Bachelor Canada: The Women Tell as Much as the Editors Will Let Them

I just couldn't do it. Despite my good intentions of getting this one in on time, I find myself here on game day scrambling to finish last week's recap. And start it, for that matter.

That was, without doubt, the worst ever Women Tell All episode in the history of the franchise. Not just the Canadian version, either. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it was the worst ever hour of television, period. Not because of the women, either. It just looked as if they farmed the editing, writing and lighting out to a community college first year television production course. It truly was embarrassing. I doubt there were two sentences in a row that actually were spoken together. Then there were the cringeworthy words like, "A look back at the journey, the emotional highs and the excrutiating lows." Of all the excrutiating lows, this was the excrutiatingest. And didn't you just love the shots of the silhouettes in the audience?

Anyway, let's get to the programming, such as it was. We were greeted with a tall guy who presumably is the host of the show. I mean, he looked vaguely familiar. I think I remember him from episode 1. He's just here to bookend the season, it looks like.

Tyler (the host) got right to business focussing on what we all wanted to hear about: Sonia. Remember her? The 42-year-old who lasted a couple of episodes? Coming back to you? The show was crammed into one hour. Clearly they edited out tons. Why not just edit out this whole segment and concentrate on people who lasted a little longer and provided some drama?

Then they flipped over to the youngest pup, Rileigh, 23. Tyler mentioned that she seemed jealous. Honestly, that's something I never picked up. I mean, certainly no more than many of the others. But with each episode being only one hour, there was so much they didn't show us. The one saving grace of this episode was that we got to see footage that didn't make it to air the first time through. But nothing, other than Tyler's words, that showed Rileigh to be particularly jealous. But she admitted it, in a delightfully Canadian-sounding way (even though I've never heard anyone else say it that way here): "Oh, that's fair to say. Yeah, I was right jealous. Yeah, I was pissed." Right jealous. Got that?

Kaylynn revealed that her emotions took her by surprise because in real life, "I'm not like that. Like, I don't cry." Uh-huh. Rileigh, the delight, snarled her lip and made a growling sound, saying, "I don't know how to put that into words but that's how I felt about it." Kaylynn laughed and said, "That's her own opinion." And, it should be added, everyone else's.

Tyler read some more of that award-winning writing when introducing Kaylynn, with, "...bringing her dreams to a heart-wrenching end." Kaylynn said the whole thing was "quite embarrassing." But she cautioned us to not "judge someone when you don't really know them." Fair enough. Point taken.

She and Martha talked about their run-in when Kaylynn called her a bully. But they also revealed they "hugged it out." Of course, we never got to see that part.

Then we got a montage on April Burlesque. For no reason at all! Why? The show was too short for her Jennifer Tilly shtick. But I guess they needed some comic relief. We saw a clip of her that didn't make it in originally. She said, "I do want a family. If I don't have my own children, I'll just do as I did with my boobs – buy 'em!"

Then we got the Natalie montage. Sitting with Tyler, she said she returned just to "stir the pot a bit, cause a little bit of drama. I knew for sure Tim was not into me but I came back to stir the pot." This was met with gasps and laughter. All the women were against her. At least, that was the impression from the wonky editing. She said she was "always 100 percent myself, but I wanted to be my best self. So I didn't want to swear, I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize my profession." Good for her. Lisa thought (maybe correctly) that it wasn't really her, then. But we all don't go around swearing and bashing people in all situations. All the women thought Natalie was selfish for returning and infringing on the others' very real relationships with Tim. No, they really said that!

Next was the Lisa montage. Again, we got to see some footage we hadn't seen before. Of note was when she said of Seashell, "She just doesn't have a lot going on in her brain." When asked to respond, Seashell said, "Actually, I probably don't have anything to say because I have nothing up here, right?" Boom! Oh, yes she did!

Seashell called Lisa out on her two-facedness, noting that Lisa says she hates fake people yet showed hate for Natalie when she wasn't around but was the first to hug her and say nice things to her face. Natalie, too, wanted to know why she said everything behind her back and not to her face. Lisa made a face and said, "Oof, that would have been really awful saying that to your face!"

Then she pled drunk. "You know, I don't want to blame that one on the liquor, but I'm going to go ahead and blame that one on the liquor." She may or may not have been drunk right then. Seashell was having none of it, noting that they all were drinking but no one else treated anyone else that way. Lisa then pled human: "I'm human. Yeah, I can be nasty. Yeah, I can say some really mean things. And you know what? Seeing it is the best way to change it so I'm sorry--" And then there was a quick fade in the middle of her sentence to give the appearance she was finished. Did I mention the brutal and comical editing?

As for her kissing experience in a bar in Italy, it was the liquor again. She didn't know exactly what happened. But when Tyler asked if she regretted it, there were no pithy answers. She replied straight up: "Yes, I do regret it." Tyler asked everyone if that sufficed. They all shook their heads no. Then Tylyer said, "Lisa, thank you so much for being here." Um, what? Hang on! This calls for more discussion. And we went to commercial. They could have scrapped the segments on Sonia, Rileigh and April Burlesque.

Next was Seashell's turn. Nothing to see here. Move along. She's okay and she's happy. Tim joined her and told her she's going to make someone happy. The edited in the audience clapping and an ecstatic-looking Seashell.

While Tim was out there, Lisa apologized for "disrespecting him" in Italy and said she was sorry. Tim said he didn't say goodbye to her "because she kissed someone; I said goodbye because those events led me to not being able to trust her." What events? That kissing event? So the kissing was fine? I don't get it. If she had told him she was going to go out and make out with a waiter, he would have been okay with that?

He had interactions with Dom and Kaylynn but nothing to speak of. I did notice they edited in more applause for Kaylynn.

The blooper reel was meh. We saw Kaylynn crying on the auto-flush toilet, heard Tim say "enormous" a bunch of times, smelled Trish farting, and witnessed Seashell's independent eyeballs.

Then we were told about the "epic two-part finale." What's that now??? Two parts? Will it be the "fun-loving Trish or the mysterious April?" Judging from the upcoming highlights, it might be Trish because it seemed as if April was having a meltdown and wanted to go home. But we'll see.

I'll be back here... soon? Soonish? When I get around to it? Yeah, that's more like it.

Bachelor Canada: Get your ya-yas out

I just thought of the biggest downside to me posting these recaps six days post facto: It might give some the impression that I've been crafting this all week. Not so at all. It's still the same poorly constructed, typo-filled mess. I watched the episode last night, scribbled some notes, and now I'll pump this out before I have to go out before noon. So let's not waste any more time.

It was hometown visits week. Tim called last week "one of the most intense weeks of my life." He's either lived a very charmed life or lots gets lost in the editing.

The first visit was to Edmonton, where Trish was waiting for Tim in an Oilers jersey outside a hockey arena. She had a Leafs jersey to give to him when he arrived. Trish thought maybe they could play a little one-on-one with the winner getting a kiss. I love how she thinks of kisses as something one performs on another, rather than a mutually beneficial experience.

Turns out Tim is quite the skater. He looks pro level to me. Then again, I can't skate. But anytime I see someone skating backwards, I just assume they're professional. He even went further with it by kissing her while skating backwards.

Trish admitted to us that's she's in love with him. She's just nervous to tell him, but just "a hairline away" from telling him. She hemmed and hawed at the arena: "Since I've been on this... I don't even know what to call it. I guess like a journey." Wow, did she just coin that analogy? A journey? Let me jot that one down. (Obviously she's never seen the show before. Or read the handbook of acceptable Bachelor words and phrases.)

Trish's family's approval is important to her so she hopes he likes oddballs. She introduced Tim to her parents, grandparents, and some others I forgot to note. See how I used "wow" in the previous paragraph? That was to get you warmed up to the word. The producers put together a nice little wow-montage. It seemed to be her family's favourite word. Tim said, "They might be quirky or whatnot" but they make him feel like one of the family. Wow.

Trish talked to her mom in the kitchen, who was a good foot shorter than Trish. Does that count as one of the quirks? Don't think so. Just an observation.

Outside the house, Trish waggled her tongue in thought then managed to say, "I am falling for you." Usually in these situations, the Bachelor stays mum and smiles and kisses the person who just opened their heart for him. In this case, Time replied, "I fell for you a long time ago." Telling? Then they grab each other's heads and engage in tongue-to-tongue combat. No one peeked out the window.

Next was Seashell's turn. We saw her standing outside an airport in Toronto. The fog precluded her from going to her hometown of Sudbury. Or maybe it was just the smog from Sudbury. She broke the news to Tim, saying they might be able to make it for dinner. "The whole date is ruined now," she moped. Not quite. Tim promised to show her Tim's Toronto.

So off they went. He told her all about the city on their drive in. As a westerner who's never been there, I always assumed every place in Ontario was basically Toronto. And if you're not actually from the place, you'd certainly been many times.

They went for coffee and sat watching children toddle by. Seashell said she wanted a boy first. If she doesn't get her wish, I'm sure her firstborn daughter will appreciate watching this footage of her mom. Tim told her he wanted two kids at least. She thinks he's "full husband material."

After one coffee, they had a flight to catch. Couldn't they have had their coffee at the airport? I'm sure more happened to fill the time. Could it have been more boring than watching them drink coffee? Why didn't we see it?

They arrive in Sudbury. Thank God the show wasn't filmed in Smell-o-vision! (Actually, I hear the sulphur dioxide emissions in this mining town have reduced considerably over the years, but I still like to think of it as smelly.)

She brings Tim home to meet her family, including her intense brother, who informs Tim that he watched an interview with him "about ten times." Oh, and he typically doesn't like the guys Seashell dates. He tells Tim that Seashell is "the grounded one" in the family, and "the angel." Tim can feel the bro staring at him.

Her dad rescues Tim but not for long. Bro shows up to play "bad cop" to dad's "good cop." Then there was a weird edit. He talked about her past boyfriends saying he's "been tempted to maybe drop one into a couple of them." Meaning hit them. But then they edited him to maybe suggest he was talking about dropping one (?) into Tim. (Is that a Sudbury phrase, by the way?) The guy looked like he was in the witness protection program with a wig and fake beard. He talked about "sizing him up" and realizing he could take him and "holding a punch back" but wanting to hear what the guy had to say first. I'm pretty certain he was talking about his past experience with one of Seashell's suitors, but it wasn't presented as such.

He told Tim that an engagement means marriage and to let Seashell go if he's not 100% sure instead of dragging her through heartbreak. Ending with this pseudo-threat: "Don't hurt my sis, you know? That's my girl." Then he told the cameras, with a smile indicating to me he was fooling around or giving the producers what they asked for, "I do feel like he really likes her so I decided not to hit him."

Outside, Tim gave Seashell a hug. A hug! That was telling. I think he was afraid to kiss her in case the brother was looking on. But that hug eventually turned into a kiss. A little subdued kiss, but still a kiss. He described her as "that forever kind of girl."

Next up was April's hometown, a place I'd never heard of: Wasaga Beach, Ontario. And the beach looked beautiful. And empty. Google tells me it's the longest beach in the world. I guess the name Longbeach was already taken.

April said she could see herself marrying Tim but she's struggling with opening up to him. Tim said April's "still kind of a mystery." He needs to know if she trusts him.

They sit down at the beach and she gives Tim a history lesson to show him where the wall around her stems from. She tells him her parents were "partiers" and that her father died of partying, i.e. drug overdose, when she was 8. She has no relationship with her mother. She was raised by her grandparents.

Tim said he understands her now and that wall is "not so daunting." He feels closer than ever before.

They go to a restaurant her grandparents used to own where Tim meets the whole family. Which brings me to a personal pet peeve. Indulge me. I know I may be completely wrong. She said Tim was going to meet "my Ya-ya and my Opa." I get calling one's grandparents weird names. I'm too embarrassed to even mention what we called our grandparents. The point is, though, that it's correct to say, "This is my grandmother" but not "This is my Ya-ya." She calls her "Yaya" so it's like a name. Just like you would say, "This is my brother" but not "This is my Dean."

There. Glad I could finally get that off my chest.

The grandmother spoke with an indeterminate accent. I'm guessing Greek. The grandfather didn't speak. As we saw in upcoming highlights last week, the grandmother was a tough nut. The 89-year-old told Tim over the dinner table, "You are very muscular. You like to do gym and outdoors. I can see through you."

Dum-dum-DUM! Tim mopped the sweat from his brow and we went to commercial.

My first thought was it was a language issue. Or maybe confusion. But they really wanted us to believe she was going to give Tim a piece of her mind. Not the case at all, as we saw immediately when we got back from the break. She continued, "I'm very impressed. You are a very wonderful young man and you have lots of qualities inside you. You have quality things in your heart." What a hard-ass!

She told the cameras, "Somehow I think I know him for a long time. I have a connection with his heart and my heart."

Then she flirted with him, asking if his mother ever said, "Ich liebe dich" to him. Is Tim German? I guess so. And I guess Opa is, too, because Ya-Ya said he told her what it meant. I knew what it meant, but Tim didn't. It means I love you. April, standing next to them, said playfully, "You love him before I said it!"

Seeing her family warm up to Tim made her feel more connected to him, too. And it showed outside. She told him she's falling for him. And she really took control in the kissing department. Tim told us his heart is melting and added, "In that moment, I'm falling for her so hard." Ah, those three little words. No, not "falling for her." What was up with "in that moment"? Is that telling, too?

Finally, Calgary, where Lisa awaited with too much make-up and bad girl leather pants on. Maybe she figured it worked for Olivia Newton-John in Grease, so it might work for her.

Tim said he was having "serious reservations" about her and was losing sleep over it. They took a walk in the park and he sat her down and said, "Will you tell me what happened last week?" I replayed her reply several times but couldn't figure out what she said. It sounded like she repeated the question to him. But maybe she said she did tell him already.

He told her he could totally see himself falling for her. "We could travel, I could maybe convince you to move to Toronto." Lisa looked at hopeful but as soon as she said, "And?" I think she realized what was coming. Or maybe she heard the sad music they were playing in the background.

He continued: "I could totally see myself doing that with you. I just don't know if I'd feel right taking it any farther. I don't think I could meet your parents in good faith."

So to recap: Tim chose Lisa last week over Kaylynn, got her to get her family together in anticipation of meeting him, then ended it almost as soon as he saw her. Nice.

Lisa wasn't totally shocked. She's cool as a cuke. She said, "I don't know what to say," with a trace of a smile. Some might call it a smirk. Tim said sorry and she chuckled. As he walked away in the park, she turned to the camera and said with faux something (I can't quite put my finger on it), "I knew it!"

In the limo, she said he "listened too much to the other girls, who are my competitors at this point." She said they were just waiting for something to come at her with. It's a good thing Lisa gave them that very thing. It's a good thing she kissed that waiter.

Tim said he didn't trust her. Her exit interview was short and to the point: "I'm done." With her trademark smile/smirk.

In Vancouver for the rose ceremony, would all three move on since Lisa was gone? One would assume. But Tim said there were two women he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. Two! I had no clue which two it would be at first, but I nailed it before he started handing out roses.

April showed up with a wowza dress cut down to here showing off her ya-yas. Trish showed up wearing Elton John's shoes. Seashell showed up.

Not only didn't she stand out, I also figured her brother scared Tim off. And when we heard her say she'd be "devastated" if she wasn't picked, that sealed it.

The three noticed the two roses. Then they noticed Lisa wasn't there. Tim told them there were only two roses because he "learned a lot in hometowns." He said there were some connections that are stronger than others and said he didn't want to lead anyone on (i.e. didn't want to get whacked by someone's brother). In truth, it was probably because the show's budget didn't allow for an extra rose. And the network wanted this off the air as soon as possible.

The roses went in order to:

1. April
2. Trish

And, as predicted, Seashell would be going back to Sudbury. She put on a brave face in the lineup. Tim told her he meant everything he said, calling her "so caring" and "so beautiful." She melted in his chest and cried. I hope she got snot on his tie.

She said, "I did not expect that." She was beginning to imagine her life with him. "Now I'm back at square one. That's the hardest part." If only there were such a thing as Bachelorette Canada, I'd be rooting for her to be the star.

Next week Tim, Trish and April are off to Tahiti. No, scratch that. Next week is the Women Tell All episode. Finally the host returns to earn his money. Scratch that again: next week is tomorrow!

Don't expect this to be late every week. I mean, it very well may be. But I may surprise you all and get this up the next day. Don't hold your breath, but it's a possibility.

Bachelor Canada: A real she-said/she-said

I think I've stumbled upon a new tradition: Posting recaps six days after an episode airs. Look, if I post immediately that night or the following morning, it's too fresh in your minds. You know what happened. If I wait until the night before the next episode airs, it's like a little refresher that'll get you ready for the following night's entertainment... That's what I'm telling myself anyway as I find myself super late again. But I think there's merit to it.

Oh, and thanks for the comments last week. Glad to know I'm not alone here.

Tim, Seashell, Lisa the Red, Trish, Kaylynn, and April were in Tuscany this week. Pretty exotic locale. I was wondering how the low budget Canadian offshoot could afford such extravagance until I saw the Buitoni brand splashed about in every segment. They were staying at "the amazing Casa Buitoni where master chefs come to create food," they made Buitoni pizza wearing Buitoni aprons and Buitoni chef hats under awnings announcing Buitoni and we saw ads for Buitoni frozen pizza in between segments. Oh Canada! Oh brother.

Seashell starts out telling us she's falling in love with Tim. Which led to the date card that went, predictably, to Not Seashell. She was upset with a sunken heart when she found out Trish would get the sparkly date. Trish was like, "Are you--? What? No. Huh? Me? Yeah!"

But Seashell didn't have bad words for Trish. She saved those for Lisa. And for some strange reason, after weeks of the Canadian censors letting the word "shit" fly out of their mouths, this week the word was bleeped. Seashell said, "Lisa's not one of the genuine catches for Tim. She's two-faced, she's not taking this seriously, and she has talked [bleep] about every single one of the women."

Out on the patio, naive April asked, "Does anyone question anyone else's connection with Tim at this point?" It wasn't a pointed question, either. She's that sweet and innocent.

But Seashell raised her hand like she was in school, not amongst four friends. She offered that some people are not here for the right reasons. Hey, someone has to say it every season so it might as well be her. Lisa knew who she was referring to.

"I really don't care what they think," Lisa the Red said. "These girls mean nothing to me."

On the date, Trish commented positively on the graffiti. Yes, they were in Italy walking through gorgeous streets and she liked the graffiti.

While the Canadian censors were busy bleeping the word "shit," they missed out on pixilating Tim's nether regions. He was wearing the tightest pants imaginable. We know now which way he dresses (to the right). Those with a hi-def TV might even know if he's circumsized. Good lord!

They sit at a corner table on a piazza. Tim said it was the "perfect place to fall in love." I thought that was perhaps telling. I could see Trish saying that but for Tim to have said it means something more, I'd imagine.

He likes how silly he can be with Trish, a side of him not a lot of people bring out. They kiss and laugh and have a good time. But the whole thing seemed backwards. I mean, first Tim telling us, instead of Trish, that it's the perfect place to fall in love, and then Trish told Tim, instead of the other way around, that she felt he's "holding back a little." What's happening here? Who holds the cards?

Tim explained that he's concerned of "letting go and then being rejected." It's a topsy-turvy world! Trish was surprised (pleasantly) at his lack of confidence.

He then gave Trish a little present because she makes him feel special. It was a box from Michael Hill jewelry (free advertising for product because it makes the company feel special). That's right, Tim gave Trish a diamond necklace and diamond earrings. She's not even in the final two! But I guess the sponsor wanted its name out there sooner rather than later.

Trish imagined in her "imaginary mind" a perfect date would include diamonds ("totally"), Italy ("boom"), champagne ("totes"), and a hot guy (Tim "nailed it"). I think she's being hard on herself. I believe she really has a mind. Not a particularly sharp one, apparently, but a real one.

She whispers, "Best date ever" and they slow dance to an accordion player in a plaza. Trish said, "We fit perfectly." Well, I suppose she'll find out for sure in the fantasy suite. But that's for another episode.

The next date card was for Kaylynn, April and Lisa. You can imagine in your imaginary minds how thrilled Kaylynn was. "Gargh! That sucks!" she enthused.

Seashell added that Lisa's "a nasty [bleep]". What is happening with the censors this week? Since when is "bitch" bleeped out anywhere, let alone on Canadian airwaves?

Lisa called the others, "catty" and "unsure of themselves." Then the Calgary hairstylist said, "They're the epitome of why I don't like females. Simple." I'm sure her clientele will appreciate that.

Before the group date could happen, Seashell informed us that "something happened" the previous night. "The girls and I went out to a bar and..." Hang on. Wait a minute. Is this usual? They went out to a bar? How much down time do they have? I guess the producers said go for it since the show only gets an hour of airtime a week. There's no time to shoot fun stuff around the residence because it wouldn't get shown anyway. So off they went to a local watering hole. I'll let Seashell continue: "... and Lisa did something that was completely unacceptable." Sounded like a set-up to me.

The next night there was silence amongst the womenfolk as they sipped on wine. Kaylynn said, "Nobody knows what to ask or how to address the situation." What happened to her go-to move of crying and running to the bathroom? That's one way.

Trish gave us the dirt: "Lisa made out with a guy at a pub." Now we're cooking with gasoline! The show just got good.

Kaylynn was upset. With her usual tears, she said, "I feel disrespected but I'm more angry than anything." Um, what? I was like, are you--? What? No. Huh? Her? I suppose.

Lisa was an open book. She told the gals that, "You can talk about it if you want. Go for it." Then Seashell said how most of them wanted to tell Tim but wouldn't, to which Lisa chuckled, which riled Seashell. "Don't laugh because I actually wasn't going to tell him." Lisa said, "Even if you were, I want to get to it first." Seashell was curious to see if Lisa would own up to it, adding, "If she doesn't tell him, one of us will."

But first the group date with Lisa, Kaylynn and April (Seashell declared that April was the "only normal one on that date"). It was a painting challenge. The three women would paint a betowelled Tim, then he would declare a winner. And that winner would get to spend the rest of the date with Tim while the others would go home. All three paintings were horrendous. Not an ounce of talent among the three of the women. Kaylynn felt, as she always does, that if she doesn't get alone time this time, she could seriously go home. "And that's scary."

But Tim selected Lisa's offering. Which was good, right, since she had to make her confession. Seems the others forgot about that.

The two went to a rooftop table which led to this classic exchange:

Lisa: I fidget when I'm nervous.
Tim: Why are you nervous?
Lisa: I'm not even that nervous. I just like to fidget.

But Lisa was "sick about it." At the same time, it "secured the way [she] feels for Tim." So she tells him, "As wild as I am and as much of a free spirit as I am, at the end of the day, it's important to me that I have that one person that I love to death and care about and can build a world with." But just at the end of the day. At the end of the night she likes to fool around with waiters.

We saw a side of Lisa we hadn't seen before. And not just when she was confessing to Tim. It was there when she was doing her private talks to the camera, too. "I didn't come into this thinking I'd find love because what are the chances?" Good take. "But it turned very quickly – quicker than I thought it would." She said, "I really care about this guy. I think he needs to know what happened. I can't go on unless he knows." And she actually cried. She's human!

So they're walking along after their dinner and she gets him to sit himself down on a nearby bench so she can break the news to him. According to her, she exchanged the Euro-two-cheek kiss with the server who then grabbed her and kissed her. "I'm really sorry," she told him. "I'm totally crazy about you. I needed to get that out."

If that was the extent of it, I don't see the need for tears or grand apologies. The server grabbed her and kissed her. Doesn't sound consensual. So Tim was empathetic. "It's just a shock," he said. And he hugged her for support. We didn't hear but thankfully closed captioning provided in part by Buitoni Pizza let us know she said, "I'm sorry" in their embrace.

Doesn't quite add up, but I wasn't there.

Then Tim said the next day that as much as he wanted to talk about it with Lisa, he had a date with Seashell to get ready for. What about last night? Why didn't he talk about it then?

His date was the pizza-making one I alluded to above. Did I mention it was Buitoni pizza? I think I did. Seashell wasn't fully in the moment. It looked like the Lisa sitchy-ation was weighing heavily on her. She said, "I think he thinks he knows everything, but I know that he doesn't know everything."

She told him that things were getting weird and the women, or some of them, are no longer amicable. She gave dire, vague warnings about someone he doesn't completely know. And she said this with a straight face: "I didn't want to bring it up today." Are you kidding?! That's all she wanted to do.

Tim looked annoyed, saying, "Who are you talking about?" Seashell remained coy, saying, "Well, Tim, you know who I'm talking about."

According to Seashell, Lisa grabbed "some guy" and made out with him while Seashell pulled her away. Then Seashell turned around for two seconds and there was Lisa making out with him again. Tim, after hearing Lisa's side the night before, looked skeptical, not alarmed. He said he doesn't like gossip or rumours but at the same time, he didn't want to avoid the truth. "I've never felt so conflicted about someone," he said. "This is really tough." But I didn't know if he was talking about Lisa or Seashell, the one spreading the gossip. It was a real she-said/she-said.

It seemed to knock his concentration because for the first time since the first episode, I noticed a string of 'aboots': "I'm aboot to make decisions aboot whose family to go and meet and instead of feeling excited aboot meeting them, I'm feeling distraught. I'm aboot to walk into a rose ceremony and I have no idea what I'm going to do."

At the ceremony, he told them he wants to go with his guy because he's looking for the one and nothing else. Kaylynn looked ready to cry. But that's just her default look. The roses went in order to:

1. Trish the Bejewelled
2. Seashell the Rat
3. April the Naive, who said, "Me?!" when he announced her name

He picked up the fourth and final rose, then placed it back down again. Not sure if he was confused because there was no host there to instruct him what to do. But he called Lisa away to for a little talk. Kaylynn looked around for a bathroom to run to. She was crying.

Tim said, "Can you just say something to me right now?" Lisa told him, "I am sick about what happened. I am absolutely crazy about you. I understand if this is it for us but I don't want this to be the end. I think we actually have something special." Then she whispered, "I'm sorry." All this was done with her hands behind her back. I couldn't tell if her fingers were crossed or not.

They walked back out and Tim picked up the last rose:

      4. Lisa the Red Flag

Kaylynn surprisingly held up pretty well. And without being told to take a moment to say her goodbyes, they did it instinctively. They're smart, those ones. April told Kaylynn, "You have a path and it's not here. Don't worry." Was that a nice thing to say? I think that was the intention, anyway.

Kaylynn gave Tim a big hug and walked away. He didn't even walk her to wherever it was she was going. She said she feels anger, sadness, and cheated. Then she brought up bullies again: "One thing he said his biggest turnoff is bullies, unnecessary meanness and that right there is Lisa. I feel broken by this."

We'll see how the Lisa situation plays out on the hometown visits next week. Er, I mean tomorrow night. Looking forward to it. We saw someone's grandma telling Tim she can see right through him. That means she could probably see the hideous tattoo on his back. Grandmas hate tattoos.