Week 9: Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust

That was quite the episode, wasn't it? If Mr. Brad actually possessed emotions, that would have been a real emotional roller coaster. Let's waste no time. On with the random thoughts:

* Mr. Brad said at least a couple of times he's terrified of ending up alone. Isn't that putting the cart before the horse? I've never understood that expression before but I think I do now. Shouldn't he just concentrate on getting to know someone, liking them a lot, wanting to hang out with them, and see where that leads? He likes all the women. It wouldn't be unreasonable to think he might not know yet if one is marriage material. There's too much pressure to make the final rose an engagement, methinks.

* Mr. Brad is sticking to script no matter what was revealed last week. He called almost-dentist Ashley "an accomplished, professional woman."

* Loved Chantal's reaction to Mr. Brad's announcement of their date: a safari in South Africa. She looked dumbstruck. And, really, why wouldn't she be? I mean, who would have guessed that a safari would be in the cards when they're staying at a game reserve in Africa?

* Also loved Chantal's take on giraffes. Mr. Brad said they were gorgeous creatures and Chantal said, "In a weird way. You know what I mean?" No, no I'm not sure I do, Chantal. Weird? I don't quite get what you're saying about those animals with the eight-foot long neck.

* I'm sure every precaution is taken but one of these seasons there's going to be a tragedy on this show. I'm not sure having a picnic out in the wilds of Africa is the smartest date in the world, even if you do have a guide with a shotgun standing by. And here's a PS in case you didn't know: The number one killer in Africa is the hippopotamus. It's true. Look it up. They thought the one lurking behind them was so cute and cuddly.

* So much to love about this season, not the least of which is Mr. Brad's stiffness: "I'm an extremely happy guy right now," the Tin Man told Chantal tight-lipped without a hint of smile or a twinkle in his eye.

* Speaking of bad ideas, sleeping outside in a treehouse on a game reserve? Not I, thank you very much. Not only would I be freaked out a lion would climb the stairs, but the bugs would be problematic at best. At worst, there's the tse-tse fly.

* Chantal is in such a hurry to get hitched and I think I know why. She's gained at least 10 pounds, by her own admission, in the few weeks this show has been on the air. She desperately needs to hook a guy before she balloons up way out of control. That being said, I think she's the most natural beauty of the three.

* She does seem a tad unstable, though, no? I can't imagine how she'd react if she's dumped in two weeks. Should be good! Brad's TV therapist should be on stand-by.

* Miss Emily is the sweetest of the three. Also the most enigmatic. And when she reaches up to kiss Mr. Brad, the sexiest.

* There were some comments about Miss Emily's big ole teeth in the comments section last week. I think they're fine. Maybe they're fake, maybe not, but they're fine. And so's she.

* Miss Emily's line of the night: "I'm an open book." Not two seconds later: "I'm hard to read sometimes." She's the Finnegan's Wake of the three. Sure, go ahead, she's an open book. But try getting past page 5.

* I have an affinity for women who always look like they're secretly thinking about something funny, enjoying their own little jokes in their head. Miss Emily is like that. Gwyneth Paltrow is another.

* Ashley has no lips, just like Mr. Brad. I wonder if they kept chipping their teeth when they kissed and that's the real reason it didn't work out.

* And Miss Emily is a bit of an automaton, too, just like Mr. Brad. If he chooses her at the final rose ceremony, I wonder if they'll shake hands.

* Loved the awkward conversation between Ash and Mr. Brad. Was it him or her? At first I thought it was his fault. No, she didn't mention she'd want to live in Austin, but when she was saying she just wants to be around people she loves, I got it. That was her way of saying she'd follow her man to the ends of the Earth. But then she totally shut down when confronted.

* Wasn't Ash's video message to Mr. Brad the epitome of awesomeness? Especially when you consider the timing. She was final three and she gave a big f-you to him. I also loved her face when he pulled her from the rose ceremony to sit down and talk. And Mr. Brad gets big points for being so utterly clueless as he walked her to the car: "What is wrong with you?" he asked her. Classic.

That's about it. Predictions for the final two? Will he pick Chantal? Will he pick Miss Emily? Will he flake out again? I'd say Miss Emily, although you can't discount Chantal's parents' bank account. Add your predictions in the comment section and/or nasty remarks.