Monday, January 18, 2016

Bachelor Ben: How ugly are the toes?!

Welcome back to the third week of Mr. Perfect Looks for Love. Will we ever see a chink in Ben's armour? Hard to imagine.

We start off with two women (still don't know everyone) talking quietly about one of the other women. Who are they talking about?

There are two one-on-one dates this week. The first one goes to Lauren B. I think she was the early frontrunner before cutey-pie Caila came on strong last week.

The date is on a biplane. Even though LB is a flight attendant, she's never been on a small plane before. She's scared. And also a little confused. She describes "flying in the clouds with Ben" on a perfectly clear and cloudless day. Ben kisses her and I can't figure out if she likes it or not.

They do a fly-over of the mansion and the gals hate it. Jubilee hates having to "watch" him with another girl. She must have bionic vision to go along with that killer body if she can see them from that far away.

The plane lands in the middle of nowhere. LB isn't "super into" situations she's never been in before. She's a planner, she says. But she goes along with things. It helps that there's a hot tub sitting in the middle of nowhere. She changes into her, um, bathing suit?, behind a tree. Looks like underwear. Hey, they're in the middle of nowhere. Surprised they're wearing anything at all. They kiss some more. She looks more into it now.

He's still looking like a better-looking Tom Cruise at certain angles.

Oh my God, is that Caila hyperventilating and blubbering over the process being hard? Yes, it is! Okay, LB has her frontrunner status back in my book.

LB is still on her date, talking about her "simple" dad. And she's looking for a daddy figure in a man. She might get it as they look pretty good together. She accepts Ben's rose.

One more surprise for LB. It's a surprise for all of us, too – a girl group nobody's ever heard of that twangs out a song in a barn for them.

Group date time. They're at the LA Coliseum on a soccer field. They're aided by two members of the US women's soccer team. They don't have a lot to work with.

Jubilee is back at the mansion catastrophising. She says she's so much more complicated than anyone else there, and that's not Ben's type. But that's putting the cart before the horse.

Chris Harrison informs the women that the game is for time with Ben. Half the women will be returning to the mansion after the game. That'd be the losing half. I'm not sure this will affect the game one iota. They're only as good as they are and no amount of incentive will make them any better.

It's Stars vs Stripes. Or, as the kids say these days, Stars versing Stripes. After regulation time, it was tied 3-3. Or to put that into perspective, about all the scoring you'll find in a season of professional soccer. In the end, the Stripes team won. Unemployed Rachel takes the blame since she had a muscle cramp.

The losers are back at the mansion pouting, while the winners are toasting a great night. And Olivia gets first action. They go upstairs to a room and the Anchor calls down to the others, gloating. The others remark on her ugly toes. Okay, now I've simply got to see them. You can't include that reference in the show and then just leave it up to our imagination. How grotesque are they? Maybe they're just fine. Either way, inquiring minds want to know.

One of the anonymous women rats on the others. So Olivia does have a friend in the house. Olivia guesses they were talking about her calves or ankles. But then she says "perfection is so lame." And she admits she hates her toes, too.

Amber gets some good lip action in. Good enough for the rose. Olivia and her toes are disappointed but she says she knew he couldn't give her another rose. She's picking up his little signals, like him touching her leg as he stands up. That's as good as a rose for Olivia.

The other one-on-one date comes and Jubilee is being a pathetic baby, just knowing she's not going to get it. Then they read her name. Jubilation! Is this one of those dates where if a rose isn't handed out, it's time to go home? Haven't seen that in a while.

She gets dressed up to the nines, gives Ben some razzing for being 20 minutes late, then when a helicopter arrives, she reveals her fear of heights and asks if anyone else wants to go on the date instead. The girls get lots of play off of this, naturally, but she's just playing hard to get. Just joshing with him.

Isn't two air dates in one episode overkill?

They land at another mansion. Caviar is spread out. They sample it and Jubilee almost pukes. Her favourite meal is hot dogs. She's "obsessed with hot dogs." That might come in handy later.

Hot tub time. They try to out-bad tattoo each other. I think it was a draw. In the hot tub, Ben tells her, "I ain't that white." Jubilee says, "So I've heard." She tells him he doesn't laugh that much and he stresses out too much. Says the woman who was convinced she wasn't getting a date card and was inconsolable about it.

At dinner, Jubilee tells Ben she has a love-hate relationship with her past. She had a bad past. She talks about her whole family dying. I think in Haiti. Heavy. Ben tells her he wants to get to know those layers. So she gets the rose. She gets up and sits on his lap and they kiss.

That'd make three roses so far: Jubilee, Lauren B. and Amber. So much for Ben's "type."

The other women are surprised Jubilee made it back home. The others don't like her much. Go figure.

Cocktail party time. Ben informs the women that two family friends died in a plane crash the night before. So Olivia takes him away right off the bat to cry over her ugly toes. She always knows the right things to say.

Jubilee is off on her own. Maybe that's because the others don't like her. She says a lot of women in general don't like her. That gives her major anxiety. But Ben likes her just fine. She takes him aside and gives him a massage. The girls are pissed.

Amber is on a "literally" alert. That's three times I've counted. She's been warned.

Jubilee wraps herself in a blanket off on her own. Amber wants a "girl chat" and Jubilee wants nothing to do with that. She huffs off upstairs. "Leave me the fuck alone," she tells Amber. Ben overhears it and asks what's going on.

Amber won't quit. She just wants to talk. She says Jubilee's comment about asking if anyone else wanted to go on her date "literally" hurt a lot of girls. And she threw in yet another "literally" in for good measure. Ben stands up for Jubilee. Not good for Amber, but she already has a rose.

Ben sits with them all like the cocktail party is ending, and Lace calls Ben outside. She thinks she won't get a rose if she doesn't get to talk to Ben, but I honestly like her chances better if she keeps her mouth shut.

Lace is teary, telling Ben he's amazing and that she's mad at herself for the way she's been acting. She says she has a lot of work she needs to do on herself. Maybe she should go home. She quotes her tattoo: "You can't love someone else until you truly love yourself." And she's not sure that she truly loves herself. So she's offering to go and he doesn't put up a fight. He hugs her and says thanks, then walks off. Not too upset about it.

Rose ceremony time. Remember, Jubilee, Lauren B. and Amber are pre-rosed.

  1. Lauren H. the kindy-garten teacher
  2. Amanda the mom
  3. Becca the virgin
  4. Haley, ditz sister #1
  5. Emily, ditz sister #2
  6. Rachel the hoverboarder
  7. Caila
  8. JoJo
  9. Bennifer
  10. Leah the jock
  11. Ugly Toes Olivia
That's a total of 14 coming back next week. Of those, I honestly don't know 6 of them. So all this just to lose two women (not including Lace).

Shushanna didn't get a rose. Neither did the Canadian Jami, who felt like she "literally" got slapped across the face. Her lesson from her experience is to never expect anything from humans. And Lace already excused herself. That's it.

Olivia is proving herself to be this season's delusional one. She talked about the non-verbal communication she has with Ben. For example, when he gave her the (last) rose (usually a producer's pick), he gave her a little squeeze at the waist. Clearly he does that with no one else, so they must have something special. The news business is in good hands.

Maybe I was too hard on Cute Caila. She seemed to pull it together the rest of the episode. She's still my frontrunner.


Barbara said...

I sure hope Olivia was the producer's pick!! I thought the calling out to the girls from the balcony was enough to take a little shine off of her image, but the toe remark after Ben telling of the friend's death??? Yikes!

CNoelle said...

Hey, fellow Bachelor blogger! I have been lazy about it this week but am going to post mine later today. As far as your thoughts this week go, I am wondering... Do you really enjoy the show, or do you just enjoy making fun of it? I really can't tell but either way I love your snarky tone. I laughed out loud when you said Lace would be better off keeping her mouth shut, just the way you put it. Lastly, I was curious if what you said about the last rose given out being the producers' pick is true. Is it? How do you know? Thanks for another great Bachelor read, and check mine out later!

Anonymous said...

Yeah BB, do you enjoy the show or just making fun of it? Maybe you're like Jube's and its complex? I enjoy the show for many reasons although the pool party to helicopter ratio has been steadily declining over the years so one of my reasons is in serious decline.