The show did nothing to woo me back this week. But I still watched, sucker that I am. As I've been saying all along, I like the day-to-day stuff with the cast of misfits but I can't stand the actual contest. This week started off where they tried to keep us in suspense last week, announcing that their bad boy King Ding-a-Ling had beaten out former golden boy Jake in a battle royale (the closest vote in Bachelor Pad history!). Not a good place to start because it just cements what I (and I have to believe others) hate about the show. Can someone – anyone – explain to me why anyone would vote off Bro Jake over King Ding-a-Ling? How does that gain them anything, game-wise?
And so it went tonight in episode 4. Someone said the strategy was to either vote out the weak link or break up the power couple. Of course, we know what they did and would do long before we saw the results. Likable non-entity William would be fed to the lions. Nothing about the game makes sense. When King Ding-a-Ling brought out the sob story that he needed the money so his grandmother could live, what was going through the pea-brains of the other contestants, who also need the money for various causes? I'm speechless.
I believe the producers are setting King Ding-a-Ling and his Drama Queen up for a big fall, getting us to get our hate-on for them before dropping them so we can all feel good about the season, but it's not worth it. The fact they've lasted as long as they have gives me zero confidence in the show and the other contestants.
And yet I watch. If you're reading this, producers, don't think you won.
The game this week was the famously gross kissing contest, wherein one person stands blindfolded and is given a kiss gang-bang. It's no surprise that Princess Erica believes she's a great kisser. What is surprising is that she attributes it to the collagen or botox injections she gets twice yearly. She should be disqualified for using a performancing-enhancing substance.
She didn't win, though. It was sweet southern Ella who turned it on for the sake of her son, whereas the hideous beauty Michelle didn't love her 6-year-old daughter enough to even enter the competition.
On the boys' side, it was Blake on the make. Proving that dentists really do have no soul, Blake went all-in with everybody but Vienna, and only because he was afraid for his life. Interesting to note that when everyone was told what the contest would be, King Ding-a-Ling and Graham both said they were out, they wouldn't do it. But they held their noses and gave it the old college try. Actually, it was the women who held their noses when they kissed the foul King Ding-a-Ling. It wasn't clear if Kermit ate some nasty bugs with the intention of dissuading any sensuous lip-locks or if he just has a bad case of halitosis.
Ella took Kirk on her date so we got a return of the mould story. Obviously not having seen Kirk's season, Ella was amazed that Kirk opened up to her like that. I'm surprised it took him this long to mention it this time around.
Blake invited Holly on his date because he doesn't play the game in a linear fashion. That's all. He's not sweet on her. What cute Holly sees in the fanged dentist is beyond me, but pretty much everything is in this show anyway so que sera sera. That's Holly's one knock that I can see. The emotional Melissa didn't take things well, calling Blake a sociopath. Once again Dr. Blake opens up to the camera that he thinks he made a huge mistake.
Holly decides to spend the night on the date and Blake the Snake gets right on it. Dusting off his frat boy lines, he tells her he needs to re-examine the evidence to see if she really is the kisser she claims to be. Meanwhile, ex-fiancé Michael pines for her back at the mansion as the clock ticks on into the night. The next day she waltzes back into the house wearing several pearl necklaces, which is never a good sign. She breaks the news gently to Michael that she kissed Blake and Michael is dumbfounded. "I can't believe you kissed him. I can't believe you would do this to me," he said. Totally. I mean, blindfolded is one thing, but without props? That's a low blow. She said she had to see what she really felt. Subtext: she had to see if she was repulsed having to look at him when she kissed that smug mug. And she wasn't.
The rose ceremony was another dud. They give so much away leading up to it we all knew it would be William and Melissa. So not only is the mind-boggling reasoning behind the votes a turn-off, but so is revealing so much before we find out who stays and goes officially. I was hoping that William could slink around in the shadows until the final. He went unnoticed pretty much every week. What threat was he? How does sending him home help anyone's goal of winning it all?
As for Melissa, well, I hope she's okay. In both this series and her turn on The Bachelor, I felt she was often in the right but she just didn't know how to deal with her emotions and take a step back. Her facial contortions in the limo ride on the way out were something to behold. I hope time will allow her to look back and laugh at how crazy she looked.
From what I can tell, there are ten contestants left: Graham, Michelle, Blake, Ella, Michael, Holly, Vienna, Kirk, Erica and King Ding-a-Ling. Assuming the producers will not get rid of the power couple until the very end, if at all, who does that leave on the chopping block for next week? If all goes to form, it should be Erica (or maybe Ella) and Graham next to say buh-bye. Who do you have? Let me know. Make your predictions in the comments section. And don't be shy.
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