Bachelorette Kaitlyn: And then there were two

So it's 8:15 and my wife says, "When do you want to start watching?" For a brief moment, I was wondering if she was referring to Boyhood, which we watched half of the other night. Then a sinking feeling came over me. It was/is Monday night. I had completely forgotten about it. And I'm so tired. But maybe this will energize me. Okay, let's get started.

Oh, but before I do, let me address a comment I got last week calling me out for calling Jared out for his acne. I was told it's no joking matter. Here's my defence: If the guy had a pock-marked face, I wouldn't have mentioned it. That is, if it seemed like a serious problem, I wouldn't have picked that low-hanging fruit. Jared had what we've all had – a few zits break out. We've made fun of ourselves in that situation. It's not like it's a condition he suffers from. My comments weren't directed at anyone who may suffer from acne.

Did I dig myself a deeper hole? Hope not. Now, on with the show.

When last we met, Shawn was confronting Nick about his intentions. He thinks Nick has other reasons for being here. Not clear on what they are, but the usual, I'm guessing: starting with fame. Nick brings up the Eskimo brothers thing. Nothing is resolved.

Kaitlyn's overnight with Nick is over so now it's her turn to have sex with Ben. She knows he's not a player type, so that means she's probably not interested. But she gets in a better mood around him.

They go horseback riding. It's Kaitlyn's first time on a horse. They stop to feed some tiny donkeys then continue on to a picnic near a castle. It looks miniature. Maybe the donkeys live there.

He tells her he's falling in love with her, then tells us he's fallen in love with her. They have dinner in the miniature 19th century castle. They fit. Inside doesn't look castle like, but then I've only ever been in the castle at Disneyland.

Aitch reveals it was his 26th birthday at some point during the season. Kaitlyn's 30th is coming up. She says age doesn't bother her.  No doubt. It never bothers the older person. He says he feels super-lucky every time he's with her, and hopes, no doubt, that he gets super-duper lucky later tonight.

And there it is. The fake card from a producer or minion props person pretending to be Chris Harrison. Aitch rambles on about nothing before finally agreeing to the "best sleepover ever." He's excited to be a couple, free from distractions. Kaitlyn pretends it's not about the sex, which is admirable. She just wants to have some alone time away from the cameras.

I wonder why she hasn't felt the need to tell Aitch about her tryst with Nick when she was dying to tell Shawn?

The next morning he tells her she wakes up looking nice. Kaitlyn said they had a lot of fun, intimating they slept for maybe half an hour. She didn't expect to fall in love with Benjamin Aitch, but that's the impression she's giving.

Next up is the intense and passionate Shawn. She's looking for his sense of humour, which is MIA (Missing in Action: The Search for Shawn's Sense of Humour, starring Chuck Norris). Kaitlyn gives him a bright pink golf shirt. That sparks things up. So off they go golfing, wearing the garish outfits. But not for long.

Shawn loves golf. He's turned on by watching her hit the ball right down the middle. He says that's wife material. But then she beats him. Or so she says. So she wants to play Truth or Dare. He says he's a dare kind of guy so without missing a beat she makes him streak naked through the golf course. He undresses and she says, "You'll get your own black box." Not sure if she meant the censor or what's in store for him on the overnight.

As he putts naked, she runs off with his clothes, cackling all the way. She says tonight Shawn needs to put his clothes on so they can have a serious conversation. Uh-huh. And then immediately take them off again, presumably.

At dinner, they looked comfortable and like a couple. But she ends the good times with questions about his gripe with Nick. She brings up the Eskimo brothers thing. He tells her Nick is a terrible person and manipulative, but didn't say anything about the charge. A good offence is the best defence they say. He tells her if she ends up with Nick, he won't lose any sleep over it. Maybe not the best strategy, but we'll see.

She still gives him the fantasy suite card. He reads it and neither one of them responded to it. They just said, "Let's go" and skedaddled out of there. They close the door, and it seemed like an obvious time for a commercial but next thing you know the birds were chirping and it was morning. He leaves her room not in the most loving of ways. We follow him out on the street and Nick is standing there, leaning against a building, all menacing-like. He's clearly been stalking them all night. Or was planted there by the producers.

Nick asks if Shawn has a few minutes. Shawn says, "Not really." Shawn says he doesn't want to talk to Nick at all. But they talk anyway. Inside.

Shawn tells him he spent all night going over Nick's allegations with Kaitlyn. He talks non-stop, not letting Nick get a word in. He must be pissed that he didn't get the sex everyone else got. What a waste of a fantasy suite. But Nick is playing the victim now, saying Shawn didn't have to tell him he spent the whole day and night with Kaitlyn. He says he didn't know that and didn't want to know that. Unless something was cut out in the editing, Shawn clearly said he spent the whole night answering Nick's allegations. Also, even if they did, um, cuddle the night away, Nick would eventually find out anyway when the show airs. And this from a guy who told the world Andi had sex with him in the fantasy suite. Hypocrite.

Kaitlyn tells Harrison she kept looking for things to go wrong this week, but nothing went wrong. She had a good week. Harrison plants the information that Shawn might be an ultra-jealous guy in any situation. From her comments, it seems like the best man there is on the outs: Ben Aitch. But that's good news for Bachelor fans because he's a natural for that. I mean, if Run Ian Run doesn't get it!

The last rose ceremony is upon us. Kaitlyn enters wearing a dress cut down to her naval. She says her heart is beating out of her chest. My wife says, "No, your boobs are beating out of your chest." Glad she said it. I wouldn't want to be considered sexist.

But she can't go on. She gets emotional and needs to take a few moments to collect herself. She's hated sending people home from the very first episode. Obviously she's going to hate it even more at this point. She returns to tell them how hard it is, yada yada yada. With that, the roses:

1. Nick
2. Shawn

As predicted. No doubt the producers told her they like the drama of the two guys who hate each other being the final two. And they want Ben Aitch to be the next Bachelor, as I'm sure the whole of Bachelor Nation does.

Kaitlyn walks Ben out. She tells him he's going to find the best woman in the world and it frustrates her that it's not her. But doesn't frustrate her all that much, obviously. Ben handles it well. On the drive away, he says, "I'll miss that girl. I'll miss her a lot." He wasn't expecting to be going home. He says he was definitely changed by Kaitlyn. He's a different person now. No tears from him. But it crushed Kaitlyn, she says.

She feels the hate between Shawn and Nick. And she's right in between them. But it's not like they have to hang out with each other. It's hometowns week. Or is it? I thought so, but I should know by now nothing this season has a precedent.

She comes back in from seeing off Ben, they toast with champagne then she walks out leaving Shawn and Nick to awkwardly finish their booze and stand around kicking sand, ignoring each other.

We're in Utah now where she's going to meet Shawn and Nick's families. Instead of hometown visits, they're bringing the families to her.

She meets Nick first in his skinny jeans and sneakers. They sit down and talk. He tells her that he's totally in love with her. That reassures her. They smooch. She knows she's on the right path. I throw up a little bit.

Nick's family sits quietly in a semi-circle in the hotel. They're upset for him because they don't want him to be broken-hearted again. One very young sister cries because of the mood in the room, that's how sombre it is. She has no feelings about it herself, being about ten years old, but everyone else is so morose, the kid senses something is wrong. And here comes Kaitlyn into that fun atmosphere.

In the conversation with Nick's sisters and brothers and mom, Kaitlyn conveniently doesn't mention how she knew Nick before the show started. I wonder what they would have made of that. I've always had the impression it was a bit of a minor celebrity crush on the guy she saw on TV.

Nick tells his concerned mom he's pretty confident. He's 99 percent sure she loves him. He tells her, "She's great at making out." What every mother wants to hear. She worries that the next time she sees him, he's either going to be on Cloud 9 or devastated. Okay, I understand not wanting your kid to be hurt. But that's life and love. The other option is to marry the first person you meet and live happily ever after. Failing that, there's always going to be heartbreak.

They leave his family and Kaitlyn invites Nick into her hotel room. Again. They kiss on the couch and he whispers, "I love you." She whispers back, "Promise?" It's looking like he's the mistake she's going to make.

Now it's Shawn's family's turn. He's eager to tell his future wife that he loves her. Kaitlyn is wearing lipstick for maybe the first time. Or at least it's the first time I've noticed.

Shawn tells his family that out of the 25 guys on the first night, he's the only one left. Then adds that another guy came a few weeks later and he's still around, too. I think he really wanted to remind Kaitlyn of that fact.

One older sister asks Kaitlyn how many serious relationships she's had. Kaitlyn answers two. She wisely doesn't mention the dozens of non-serious relationships. Shawn's dad is concerned it's moved so fast and it may just be a physical thing. Yet Nick's family had no such concern. Isn't it ironic?

He asks Shawn, "What the hell's going on? This is nuts." But ultimately he's a pushover. He's with Shawn 100 percent.

Now on their own, they kiss respectfully, unlike the full-on passionate kisses she shares with Nick. He gets something off his chest. He says he lied earlier when he said he was falling in love with her. The truth is he is in love with her and has been for a long time. Now they kiss and this looks hopeful for him. She looks happy and relaxed.

But she gets emotional back at her place. She was so happy to hear that Shawn loves her. Her emotions are so intense that she's confused. Good thing they're in Utah. She can just marry them both!

We won't find out who she chooses for another two weeks, though. Next week is the Men Tell All episode. Can wait to hear from all the guys I've forgotten already.

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: It's sexy time! (again)

Hi all. Are we losing readers/viewers as the dog days of summer hit? Or is the show losing viewers because of Kaitlyn or the changes made every episode? Or is everyone still out there? Regardless, I'm still here sweating it out.

Previously on The Bachelorette: Nick makes Kaitlyn feel like a desired woman. Shawn questions everything whenever he sees her with another guy (and especially "that other guy"). The order changed, with Fantasy Suites coming before Hometowns now. Two are leaving this week. That's about it.

It's been draining for Kaitlyn. Hell, it's been draining for all of us.

Aitch gets the first date. This guy's a lock, I would think. Then again, she thought JJ was good-looking and funny, so what do I know?

On the dates this week, she's really looking at whether the guys are husband material. So she wants to show them all her many sides. She's not just bubbly Kaitlyn, she says.

She and Aitch take a row boat out on a lake. Aitch does all the rowing. He rows to a private island and they play hide and seek in some ancient stone structure. See, she's more than just a bubbly chick. She also likes children's games.

She tells him right off the bat he seems like husband material to her. They kiss lots. Tastes like husband material, too.

At night they head to a cozy place with a fireplace and whiskey. Aitch tells us he's falling in love with her, but he needs to tell her about his biggest fear. And that is that he loved his last girlfriend but since that ended, he feels he's unlovable. Makes as much sense as her fear of birds.

He's just fishing for reassurance is what he's doing. It works. They kiss some more.

This guy could play the next Superman, I'm thinking.

She asks Aitch his opinion on overnights. He tells her it doesn't have to be just physical. Or even physical at all. He said he'd like to talk all night. Then she wonders if he might be a virgin so she flat-out asks him. His answer: "Um..." Then he smiles and says, "No!" He says he's glad he comes off innocent, though. Then mentions talking all night again. They kiss some more, then she asks him to tell her about when he lost his virginity. Thankfully we don't get the answer. He kisses her to shut her up. This girl has one thing on her mind, doesn't she?

No rose on the line for the one-on-one.

Nick's confidence couldn't be higher, he tells us. He's going on a group date with his arch-rival Old Man Shawn and Moonshine Joe. One person will get a rose on this date, which guarantees some good old-fashioned fornicatin' in the Fantasy Suite!

Shawn gets the first alone time. She told him last week they needed to take a step back. Now he's ready to step forward. They sit on the grass and talk about their last encounter, which was the first time they didn't kiss. So they rectify that. He gets lip gloss on his moustache.

Kaitlyn, though, wants to tell him about the Nick sextuation. Just as she's about to reveal her deep, dark secret, Nick steps in. So off they go, leaving Shawn to show his lip gloss off to Joe.

Nick and Kaitlyn have a tender moment where he mumbles into his hand that he's falling for her.

Moonshine Joe tells Kaitlyn he's ready to get married. She's not buying it. So he shows her with his lips. She just sits there. She doesn't make eye contact, either. He tells her he's in love with her. She's flattered but clearly uncomfortable. She sits there looking down with an awkward smile on her face.

Back from the break and she's not looking as happy. They're on the same bench, but here comes the brutal honesty. She tells him they're not on the same page right now. Turns out, she's not even reading the same book. In fact, it's possible ol' Moonshine Joe doesn't even know how to read. He says, "What are you trying to say, Kaitlyn?" Good question. She can't imagine saying goodbye to him, she tells him. He keeps a stiff upper lip. Staring off into the distance, he says he's not upset with her at all. She asks if he can give her a hug and he says, "I guess." Love it!

He asks what to do now. She says he should do whatever he wants. He doesn't know. She says, "I just wanted to hug you and say goodbye." Then he mumbled something I couldn't catch on three or four rewinds. But I don't think it was pleasant.

Now it's just Shawn and Nick, making the rose option even more fun. But she tells them she doesn't feel like handing it out. She tells Nick she'll see him at the rose ceremony. She tells Shawn she needs more time with him tonight. They both take this as a notch in Shawn's belt, but really it's just so she can tell him she boned Nick.

Shawn's feeling great about this one-on-one time. Kaitlyn's feeling sick about having to open up to him. He looks hopefully in her eyes. Here goes! "I want to be honest with you and I know your biggest thing is trust. I haven't talked to anybody else about this... I don't want you to find out later." She brings up the one-on-one date with Nick. She says, euphemistically, it went too far. What? Second base? Nope, she goes one further and says, "We had sex." No mincing words there. Shawn turns red and sweats. He's silent. "Do you regret it?" he asks? "I felt guilt," she answered. He says he doesn't know what to think. He says, "I'm trying to figure out why you're telling me this right now." Another good question. He says he needs to take a minute to regroup and go to the bathroom. Presumably to barf.

He returns. He thanks her for telling him, but admits he's upset about it, especially because it involves a guy he has no respect for. But he's going to man-up and deal with it. He can't be mad because he wants her. He thinks she's worth it. But deep down, he feels sick to his stomach. Thus the barfing.

Shawn arrives back at the house. He doesn't talk to Nick and Patchy about what was said. It's between him and Kaitlyn. He just says he feels confident he'll get a rose.

Looks like Patchy is the odd man out this week. He isn't getting a date. I wonder if it had to do with his sudden outbreak of acne. They're going straight to the cocktail party. I guess I was confused because a) there's still an hour left in the show, and b) Patchy hadn't been on a date yet. But there are no rules or consistency this season. My internal clock is screwed up.

Shawn is saying he may not even accept the rose if offered.

Chris Harrison enters to tell the four fellas that Kaitlyn's mind is made up so there will be no cocktail party. Oh geez, can't we have some semblance of structure?! So off the handsome men go via hansom carriage to the rose ceremony.

And away we go! The roses go in order to:

1. Shawn.

But wait! She asks if he'll accept this rose and he says, "I need to talk to you." They walk off hand in hand. He says he did a lot of thinking last night. "I understand there are other connections and other relationships" but he doesn't understand why she asked him his opinion on Nick and told him (i.e. Shawn) he was the one. He doesn't get why she'd jeopardize their relationship. She says it was a mistake to tell him he was the one halfway through the process. She's here to explore other relationships. And by that she means lots and lots of sex. With one other guy. She loves Shawn's honesty and loves that he cares, but he needs to let her figure out things herself. She asks if she might be someone he can't trust. He says, "Uh." She says, "You have to trust me but I don't think you do."

So back to the roses. Will he accept? "Absolutely." Doesn't sound convincing, though.

1. Shawn (again)
2. Aitch
3. Nick

Sorry, Patchy, you're going home but enjoy these parting gifts: a year's supply of razors and Clearasil. He tells her she's a wonderful person and he's really glad he met her. He handles it like a gentleman.

She blubbers in his arms. He smiles and gets in the van. Sounds like it's got no muffler and it sputters away. His eyes are watery in the car. Okay, more than watery. He says he's going to miss her a lot.

So here we are at the overnights. But only half an hour left in the episode. Argh! My world is upside-down!

Nick gets the first Fantasy Suite date. Or first and second, if you want to be technical about it. And third total, if you're counting Andi, too.

They're in Dublin (or maybe Cork) and walk into a cathedral. They light some candles and he explains to her about the confessional. Good thing for him the priest wasn't on duty. He'd have a lot of esplainin' to do.

At a bar, they talk about her first kiss in grade 8 and him touching privates also in grade 8. It's an activity he hasn't given up. Some locals sit and talk with them and Kaitlyn can't understand them. Yet she could understand Moonshine Joe? They give the young couple some advice and it centres around trust. And something about craic, which is pronounced 'crack' but doesn't involve narcotics (necessarily) or butt cleavage.

Shawn is still brewing over "that other guy." He won't mention him by name.

That other guy tells Kaitlyn there's one guy he has no respect for. He alludes to the guy bragging about being "Eskimo brothers" with a famous country singer because they banged the same girl on the same night. Or something like that. Kaitlyn says, "Eww!" I immediately Googled the phrase:

Eskimo Brother

n. A male who has had sex with, and ejaculated inside of the same woman as a good friend. (not necessarily simultaneously)

I knew me and Jack were brothers for life, but when I found out he slept with Stacy we became Eskimo Brothers

I was confused as to the etymology of this phrase. How does that term find its way to that definition? Then I found this image, which explained it all:

Kaitlyn asks who he's talking about. Turns out it's Shawn, naturally. Not naturally because we expect that from Shawn; but naturally because Shawn is Nick's main competition. He adds he's worried about her. Nick's in full weasel mode.

Then lightning strikes. What does it mean?! It means that warm air met cold air and formed a thundercloud, then negative and positive charges grew.

Kaitlyn doesn't really care about the jabs each of them throws at the other. That's good. But since she lives in a glass house, she's careful with stones.

She gives Nick the Fantasy Suite card. It's the second one he's experienced. He tells her he wants to wake up to her. The suite is in a jail. Two futons on the floor. He's game. But turns out that was just a prank because the bubbly Kaitlyn's a prankster even when sex is on the line.

Now they're in their real suite. They drink and kiss then walk to the bedroom holding hands. They lie down and kiss some more. He squeezes her upper thigh. Then he gets up and closes the door. "Let's just get to it," he says.

In the light of day, they sit and eat bacon. Or ham. His problem with Ireland is with the bacon, he says, and that's because it's actually ham. Kaitlyn likes it but that's because she's Canadian, Nick says. Let's clear this up for our American readers. In the US, there's a thing called "Canadian bacon" that looks like ham. Let it be stated for the record that in Canada there is no such thing. At least, it's not called Canadian bacon. Our bacon is just like their bacon – long, thin strips of peeled pig. If it's ever ham-like, we call it ham. Or maybe back bacon. I'm not sure. I just know there's nothing called Canadian bacon.

He's shirtless. They're glowing. This is the first post-fantasy suite date we've seen. He gets dressed, kisses her, and takes the walk of shame back to his hotel.

Meanwhile, Shawn calls the front desk to find out Nick's room number. No hotel I've ever visted gives that kind of information out, but they apparently did. So he trudges over to Nick's place to get some things off his chest.

He sits down at Nick's and tells him he doesn't understand his reasons why he's here. He calls Nick manipulative, arrogant and cocky. He tells him he's an "asshole." They go on and on, but we're going to have to wait until next week to find out what happens because the producers like ending shows in the middle now.

Oh good lord, here's more on Britt and Brady. He's saying goodbye because he lives in Nashville and she lives in LA. Can we all just say goodbye to these little needless segments?

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Regrets? I've had a few

Hey everyone. Ready for another rose ceremony? Because that's how these shows start these days. Such drama as we try to remember what happened last week. But this much I do remember: There's a two-on-one that didn't get started.

But before any ceremony or date, Shawn gets serious with Kaitlyn. He asks her point blank: "Are you in love with me?" She's stuck for an answer, finally coming up with the old standby, "I'm falling in love with you."

He's being a big baby. I guess when they were drawing cards to be given their roles for the season, he was given the role of the guy who doesn't understand that he's not the only one on the show. There's one in every season.

He tells her, "I don't know if I can do this." She says he just has to decide if he can do it. And she kisses him slowly to shut him up. Snivelling, she tells the camera she feels guilty that he knows she was intimate with Nick the Slick. But her feelings for Shawn are "overwhelming." She feels "awful" and cries in her hand. She doesn't feel guilty over being intimate with Nick, though; she just feels awful about how it might affect the others. Interesting distinction, to be sure. Semantics anyone?

She says she feels like she's constantly disappointing people. Her heart would break if Shawn left. But he ain't going nowhere, I sense.

Yes, finally the two-on-one with JJ and Joe. She says JJ is attractive. I'm blaming the editing on that one. No way she said that. Impossible. Moonshine Joe's no great shakes but at least he's devoid of JJ's personality. That's a plus.

The three of them take a boat ride. Looks like a fishing vessel but I'm not sure. They arrive at some tiny deserted island. Whoever was there before them left a picnic basket and some blankets. Luck of the Irish!

She sits with Joe on a rocky beach. What is JJ doing during this time? There's literally nothing else to do on the island. Hope he brought a book. Joe tells her he's falling in love with her then starts eating her lips. Can't blame him the way she sticks them out the way she does. She says Joe blew her away.

Now it's JJ's turn. He promises to show the worst of himself. Interesting strategy. Turns out, three years ago he cheated on his wife. Surprising. He seemed like such a nice young man. (sarcasm font) He made a mistake that destroyed his life. He doesn't say whether it was with a man or woman. She thinks he probably learned a lot from that. I'm sure he did. Cheaters hardly ever cheat more than once. They always learn their lesson and then become model spouses.

Now it's rose time. She says she doesn't know what she's going to do. She feels sick. She tells them she's genuinely looking for a husband and these things take time. She tells Joe she doesn't feel like they've had that time. But on the other hand, it's not fair to keep JJ there when his daughter's at home if she doesn't see a future with him. Hallelujah!

But she doesn't give the rose to Joe, either, because she needs more time. So they're going to spend some more time together while JJ gets a free trip to the USA!

They go to a room and talk a bit between kisses. Joe looks the most relaxed he's been all season.

He returns to the guys and tells them he's falling in love with "the girl." Shawn immediately gets up and leaves. Or at least that's how the edit would have us believe. He walks to the elevator and says it's cards on the table time.

Kaitlyn's curled up in a ball on her sofa. Then she's being interviewed and the producer says, "They're telling me Shawn's on his way over right now." So she gets warned. I would assume they always get warned but this is the first time they've shown us. Usually we see them answering the door all fake-surprised.

She immediately thinks Shawn's going to leave so she bawls. He knocks. She whispers, "I don't want to go through this." Then she answers the door with tear-stained cheeks. She invites him to the couch.

She tells him she's having a rough time. He reveals what she said off-camera in Texas. She looked him in the eyes and said, "I think you're the one." So that's why he's been so jealous of everyone else. Instead of letting that build his confidence, he let it eat away at him every time she kissed someone else.

She says maybe she's at fault for reassuring him so much. She tells him it's hard for everyone. Everyone else is so positive and she's wasting time reassuring him all the time. He says the more reassurance she gives him, the harder it gets for him. That leaves her confused because she doesn't know if she should back off or not. This isn't making her closer to him. She finds him needy. And that's because he is.

Now we get Kaitlyn's side. She says Shawn asked her if he was the one and she said that's just how she felt at that moment but now regrets saying it. Oh, that impetuous Kaitlyn. It's one regret after another for her.

It's cocktail party time. She gets the party started by telling them how difficult her week has been. She's emotional and confused and has made mistakes. But her heart is still open. Sounds like it's going to be a fun party!

She says she's never been this nervous. The guys aren't sure what she meant by "mistakes." Well, Nick the Slick knew, but he wasn't talking. Shawn thinks he knows. Her statements are like a Rorschach test. You can see in them anything you want.

Zed steals her away. They sit outside and he takes the opportunity to kiss her in Ireland. She finds him handsome and manly.

Aitch takes her into the library. He needs to talk to her. She looks worried. He says something happened but he doesn't know what. He knows something was said to Shawn that changed things, gave him validation. But he doesn't want to know details. He just wants to make sure he's not just spinning his wheels. I guess he's looking for validation, too, but in a slightly less whiny way.

She thanks him for talking about it and not jumping to any conclusions. Aitch is certainly Bachelor material if he doesn't make it the whole way through. Who's with me on this? Good-looking, sense of humour, sane.

Slick sits down with Kaitlyn. He fears she was talking about him. She tells him she fears him being a loudmouth. He assures her he hasn't been. Then he gets emotional, trying his best to show his vulnerability. He's good. She bought it hook, line and stinker. She said his emotions were "so sincere." She was drawn to it. It changed any concerns she had for him. So they kiss some more, as they are wont to do.

Next it's Shawn's turn. Again. He apologizes for making her week hard for her. He says he got in his own head and drove himself a little crazy. She says she's to blame. Very Canadian. She tells him she never should have made that sweet gesture. It messed everything up. He asks her what she's thinking, looking concerned. She tells him they need to take a step back. Ah, so nothing to be concerned about. That's always a sign that things are going swimmingly.

They zoom in on his face and I find it hard to believe Shawn is only 28. He could easily pass for 40.

We're just over one hour in so of course it's time for the rose ceremony. Three roses to hand out. Slick, Patchy, and Moonshine already have roses. We didn't see Joe being offered his rose but he's wearing one now so we have to assume he didn't just pick one up at a market and pin it to his lapel.

She tells Chris Harrison that sometimes she makes impulse decisions. This just in! Ya think?! She's sounding like Shawn will not get a rose because he wouldn't be able to handle finding out about her sleeping with Slick.

Two are going home. Shawn and Cupcake? Those are my calls. Let's see how it goes:

1. Aitch
2. Cupcake!
3. Shawn

Wow. Oh-for two! But I blame the editors. Tissue Tanner and Zed are the casualties. Tanner tells her, "It's been fun." The manly Zed says, "Thank you for everything." He says he didn't see it coming. He was blindsided. He really thought they had something good. There will be calls for Zed to be the next Bachelor, but Aitch is the better one, I believe. Especially if they do steroid testing.

She's terrified that her mistakes could sabotage her happiness.

We come back from commercial and my wife says, "Oh, it's still on?" See, these random rose ceremonies are screwing with people's inner clock.

They're going to Killarney. Everyone on a "Paddywagon" except for Patchy, who gets to ride in the car with Kaitlyn. She drives. The steering wheel is on the right side, and the traffic is on the left. She hits the curb three times.

They arrive at the Blarney Stone. It's on the top of a castle-like structure. They have to lean over the edge backwards to kiss it. That was just a pit-stop, though. They keep going to a legit castle, where Kaitlyn is staying. It's apparently haunted, she says, and adds the queen has stayed there, too. Now why would the bloody Queen of England and the Commonwealth be put up in a haunted castle? I think she was confusing it with Hamlet. Anyway, they have a cocktail on her bed and kiss. The ghosts mind their own business.

In the bus, we see Shawn sleeping with some very obvious fake snoring edited in. That's below the belt. Maybe he was sawing logs and they didn't catch it so felt it was fair game to edit it in later.

Patchy kisses her goodbye. Then Harrison knocks on her door. He asks her to be honest with him: is she ready to visit four families? She says yes. She tells him her "mistake" about getting her field plowed by Slick. Harrison says, "That's good. We all screw up." And screw, period, am I right? He tells her she needs to get the other relationships up to speed. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more. That's a task Kaitlyn is up for!

She's going to send home three guys this week, instead of just two. She's going to get Fantasy Suite time before the Hometowns instead of the other way around. The guys think hometowns will be next, but here's Harrison to fill them in that the overnight dates will be in Ireland.

Dr. Cupcake gets the first one-on-one. We've seen the teaser and he weeps so maybe he doesn't come back. That'll probably be the cliffhanger.

They greet each other and kiss, but it's definitely close-mouthed. A helicopter arrives and whisks them up, up and away. They land on some cliffs. They look like the Cliffs of Despair from Princess Bride. They sit right on the edge and have a picnic. Her heart definitely is not here. He has no clue.

She asks him what their lives would look like if they were together. She asks him if he would want to stay in Nashville. He dances around the question.

She tells him she's freaking out a little bit. She cries. He comforts her not knowing what's coming. She says every time she's with him, it's so good. But she promised herself she wouldn't lead any relationship on. He calmly says he sees what she's saying. She blames herself again, as any good Canadian can relate to. He tells her she's just scared. She says he's everything she wants in somebody, but she doesn't fully see it so she says bye to him. He says, "I really wish that you could be my wife." What he really should have said was, "Inconceivable!" But he gets up and kisses her on the forehead. She walks back to the chopper. He will have to climb down, I guess.

"I think that she's wrong and I don't think she really knows what she wants," he says. But he'd rather know now than next year or in twenty years. Really? He wouldn't like a good twenty-year run with the woman of his dreams? He says she deserves a lifetime of happiness, but "I'm not sure she's ready to find it. Looking at her, she's a mess." He cries right near the edge of the cliff. It looked for a second that he was going to jump. A producer takes a step toward him. He comes to his senses and sits down and bawls like few have bawled before him on this show. Maybe he should have jumped. Less embarrassing.

No cliffhanger. Ironic considering they were right there on a cliff. They just don't get it.

Next week Kaitlyn sits down the remaining guys and confesses she had sex with Nick. And she says "sex," not "was intimate with." Not sure why she felt the need to confess, but it's probably because they'd all find out by watching the show anyway. Looks like they weren't too happy. Didn't see that coming.

And that's that.