Monday, August 1, 2011

Week 10: Some men tell some

Tonight was the special The Men Tell All episode. These episodes are always more fun imagining what they might be like rather than what it turns out to be. They're given two hours and what do they do? More recaps and long promo pieces for the upcoming Bachelor Pad. When they get around to airing out their differences, they do a couple gripes and move on. I'd rather see two hours of infighting, but that's just me.

Early in the process, host Chris Harrison suggested that during the segment on Bentley they would discuss whether the producers of the show should have informed Ashley of what they knew. For a brief moment, I not only thought I'd finally get an answer to something that really irked me, but I thought maybe they even read this space. I kind of exist in a vacuum. I know there are dozens and dozens of other Bachelor/ette blogs out in cyberspace but I don't read a single one of them. So I'm going to go on believing none of them harped on the subject and that the powers that be read my entries.

But despite Harrison alluding to it in the intro, nary a mention was made when it came time to rehash the Bentley situation. And what a disappointing segment that turned out to be. Most people were probably expecting this segment to be the juiciest but they barely talked about it. What we did find out was former villain and former beauty Michelle was the one who texted Ashley about Bentley's intentions. No wonder Ashley disregarded the warning. Beyond that, we heard Blake call Bentley a "narcissist, liar and a coward." End scene.

Later Ashley, in proving that she's completely over Bentley, shed more tears in talking about him. Yup, totally over him. And despite the process completely proving her instincts to be horrible, she declared she'll continue to be guided by her heart: "That's how I live my life and I'll never change that." Yeah, why change what's so clearly working for you?

Another Harrison head-scratcher: He called the masked man "easily the most talked about person in the history of the show." Really? Not Bentley? Not Wes? Not any number of now-forgotten weirdos?

In a segment on formerly unseen footage, it flew by. They'd run the clip, that was neither informative nor particularly entertaining, then quickly move on to the next one, ending on a shot of Vaseline on the night table next to Ashley's bed. It's not what you think it's for. But she should have pretended it was because her real answer was a complete turn-off: she rubs Vaseline all over her lips and lower face before going to bed. "You don't want to sleep next to me," she said. How did she know?!

One thing that struck me during the elongated promo for Bachelor Pad was how quickly I forget the names of people I spent ridiculing for a whole season. I can't even remember which season they were a part of. But I think I'll be watching anyway.

Oh, poor sweet William. Does everyone hate him? Am I the only one who sympathizes with him? He's the only one who understood what a roast was and he was vilified for it. Sure, in hindsight, he shouldn't have made the joke about wanting Emily or what's-her-face (see?) instead of Ashley, but there's no way he would have made the joke if that's what he really thought. But wasn't it adorable seeing him sitting there with his fingers in his ears while his highlight reel played?

And poor sweet Ryan. I admit it was kind of cringe-inducing when he proudly stated he read three books of questions (?) to prepare for the show as an example of him taking the process seriously, I don't think he should be ridiculed for it, as I'm sure he will be. He's just an earnest well-meaning guy. Cut him some slack.

Ames proved to be the crowd favourite. And since he's a contestant on the upcoming BP, I bet the producers are slapping their foreheads now. He probably should have been selected as the next Bachelor judging by the reaction he received tonight. And oh how I'd love that. It would be the best season ever. Ames told Chris he took it slow with Ashley because he wanted the relationship to last forever, presumably something he learned from the ancient Greek philosopher Aesop.

Then we were treated to the usual assortment of past contestants (is that what you call them?). Apparently Trista and Ryan were unavailable. Now we'll never know how their kids are doing and how much they still love each other... Hey, wait a minute... Maybe they're relationship is on the rocks? How else to explain their absence? Let's start that rumour! And while we're at it, we can start the "Ali has let herself go" rumour based on the muumuu she was sporting. Isn't that why people wear them? Anyway, we got Ali, Jason and DeAnna and they all commiserated with poor Ashley. At least that's how it sounded even though Ashley is "very very happy."

Later tonight we'll find out what happens. The promos showed both JP and Ben getting down on one knee and proposing. The voice-over asked which one, if any, she would choose. I think she'll go with Ben. So put your money on JP because I'm usually wrong.

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