ditzy. Maybe I never noticed before because she's a brunette.

The couple went to a market and tried grasshopper and some other bug. No sign of Joe Rogan anywhere.

Enough with the Tweets already
This was the segment where those annoying Tweets started popping up on screen. Who's doing that? Is it ABC or individual stations? Whoever it is has to stop. I don't mind the Tweets separately, but they're too intrusive during a scene. You read one and it pulls focus from the dialogue. You may miss a nuance. What do you guys think of them? Pro or con? If they're set on mixing media like that, how about at the end of each segment, show some scenery behind a few select Tweets?

Back to the date. Sean said he feels like he's with his high school sweetheart when he's with Lindsay. Plus, she's the adventurer he needs because he wants to live a fun, exciting life. For her part, the 24-year-old told Sean she was ready to settle down. And it sounded almost as convincing as when she managed to squeeze out "I love you."

They wound up at a place that translated as Monkey Beach, for some strange reason. Can't figure it out. They fed some little kids frolicking in the sand.

Lindsay said the reason she hasn't yet expressed her undying devotion for Sean is because she's afraid of getting hurt. It got me thinking: How is this different from Lesley? It clearly doesn't matter if a girl tells him she loves him or not, it would appear. It's just an excuse he can trot out if he's not feeling it from someone when he sends them home.

When it was cards on the table time, Lindsay got all tongue-tied. It was painful to watch. "I'm so excited for our life to start," she said. "You make me so happy. I mean... it doesn't get any better." Sean knew she had something on her mind so he asked her what she was thinking. Pause. And saved by a parade! That was a close one! So there was no mention of the L-word.

Not then, anyway. Later she fumbled around saying, "There is something I do want to tell you... I love you." That may read lovingly and warm but believe me, it was the farthest thing from that. Her face said, "I know I'm supposed to be saying this so I will but I don't like it one bit." Still, it made Sean feel good no matter how insincere it sounded. But it got her to the fantasy suite, which she jumped at, even without Sean letting his intentions be known. This leads to my theory on why I think he chooses Lindsay. If the cover of People magazine at the checkout counter is to be believed, the winner, his fiancée, is chomping at the bit to consummate their relationship. The fun-loving Lindsay seems more likely to joke about it than the more "traditional" Catherine, who would probably suffer in silence.

Knowing that AshLee was sent home, we can look for clues (and signs of future damage) after the fact in her date segment. She started off by saying, "I love Sean more than words can express." Oh great. This isn't going to end well.

That is the question
They went off on a boat and stopped outside a cave. So they hopped in the water and swam through it in search of a private beach at the other end. It wasn't a typical thing Ash would do because I don't know if you've heard but she has a little fear of abandonment. They were both scared but Sean told her to hold on to him so he could be the protector and leader. It was pitch black. But AshLee knew that you have to "let go or you don't fall in love." Hold on or let go? You could see their signals were mixed.

They survived. Ash was making a concerted effort to change her thinking and a lifetime of being in control. The wall she'd built up around her was crumbling. Sean was a huge part of this process and that brought about a deep love for him that would soon shatter. She felt there weren't two human beings who belong together more than the two of them. Ouch. "Every part of my being wants to be engaged to Sean next week." Double ouch.

They talked about being single at their advanced ages (ah, the folly of youth!), which led to AshLee saying, "Why settle?" and "I'm glad I waited." I guess the editors cut out the rest of her sentence, which was, "I'm glad I waited until I was 17 to get married."

But there was the whole fantasy suite card to ponder. AshLee doesn't take it lightly. She said she's not willing to morally put herself out there when he was still dating two other women. She expressed her concern to Sean, saying, "I don't want it to come across that the boundary has been crossed." And then immediately accepted the invitation to the sex room.

And then, in a moment that might have cost her, she rattled off what kind of engagement ring she wanted (diamond encrusted) and told him her ring size, saying, "I definitely know what I want." This is a side of AshLee we hadn't seen before and it might very well have scared him off.

And she ended the segment telling us, "This man has literally mended my broken heart." So he is a cardiologist afterall.

Next up was the childlike Catherine's date. She spent a good part of it bringing up her supposed weirdness. While it's charmingly self-effacing, that kind of thing can also backfire. Tell a guy you're weird long enough and it'll sow seeds of doubt.

He did say he still had questions about her. He also said that of the final three, their lives were the most different. So those are potentially more hints about the final result being Lindsay. But we know how the editors like to try and trick us.

Sean asked her if she'd be open to living in Dallas. She would because she's "pretty expired in terms of Seattle." She was also "pretty pissed" at her sisters, for throwing her under the ice bus. She opens up more to her friends than her sisters, so how would they know what she wants? Why didn't she invite her best friend to the hometown visit then? I know the vast Bachelor-viewing world loves Catherine but I'm not sold on her. She's fine but I haven't developed any feelings for her one way or the other in all this time.

She put Sean's mind at ease about settling down, meaning she told him what he wanted to hear. She also hadn't yet told him she's falling in love with him, either, which, as we've learned, means nothing. It doesn't matter because, as Sean said, "Catherine gits me better than anyone else." They then stood in the pouring rain outside on a boat and Sean rammed his tongue repeatedly into Catherine's mouth. Every time I see that sloppy kissing, I'm reminded of Ari's advice to only use a hint of tongue. I think Sean wasn't paying attention. He just heard "tongue" and "kissing" and made a note to himself to make sure he used lots of it.

Catherine said she saw them with "a kid involved" within five years. Not sure the involvement. Don't want to know, to be quite honest with you. She admitted she's "pretty traditional, which is surprising because I'm so weird." So was now the time to hit him with the full extent of her feelings toward him? Go for it, Catherine!: "I like you a lot." Doh! Fail.

She read the card from Chris Harrison (more likely the prop department because I refuse to believe Chris has such girly handwriting) offering a night in the sex room. Catherine did the requisite dance: she's a traditional girl, blah, blah, blah, and then accepted. She told us she likes that Sean treats her like a lady and said, "Being intimate tonight is very important." Spoken like a true weirdly traditional gal.

So did they or didn't they? Is Sean really saving himself for marriage? Maybe Catherine wanted to be intimate and when the doors were closed Sean put the kibosh on that idea. But something AshLee said on her exit makes me think he won't be a virgin bridegroom afterall. But we'll get to that.

Sean woke up from his 3-day sex binge knowing who to send home. The other two relationships are just stronger. When he described his choice as "one of the sweetest women" and "so full of love" I knew for sure it was AshLee. She is definitely that. And gorgeous, too. By far the most beautiful in a classic sense of the three. So while I feel bad for her fragile psyche, I have no doubts she'll find a good man in no time.

When Harrison sat down with Sean, he asked the bachelor if he thought his wife was here. Sean said, "I think it's gonna happen, yeah." Harrison's response was, "Wow." What the--? I know statistically speaking the show has been a disaster at arranging marriages, but come on, Harrison, at least act like you knew it would happen this time.

Sean then watched three personal videos the ladies made for him. Lindsay's was cute but offered nothing. More awkwardness, like she didn't really believe what she was saying or just supremely embarrassed at having to talk sincerely. Catherine's was more real, more earnest, serious and sincere, with a touch of fun, calling Sean a "mega-hunk." When AshLee's video came on, Sean's beaming smile, which was prevalent throughout the first two, subsided. AshLee, to no one's surprise, choked up. She said things like "together we're whole" and "I'm no longer broken. For that, I will always love you."

That sealed the deal. Sean knew he must re-break AshLee. "I just know I'm not supposed to be with her," he said. But he was worried (rightfully) that "she won't be okay once this is over today."

So the final rose ceremony of the season arrives. AshLee brought out her big guns to help in the deciding process. But Sean was perhaps blinded in the headlights because he stuck to his own guns. AshLee looked unconfident while Lindsay and Catherine both looked hopeful. Given none of them knew anything, why would AshLee be concerned? In her mind, they were one. They were getting engaged next week. But she must have known something. The roses went in order to Lindsay and Catherine. Ash stood there looking steely and angry. As Jobim might have said, she stood and stared in icy silence.

Cue: How Insensitive, by Antonio Carlos Jobim. The guy is the one staring in icy silence in the song, but the sentiment is spot-on:
How insensitive
I must have seemed
When she told me that she loved me.
How unmoved and cold
I must have seemed
When she told me so sincerely.
Why, she must have asked,
 Did I just turn and stare in icy silence?
What was I to say?
What can you say when a love affair is over?
Now she's gone away.
And I'm alone with the memory of her last look.
Vague and drawn and sad:
I see it still,
All her heartbreak in that last look.
Why, she must have asked,
Did I just stare in icy silence?
What was I to do?
What can one do when a love affair is over?
Here's Dame Shirley Bassey switching roles for a musical interlude:



Chris Harrison missed his cue. He didn't come out and offer condolences and instruct her to say her goodbyes. So AshLee didn't. She just walked away, right past Sean telling him to "just stay here." But Sean followed her out, begging her to let him tell her his reasoning. He said he thought it was her from the beginning, it was the hardest decision, and he thinks the world of her. Throughout his soliloquy, she stared daggers into his shrunken heart. "I did not want to hurt you," he pleaded. She said nothing and when he was done got in the car, as bricks were slowly being added back to the wall that had begun to break in her throughout the season.

"This wasn't a silly game to me, a joyride, about laughter and joking and having fun," she said. Clearly not. And here's where I think maybe Sean and her got it on back in the sex room. She said, "It's hard to say goodbye to Sean because I let him in and I loved him. I just feel a little heavy in my heart." Well, it is enlarged.

"Let him in." Sure, it could mean she opened herself up emotionally to him and allowed him into her ever-expanding ventricular muscle. We know she loves a good metaphor. But maybe this time it was more literal and was her circumspect way of saying they did the nasty. Who knows?

"It's the ultimate reject," she said, no doubt feeling abandoned once again. "I thought Sean was the one." And I felt for her. I hope she's fine.

Which leads us to next week. We'll get to hear how she's doing on the Women Tell All episode. It has all the makings to be one of the best ever. Not only will we hear from AshLee, but there's Tierrable, Desiree, Lesley, Kacie and probably others I've forgotten.

And in two weeks, the finale. They're teasing us with a shot of him receiving a long letter at the altar. Any guesses on who it's from? Could it be a Dear Sean letter from one of the remaining two getting cold feet? Doubtful. It might very well be from AshLee, giving him a stern talking to. Or maybe Des, who's reminding him of the horrible mistake he made. Maybe Tierrable is writing to tell him she knows where he lives and to watch his back. Or it could be from Kacie, who wants a third opportunity to come back to the show. What are you predictions? (No spoilers please.)