BP: Turncoats galore

Well, back home after a week away. That means tucking our son in upstairs, far away from the ugly glare of the Bachelor Pad. Thankfully there were no questions from him last week, but he’s probably ruminating about all he witnessed and one day it will come out. Hopefully not on the first day of grade one tomorrow.

Reader Sara wondered in comments section last week if there’d be a "Pad Tells All" type of show. Turns out there will be. And thank God for that. There are so many unanswered questions. Like is Gia single again? Are Elizabeth and Kovacs still a couple? Is the Weather Man out of the closet? Has Gwen had another facelift?

But that’s next week, when this will all be over. Let’s concentrate on this week, if anyone’s still watching (or reading). Here are my random thoughts for the week:

• Reader Sara also mentioned how the edit Elizabeth is getting is not doing her any favours, yet Kovacs, an otherwise sane guy, seems to have strong feelings for her. Ditto Krisily. She was fairly innocuous, wasn’t she? Yet the show starts off with Kovacs saying she’s the last annoying person to be voted off. The edits don’t jibe with what we hear from the competitors.
• Someone had to say it. I don’t remember who it was (one of the ‘in’ guys), but they said, “Don’t hate the players; hate the game.” Can’t we do both?
• When the group finds out there will be spin the bottle, Natalie seems upset, saying, “Are you kidding me?” Is she kidding us? We know she took a kick in the gut last week when everyone voted her a perennial bridesmaid, and she vowed to prove everyone wrong, but it was only a couple weeks ago she was ramming her tongue down everyone’s throat. Yes, even the Weather Man’s. And she said she’d make out with everyone in the house for 20 bucks.
• More weird editing. Kovacs says Elizabeth has a “screw loose” and is “unstable”, yet he chooses her as a partner and shows genuine affection for her (i.e. shtups her in the fantasy suite).
• Gwen, Nikki and Ashley were sent packing, which seemed unfair. I think everyone should have been told it was going to be a couples contest down the road. It would have been way more fun watching everyone try to hook up with someone and we could have watched as they became increasingly desperate. I mean, more desperate than they are.
  
• Bachelor Pad has had some lame contests, but God bless darling Melissa for trying her best to ramp up the excitement with her one sentence per episode. She told the gang, “You’re going to be playing catch...” (insert pregnant pause, and not just because she’s with child) “... with a water balloon!” Wow! A water balloon?! I’ve never heard of such a crazy game of catch, Melissa! That totally threw me for a loop. Man, I thought it was crazy that they’d be playing a game of catch, but throw in that kicker like you did and I was absolutely floored.
• Jesse, that classless halfwit, was all class when his partner Peyton blamed herself for losing the balloon toss. He proved himself to be a gentleman when it got right down to it. And a great teammate.
• God, I love Tenley. She is just so lovably dumb. She’s like a puppy. A really, really stupid puppy. The date card read, “Spend the night under the stars.” Everyone was guessing camping, but Tenley kept saying, without a hint of irony, “Oh my gosh, what if you’re going in a rocket?!”
• Kiptyn seems like a bright guy, doesn’t he? Yet he's with Tenley. That dumb routine (if you can call being really dumb a “routine”) could get old in a hurry in a dating situation out in the real world.
• Speaking of dumb, Natalie says that watching Dave drive the yellow Lamborghini convertible could be a glimpse into her future. This after David says that driving the car is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. (Psst, Natalie, the car’s not his!)
• Changing the contest into a couple’s contest made me think the franchise is desperate to find romantic success stories. They’re hoping one or more of these couples goes on to find real love in real life. I wouldn’t bet on it.
• Dave showed complexity by talking about the love he had for his father, the breakup of his parents, and the falling out he had with his dad. Touching stuff. But talking about his stubborn streak and throwing a chair through a wall should have been a big old red flag for Natalie. Instead she swooned.
• Finally, confirmation of sex in the fantasy suite. We’ve always known what goes on in there, but it’s never been said. Tonight Elizabeth whispered to Kovacs, “You got laid.” The icky part is that the lights were out and they were under the covers. Why is that icky? It just made me think that the cameras were rolling during the sex.
• Also, was this their first time in the six months they’ve been together? I doubt it, but they sort of made it seem that way. Also, Elizabeth uttered those three magic words every guy loves to hear: “I’m not pregnant.” No, wait. Not those. These: “I love you.” I’ve got three words for Kovacs, too: “Screw. Loose. Unbalanced.” Remember those.
• I didn’t like the deceit in the voting. Natalie was the ring leader in trying to get people to vote off Elizabeth and Kovacs because they’re the stronger couple, yet she voted off Peyton and Jesse. Woman code my ass. I think Jesse made a great point to Kiptyn. Next week it’s going to be Kiptyn, David and Kovacs. Since David and Kovacs have vowed to be the last two standing, that means they’ll vote him off. Maybe Kiptyn is the perfect match for Tenley afterall.

That’s it. Next week the big finale. And then Monday nights are mine again.