BP 2, episode 2: A Love-Hate Relationship

Hey there, folks. I realize it's almost pointless for me to weigh in three days after the fact but I also realize it's just slightly less pointless for me to weigh in at all at any time. I was away on vacay, saw the show, scribbled some notes, but was just too tired to write them out here for you until we got home. So here I am.

I think I have a real problem with this series. I mean, there's lots to love but lots to hate, too. The absolute worst aspect to the whole thing for me is the actual game. I wish I knew how to tweak it. Maybe if I spent ten seconds on it I could come up with better rules but I couldn't be bothered. Besides, they're the professionals. There's good drama there, some decent comedy (minus trying to ram the masked man down our throats at show's end every week – it's not in the least bit funny and maybe the exact opposite), but I can't stand the competitive aspect of it. Maybe it's in the editing but how does one explain the train wreck that is King Ding-a-Ling (aka Kermit, aka Kasey) and the Drama Queen Vienna? By all accounts, everyone should be – and could easily be – ganging up on them to break them up or vote them both off, but when it comes down to it, we get two otherwise likable characters (Ella and Jackie) who have done nothing to prove they are threatening to be champs that must go. We're obviously not seeing everything.

I mean, you have Blake saying King Ding-a-Ling "carries as much clout as a gust of wind". You have King Ding-a-Ling telling Jake, "People just don't like you. You're a bad person. No one wants you here," and others looking on in disgust. Yet they want him around? Makes no sense whatsoever.

I'd much prefer just a vote. That is, do all the little competitions along the way, then have a vote without all the factions and shenanigans. You can't stop people from talking to each other, but it wouldn't be such a big part of the show. Oh, but that's what keeps people watching, goes the argument. Balderdash, says I. I watch in spite of that nonsense. If the fun and games along the way were the slightest bit less entertaining, I'd ditch this show in a second because of the Machiavellianism. Simply have them vote as individuals. That in itself would be more exciting. We wouldn't know who was going to get picked. There's no need for factions that I can see. Everybody is in it for themselves anyway.

Okay, let me dig out my notes.

The point of the Paintball Competition, as far as I could tell, was to test the throwing arm of the contestants. Most direct hits wins. Who they selected as their personal target was irrelevant. So why, then, would they all pick on Erika as the one they're least attracted to? I get that she was the biggest target, but why pile on? Why did they also choose her for the one they wanted to go home? She's an insignifant non-entity in this game. And if those answers reflected their actual opinion, why, when it came down to it, did they whittle the choices down to Ella and Jackie, two other insignificant non-entities, game-wise?

Also, you had to love how the Drama Queen and her King Ding-a-Ling both bragged about being softball and baseball players yet both threw like girls... that is, girls who can't throw.

Kasey has got to have the most misplaced confidence of any contestant in the history of Bachelor Pad, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Maybe of anyone ever. There's not a doubt in my mind that the producers are behind him staying on the show. They think they need someone people love to hate. They're wrong. In game shows, people tend to watch because they like a given contestant, not dislike. And what's a note any producer in film or TV gives a screenwriter? The character has to be more likable. It defies logic that he and Vienna are still around. The other contestants are not that thick. Why are they keeping them around?

Michael won the men's Paintball Toss so he chose Erica, Michelle and Holly for his date. Michael admitted that his two biggest fears are abandoned buildings and hospitals. Talk about two random fears. And coincidentally the date took place in an abandoned hospital! What stunningly bad luck! (No, I'm not daft. It was no luck at all.)

Michael gave the rose to his ex-fiancée, Holly. One interesting tidbit was that they met at the wrap party to his season. But why was she there? She wasn't on his season, since she was never The Bachelorette. I guess they just invite all ex-contestants. More chance of there being a hook-up and potential life-long relationship so the producers can use it as an example of love on the show. They're hoping to expand on their already impressive record of two marriages in however many seasons this thing has been running.

Melissa won the women's Paintball Challenge and chose my three least favourite guys: Kirk, King Ding-a-Ling, and Blake. I forgot all about Melissa's first appearance on national TV with Brad. In fact, I still don't remember it, but apparently she came off as a crazy person. This time around didn't fair any better for her. She came off a tad possessive with the duplicitous Blake, who whored himself out for a rose but has a thing going with Holly.

Did you notice the sloppy editing? Again, we'd see a guy lounging around in a t-shirt with drama swirling. Cut to him talking to the camera in a jacket and tie saying he's got to talk to so-and-so, then back to the action with him in t-shirt approaching whoever.

When Chris Harrison drops the bombshell that instead of one man and one woman being voted off, it'll be two women (for reasons not bothered to be explained), things get interesting... for all of five seconds. Gia walks on principle because Graham betrayed her trust to King Ding-a-Ling, sniffling that everyone is so sneaky. This coming from the gal who tried to sneakily get King Ding-a-Ling booted out. I mean, I appreciated her efforts but it was no less sneaky than anyone else. With Gia gone, it comes down to one woman needing to be voted off. And as clear as mud it's down to Ella or Jackie because... well, you know... um... they're relatively normal? That's the best I can come up with. Talk about your false dichotomy! No one mentions the delusional Drama Queen Vienna or the girl everyone tagged with paint balls.

Jackie is the one voted out and this leads to more craziness. She and Ames had a thing going so he walks her to her limo. The limo starts to drive off then stops. He walks back to the group then decides to run off with Jackie because he loves her so much. First off, how did the limo know to stop? Secondly, he started filming this show immediately following The Bachelorette, in which he fell in love with Ashley. That's twice falling in love in a matter of, what?, a few weeks or month? Nice work, Ames! Thirdly, this isn't The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. He wasn't there to fall in love with someone else once Jackie was forced to leave. Why not stick around for a couple more weeks tops and try to win big bucks so he and Jackie can enjoy it? There was no need for him to run off like that. At the very least he'd see her again at the wrap party.

That's about it. So much to hate about this series, yet so much to love. So I'll be back on Monday and will be more prompt with my next post.