Bachelor Ben: Don't cry for the next Bachelorette – Celebrate!

Welcome to beautiful Jamaica. Ben says to take a deep breath. Now hold. Now exhale slowly. Isn't that how they do it in Jamaica? Ganja, man.

We're watching Caila highlights. I don't remember her hula dancing. I think I'd remember that. And I don't remember her halfcourt mini-hoop shot. That girl is perfect.

Then there is Lauren. Ben looks at her with "googly eyes." But there are questions, he says.

And finally JoJo. He feels very confident around her. Except when her brothers are nearby. Then he's confused.

Three beauties. He says he's in love with two of them. Which two, I wonder? I gotta believe JoJo is on the outs just because of her family, but it could be Caila. I think Lauren is a lock. And I've never been wrong, except when it counts.

We see a person walking, the camera panning in from the feet up. At first I thought it was Caila. Turns out it was Ben. He's got some lovely gams. But here comes Caila, looking even more gorgeously cute. She's in a MaryAnn number and they go rafting down the river. Hope it's not a 3-hour cruise.

Cue the eerie music. There's no talking. Caila is feeling anxious. Doesn't matter now. If she isn't chosen, she's in a great position to be chosen the next Bachelorette, and I'd like to see that even more. A whole season of Caila-centric television? That's must-see TV. It would make me not dread the next season like I usually do.

Ben describes her as quiet, reserved and melancholy. He thinks she has something on her mind. They stop at a Jerk Centre. Make up your own joke.

Ben wants a woman who will talk about her emotions. Be careful what you wish for, my man.

She's digging her own date grave. But maybe this is her plan. She knows she'd be a great Bachelorette. Maybe she's sabotaging her chances on purpose.

Oh right, it's also Fantasy Suite night. Ben says "there could be" a fantasy suite. Come on. Caila decides not to be reserved tonight. Now is the moment for her to tell him she loves him. And thereby get her chance to prove it in the FS.

She's back to being bubbly and open. She says "part of me has wanted to tell you something for a long time." Ben looks sick to his stomach. But she says she's in love with him and they kiss. Heavy tongue action. He says nothing. She can tell he feels the same from his... breath? Yeah, that's what she said.

Who was that adorable contestant on a couple seasons? The one I couldn't stop writing about? She was a baton twirler. Can't think of her name, but Caila is on that level of adorableness. I know one of my regular readers will remind me of her name. I keep thinking Emily but that feels wrong. Hang on, I've got to Google it... Kacie! ... Yes, sweet Kacie! How quick we forget. I see she's married now. She could do much better.

Anyway, Caila accepts (or rather "takes advantage of" the fantasy suite). I don't want to think about that. She wakes up looking beautiful as always, Ben says. But he looks fresh, too. These two are two perfect together. They sit on the balcony holding hands and Caila says, "I love you." She feels giddy and confident. Hope she doesn't start thinking about the other two overnights.

Lauren is next. She, too, hasn't told Ben she loves him. She's wearing short shorts, jean cutoffs and a halter... sweater? They take off on a small motorboat. Ben feels she has a genuine joy and authenticity. They're greeted at Gibraltar Beach by a white man on Jamaica. Right on the heels of the Oscars, yet. Good Lord.

He leads them to a bucket of baby sea turtles that were birthed in the sand. It's Lauren's dream. Lauren mentions that they can live hundreds of years and she says she hopes her relationship with Ben can last that long. I think she was being hyperbolic.

They sit on the beach and Ben says she's too good for him. She feels the same way, only in reverse. They seal it with a kiss. But she's scared because she needs to tell him she loves him. They hug and kiss in the ocean. I'm glad Ben's horrid side midsection tattoo hasn't gotten much screen time or else I'd probably hate him. Just caught a glimpse of it and I threw up a little.

At night, Ben and Lauren head to Miss T's for a little live reggae music. But only a bit. Nobody should be subjected to reggae for too long.

They find a secluded table and sit down to talk. Lauren seems stilted. She says she's freaking out; doesn't know if she can tell him. She's not one to make herself vulnerable. I think she'll come through. Oh look, here's the invitation from Chris Harrison. She accepts, but still stilted. Hopefully their pillow talk is a little more relaxed. It's all or nothing for her, she says.

With the cameras still there, she screws up the courage to tell him she's completely in love with him. He's the man of her dreams. Why didn't she wait until they were alone? I wonder if the producers pressured her. Then they kiss and giggle and she says, "Ben, I love you." And he says, "I love you, too." There you go. Told you she was a lock. Then we hear him tell her again. Is this unprecedented? I thought they weren't supposed to reveal their feelings.

I can't see anyone else being the next Bachelorette out of these three except Caila. So it's good he's so in love with Lauren.

Ben even brings her breakfast in bed. They agree on no holding back going forward. SWAK. She doesn't look as fresh and beautiful in the morning, but Ben tells her YET AGAIN that he loves her, and that last night just cemented it. Man, I think they've also cemented the record for the word "love" in one segment. Enough already.

Ben says his heart is with Lauren but here comes JoJo. He says if he doesn't know at the end of the date that he loves JoJo, he's going to send her packing.

It's a chopper date. They land near a spectacular waterfall. They go swimming. Holy cow, that's some bikini on JoJo. He might just find the love he's looking for. At least enough for the Fantasy Suite. Unfortunately, it means more screen time for Ben's despicable mid-torso side tattoo.

She tells Ben she loves him, but not in a heartfelt way. What the... Ben tells JoJo he loves her, too! You know what that means? It means Caila is the new Bachelorette! Hurray!!! I mean, lucky JoJo. I guess.

Poor Caila, but it's for the best. The other two substandard ones can fight over that ridiculous tattoo.

Anyway, this is why the Bachelor doesn't usually reveal his emotions until he gets to the final one. Why bother telling two women you love them when it's only going to cause way more heartbreak with one of them.

Ben just took a fake sip of wine on a cheers. Is that like crossing your fingers behind your back?

Ben tells JoJo it doesn't scare him to tell her that he loves her. He should also add that what does scare him is that he also told someone else the same thing. Maybe the rule should be that the Bachelor has to say he loves all three final women.

They rehash the hometown visit. She says she looks up to her brothers more than anyone. That might make the decision between her and Lauren much easier for Ben. I can't help but think he's told her he loves her just to prove to her brothers that his feelings were sincere.

Not surprisingly, JoJo says she would love nothing more than to spend the night with Ben. So she does. He has the same morning routine with JoJo as he had with the others. JoJo also doesn't look as fresh and beautiful in the morning as Caila. But Ben says she's so cute. Meh. He must really love her.

He says his night with JoJo was one of the best nights of his life. Go figure. All his talk is of Lauren and JoJo. He says he just couldn't say he loved Caila. He can't "get there" with Caila. He thinks something is missing. His loss is America's gain.

Caila unsuspectingly goes to see Ben. All hopeful life. She can tell by the way he looked at her that he feels the same. Poor girl. She arrives all smiles and giddiness, finds him out back and rushes up to him. Ben sits there pretending to be unsuspecting with the camera on him. She leans over him and kisses him.

She wants to remind him that a relationship with her is going to exciting and fun and full of surprises. Funny you should mention that, Caila. Ben's got a big surprise for you.

Ben has to be honest with her. It's goodbye time. They sit down on some stairs and Ben starts in. Caila knows something is wrong. He's being coy. Says he's in love with two women but couldn't say it back to her. But she's picking up what he's saying. He says, "I'm going to miss you, Caila." She says, "You don't have to say that." She says she's just going to go, there's no reason to stay, but she accepts Ben's offer to walk her out. They hug at the vehicle and she says, "I really did love you." She gets in, sits for a moment, then hops back out to ask if he knew this week. She's not sure his answer will make him feel better, but she wants to take advantage of her time there to get some answers. He says he wouldn't have gone through this week if he knew. He tells her the others shared the same feelings with him.

She handles it like a champ. Like a future Bachelorette, in fact. Upset, to be sure, but saves the breakdown for the car. She says she was ready to be his wife, ready for it all. She feels like her purpose in life was to love other people and doesn't know why it hasn't happened yet. Hey kid, you're 24. You've got a full season ahead of you with 25 wonderful guys.

Ben says Caila's incredible and he hopes he didn't make a mistake. He did.

Rose ceremony time. A bit anticlimactic. JoJo and Lauren stand there waiting for a Caila that will never arrive. Ben arrives. He gives them the bad – they're not going to be the next Bachelorette.

The roses go in order to:

1. JoJo
2. Lauren

Here's hoping it was alphabetical. Out of these two, my money's on Lauren. When the three of them toast to love, Ben looks at Lauren, if that's any indication.

Ben says he's in a deep trouble. Yup. I'd say.

Next week is the Women Tell All episode. Thank God Caila got out in time so she can be included.

In two weeks, the finale. We see Ben taking out his phone and speaker calling someone. Did he send JoJo home and then regret it? Did he send Lauren home and then regret it? Or did he finally get some sense and regret sending Caila home? Hmm?! Or maybe he's calling Kacie!

Bachelor Ben: Home sweet hometowns

Why, hello there! What's new with you? Great to hear. Okay, enough small talk. It's showtime.

It's hometown visits week! I don't remember much, but I do seem to recall there'd be some drama in some of the homes. But isn't there always? Or, more accurately, there's always drama in the upcoming highlights and then it turns out to be nothing. Let's see how it plays out.

Oh right, there's the issue of Amanda's kids. And some brother telling Ben he's brainwashing the women. Yeah, it should be a good one. Okay, can we just get on with it? We don't need five minutes of upcoming highlights.

Only four women left: Amanda, Caila, JoJo and Lauren. First hometown is in Laguna Beach with Amanda. They meet on a sandy beach, running towards each other. I don't know how serious this relationship is because there was no running leg-wrap.

Sitting on the beach, Ben grills Amanda on what to expect from the kids. She tells him that they love to be chased. Just like their mom. And here they are now on the beach, brought by what must be their nanny. They're dressed like twins but they're not twins. They're not immediately warm to Ben, but he wins them over. Ben says the day feels so natural. Can't wait until it gets even more natural.

Here we go! The little one is bawling in the backseat on the drive home. I think this a first for wee ones on this show. Usually they're like show business kids, always happy and smiling. Amanda's folks wonder if Ben is ready to be an instant dad. But he passes the mom interview, although mom is withholding judgment until more information comes in. She tells Amanda she sees Ben with her... eventually. i.e. not now.

Dad tells Ben there's a big difference between thinking you want children in your life and actually having kids in your life. He tells him they have to come first, even ahead of going out with his buddies. Whatever, man.

Amanda now feels like she's in love with Ben. And what did I tell you about the highlights? Bogus! There was no screaming kids and frazzled Ben. Everything went well. So let's see how bogus the other highlights are.

Next up is Lauren in Portland. The flight attendant says she's already in love with Ben but hasn't told him yet. They walk around the City of Roses with nary a rose in sight. They hit the famous Portland food trucks. Then it's off to a "whiskey library" or "liberry" as Lauren pronounced it. (She really did!) They leave their whiskeys almost full to go meet her family.

Lauren is waiting for her family's approval before she tells Ben she loves him. Lauren's sister takes Ben away to flirt with him one-on-one. Ben tears up when he says he feels really lucky. I think it was a ruse to get sis to give him a hug. I see through this charade.

Lauren also tears up when talking about Ben. She says she feels like he's her person, that she was meant to meet Ben. Worked like a charm.

Ben tells her dad he's not coping well meeting all the other dads and families. I thought tears were going to go 3-for-3 but he came up short. But they come back when Lauren (Lolo) talks to her dad. 3-for-4 is not bad.

After all that, Lolo still doesn't feel it's time to tell him she loves him. He drives off.

Now we're in Hudson, Ohio, to meet Caila's family. Ben tells her "your town is absolutely beautiful." I guess he forgot that it's not really Caila's town. She's got no roots. Although she did go to high school there. I wonder if we'll hear the story of her 17 moves prior to this town. Her dad is CEO of a toy company. Maybe he's Santa Claus.

Caila's mom is a Filippina. Not sure how old she is but she's wearing braces. Makes her look even younger. She gives Ben a lesson on pinoy food. The dad asks Ben what it's like dealing with "microwave fame." A polite way of saying he's got 15 minutes.

Caila whispers through her tears to her dad saying, "Daddy, I know this is it." He reassures her that there is no rule book to love. But he's worried she might get crushed. She tells her mommy that she knows he's the one. Mommy suggests Caila run downstairs, jump on Ben and tell him she loves him. Must be the way they do it in the Philippines.

She has plans to tell him after they kiss. They have a good kiss, but she balks and just says "See ya."

Our final destination is Dallas, JoJo's hometown. JoJo comes home to a dozen roses and a letter from Ben. It's a two-pager, too. What's this all about? No, it's not from Ben. It's from JoJo's ex-boyfriend named Chad. Classic. She stops reading. Now she's upset. I wonder if the producers put the ex up to it. I love that she didn't recognize Chad's writing right away.

Then she calls Chad up. He tells her he's "literally gone through so much since [she's] been gone." He tells her he wants her for the future. Now he knows what love is, and she showed him what love is. She's incredulous. He's insistent, saying he doesn't want to lose her. Ben walks to the door.

Chad tells her he cares so much about JoJo and loves her so much, but she responds, "But you didn't while we were together."

Ben enters and is greeted with an emotional hug. He doesn't know what's happening. JoJo explains it to him. He feels very uncomfortable. He's been down this road before and it hasn't gone in his favour. But she tells him she's the happiest she's ever been, through tears. Things get resolved. They hug and kiss. Wonder what Chad thinks watching this.

They go off to meet her family and her two bros mug swarm her at the door. Everyone's happy. So far. JoJo describes her family as very loving and very protective. There's a lot of plastic surgery going on in the family so it's odd that dad is full-on male pattern baldness.

The bros grill Ben first. They want to know if their sister is going to get hurt or end up happy. Ben doesn't have a good answer for them. They want Ben to be as real as he can. They look suspicious but that could be the editing.

JoJo tells her mom she's falling in love with Ben. Mom tells her to go for it, and usually she's the one to tell her to hold back. Dad is a real warm dude, isn't he? He doesn't warm up any more when Ben says he doesn't want to make a ton of promises.

When JoJo tells the bros she's been on only two one-on-one dates, they sink further into the abyss. One of the bros says his read is that Ben isn't emotionally invested as she is. He tells Ben he's brainwashed the girls. The mom takes a swig out of a wine bottle. Things are going south in a hurry.

The bro suggests Ben has been coached on his answers. Proving that he's not been, Ben responds like a politician. The dad warmly says he appreciates Ben's answers. Where was JoJo in all this? Outside Ben fills her in on the drama.

On a side note, JoJo is wearing open-toed boots. That's what it looks like anyway.

Ben says it wasn't the hometown visit he would have liked. JoJo is scared of losing him. I think she will lose him. Rose ceremony next.

Back in Los Angeles. JoJo's low cut dress reveals that maybe she's not unfamiliar with the plastic surgeon, too. Amanda is wearing a short short skirt. So is Caila, but not quite as short. Lauren has the classiest look.

Now the roses:

1. Lauren
2. Caila (I wrote it before he announced it)
3. JoJo

Mommy Amanda goes home to her kids. I wonder if she'll take that as a repudiation of her girls. They sit together. She tells him not to be sorry. She says she wishes she had been told in her hometown instead of sending her back to LA just to send her home. Yeah, well, that's not how the game works, toots. We want our rose ceremony! She thanks him and says she'll miss him. No tears. Of course there'll be plenty at home once she gets there.

In the limo she says she's shocked and at a loss for words. Then proceeds to talk. She thinks he's amazing. Ben chokes up after the car has taken off, telling the camera that he'd like her to know he cares a lot. But he can't go on. He's getting verkempt.

Next week in Jamaica he apparently tells two women that he loves them, then says he's scared he's made a mistake. Ya think?! I'm guessing those two are Lauren and Caila. I think he only chose JoJo this week out of fear for his life. But who knows? Not I. I don't do spoilers.

Bachelor Ben: Blindsided!

The week before hometowns is upon us. But it's somebody's hometown: We're in Warsaw, Indiana, where Ben grew up and went to high school. It's a quaint town where the diner has a hi-tech sign written in chalk that reads, "No, we don't have wi-fi. Talk to each other!" So bossy.

Ben meets an actor couple playing his parents. They're much too young and good looking to realistically be the parents, but whatever. When describing each of the women still left, he avoids saying, "Becca is a virgin." How is that not the go-to description of her?

Ben meets the remaining half dozen on the lake. He pulls up in a boat of some kind. Odd looking thing. He takes them to a quaint house where they'll hunker down for a week.

The last remaining Lauren gets the first date. She's the flight attendant. I gotta remember that. I think I'm finally starting to figure out who everyone is.

Ben drives Lauren around in a red pickup truck. She's snuggled right up to him as he drives. I'm not sure she's wearing a seatbelt, but it's a small town. He shows her his high school, told him he played quarterback on the football team (of course he did), showed him his church, talked about his first kiss in Grade 7.

Final stop, Baker's Youth Club. Ben worked there for four years so he has special privileges that let him park on yellow lines. They walk into a gym full of kids shooting hoops (it's Indiana, recall). The club organizer gets a kid named Halfcourt Ronnie to take a half-court shot. If he makes it, Ben has to kiss Lauren. They gotta come up with better stakes. Halfcourt Ronnie, perhaps unsurprisingly, hits the shot.

The big moment comes when Paul George and George Hill of the Indiana Pacers walk in, pushing Ben and Lauren into the background. But Ben impresses Lauren with the way he interacts with the kids. She says he's going to make a great father. They kiss again, without anyone making a half-court shot first.

At night Lauren wants to bring up the charges brought against her last week by... I forget already. Oh right, Leah. Leah said Lauren wasn't the same around the house as she was around Ben. It all seems like such a researchable topic. Simply ask a few of the others. But Ben trusts her. This date brought things full circle, he says, whatever that means. But Lauren is relieved. Half-court shot!

They end up at Ben's local dive bar, as he calls it. They sit and drink with a bunch of other people. Who are these people? Friends of his? Strangers? We'll never know. Lauren tells the camera she's in love with Ben. She doesn't get a rose, though, only because there isn't one to give out.

The next date goes to JoJo. I haven't warmed to JoJo yet. Nor Emily, for that matter. Probably not Amanda either. That's half of them.

This date is in the Windy City. Chicago? Yes, Chicago. Ben is a huge Cubs fan so they go to Wrigley Field. Ben calls her Joj.

They don some jerseys and play ball. Ben pitches to Joj and she pops one slowly out of camera's eye. Ben says she "crushed" the ball, forgetting that everything was filmed and we witnessed it. They lie down in the outfield and talk, with their images up the big screen.

Ben says he's more himself around JoJo than he is around anyone else. Maybe she's his frontrunner. Not mine, certainly.

At night, a table for two is set up in the outfield. Ben tells us he's falling for her. Is that code? Joj seems less than sure. She tells him she's trying not to hold back. He says when she gets scared, she pulls back. It's clear this strategy is working for her. Or not. Now he tells her he questions to what extent her feelings are there.

She tells him, "I can confidently say that I care about you more than" (hard swallow) "anything." She tells him she's not afraid to fall anymore. She more Team Ben than she's ever been. Home-run! (Or at least first base.) Again, no rose, but no rose to give.

Caila, Amanda, and Becca are going on a group date. That means Emily the Twin gets a one-on-one. She breaks down in tears of happiness.

Come to think of it, Becca is also not on my frontrunner list. To me it's between Caila (1) and Lauren (2). I guess if I were going to put them in order, the rest would be (3) JoJo, (4) Amanda, (5) Becca and (6) Emily. But I digress.

More fun on the lake, this time in row boats. Becca and Amanda in one boat, and Caila and Ben in the other. It's a group date. That's hardly fair.

Then they fly some kites, and sit in a barn with a rose on the line. The rose turns the group date into a one-on-one. Whoever gets it gets to hang out the rest of the day with Ben with the other two going home. Again unfair.

I'm sure the editors are running Amanda's film audio speed faster. If not, she should audition for voice acting work in cartoons.

Becca's been stressed out and tells Ben. She's tightly wound, that one. If only there were some way she could loosen up...

She gives Ben permission to send her home. She whispers, "Just don't blindside me." My best bet: She gets blindsided.

Caila tells Ben she doesn't have deep roots. She moved about 17 times before college. Why is that? Will we ever find out or will this be like the Ugly Toes issue: only hinted at.

The rose is looming. He feels good about all three of them, he tells them. He gives it to Cartoon Amanda, which I guess is no surprise since we saw highlights of Ben frolicking with her daughters.

Becca and Caila sit and mope while Ben and Amanda take off in a limo. Finally Becca cries. She is human after all. She's frustrated and confused and wondering where they go from here. Blindsided, you might say.

Caila is also upset. She's hung up on this community thing, or lack thereof.

Did you know Warsaw is the Orthopedic capital? That's what the sign says. They must be proud.

Ben takes Amanda to McDonald's. Product placement at its worst. How romantic. They were told to order breakfast, I'm certain, since it's a new thing Ronnie Mac's is offering. But at the table, they're eating fries. That's not breakfast food! (Don't you think he should have taken Emily on this date?)

But that wasn't the extent of the romantic date. From fast food to a carnival. Ben says it feels right to be around Amanda, describing her as "funny." Now that's funny!

They do a bunch of rides that scare Ben. He makes a great point: "Fair rides scare me. They get set up in a day." Thanks, Ben. I'll never go on another fair ride.

Last date, this one with Emily. He's on that big, weird boat on the lake. This date is so special she took off her thumb wrap. Caila describes Emily as a "bright-eyed puppy. Everything is new and exciting, but the thing is she's got so much to learn still." Caila, for the record, is 24. But a wiser, more mature 24. Emily is a young 23.

Ben takes Twin 1 to meet his parents. Talking to people can be a difficult thing for her, she admits. She says she needs to not be nervous. And then we see her yammer nervously and nonstop to Ben's mom as mom sits smiling vacantly, especially when Emily admits to dreaming of being an NFL cheerleader. Then dad asks her what she likes doing and she's stumped for an answer. All she can think of is to say she loves sitting around watching movies all day long and doesn't like vegetables. I think she's totally ready... for Ben to adopt.

Mom naturally thinks Emily is too young for Ben. I also think mom is wondering about son's ability to find a life partner.

Mom gets teary with Ben without explicitly stating, "No! Don't choose Emily!" But Ben picks up what she's laying down. I wonder if she'll get sent home from the date. Meanwhile, Emily is oblivious. She's over the moon.

On the boat she says, "Where are we going? You're not taking me home, are you?" Um, yup. Smart move by Ben introducing her to his parents first. Everyone else will look great to them in comparison. He sits her down outside the house with the other girls inside watching and sends her home. She takes it relatively well. Actually really well. The girls inside are shocked, in that special schaudenfreude way. Emily does break down a bit inside telling the girls what happened, but she'll be fine. It would have been an awkward hometown date with her anyway, especially if Twin 2 is lurking.

There are five left. It's four for the hometown dates, right? Who will be leaving? Ben doesn't even seem to know. My guess is it's Blindsided Becca.

Ben tells Chris Harrison there's one person who isn't quite there yet. Caila seems to think it's her. I doubt it. He's not a complete idiot.

The rose ceremony is outside in public. No one is around, though. It would be cool to see passersby. Amanda has a rose already. The rest go to:

1. The one and only Lauren
2. Joj
3. Caila

Bam! Nailed it! They don't call me the Bachelor Blogger for nothing!

I gotta feel for Blindsided Becca. She whispers to Ben on the way out, "Why did you do that?" Now she's telling him, "I asked you yesterday not to blindside me." But does that mean he has to choose her? Any time he sends her home would have blindsided her. But she tells him she'd rather it be now than later if he was uncertain. So she took it well, too.

In the limo she speaks of her frustration. Sh asks herself why she keeps putting herself in this position. She doesn't want to be alone. I think she's going to have to put herself in a different position very soon.

Judging from next week's highlights, looks like we got some fun coming up. My one take-away is that JoJo's brother looks like Greg Brady. Not as much as Ben looks like Peter Brady, but close enough.