Bachelor Canada: Easy come, easy go

This is just getting ridiculouser and ridiculouser. I'm talking about my tardiness, not the show, although that, too. In my defence: Who knew the show changed days? Not I. I mean, I have it set to record on my PVR so that's no problem, but it says something about a show's success (or lack thereof) when the network just ups and moves it to another night. And says something even more when nobody notices.

To be fair, I didn't watch until Sunday night so this would have been late no matter what. Not that it matters. We haven't received a comment on here in weeks. Not sure anyone is watching. Or reading. This blog is the proverbial tree falling in the forest with no one around. Timber!

The gang was in Toronto this week, Tim's home town. In keeping with the cheap sponsorship-driven narrative, we learned right off the top from Kaylynn that they were staying at the Grand Hotel. What happened to a nice, subtle (and quick) shot of the name?

At least there were no slogans on the date cards this time (that I noticed, anyway). The first one went to April, who proclaimed, "Shut up!" When Tim arrived and took her out to his motorbike, she yelped, "Shut up!" I was hoping for an episode full of shut ups but it was not to be.

Trish didn't appreciate April's glee, saying, "What's that about? Quit being so happy." And Dominique pouted that she's "never once been alone with Tim away from the girls. Ever." I distinctly remember an R-rated kiss the two shared, presumably in private. But, yes, she had never been on a date with him. But that kiss was more intimate than anything he's done with anyone else. That's gotta count for something.

Tim drives April off through the streets of Toronto to a spot by the lake overlooking the highrises of the city. It's a spot, he tells her, where he actively chose to be happy and his life changed drastically. I think he's got a thing for April and she may be the frontrunner. This message to her spoke volumes. That being said, I'm usually wrong.

He asked April if she'd ever been in love and she revealed she had been in a 7-year relationship. But the dude betrayed her trust and it ended. She said trust is very important but more than that, she wants unconditional love. Tim is so smitten he took that for her opening up.

But there's more she hasn't told him. Is it the passing of her father that we learned about in the first episode or is there more? She's mysterious. She said she doesn't know if she can trust him. Hey, why bother? If he mistakes vague platitudes of unconditional love as baring your soul, that's all he needs to know.

At night they went to an establishment with a pool table. April tells us she learned to shoot pool with her father and by the looks of things, she's pretty damn good. But so's Tim. She suggests a wager: if she wins, she gets to drive his motorbike; if he wins, he gets a kiss. They've already kissed, and would probably do so again anyway, but it was worth it to him just so he wouldn't have to lend out his precious motorcycle.

Tim won. Barely. He said it was "the highest intensity game I've ever played." And he got his kiss. It was no Dominique-style kiss, but, as I said, his chopper was safe.

April liked it, too. "What if I say I lost on purpose?" she teased. "Ha, ha, win-win for me." He gave her a rose.

The next date was a group affair with Kaylynn, Lisa the Red, Seashell, and Trish. Dom was the odd woman out. They went to Canada's Wonderland, a big amusement park, and had the run of the place. Tim called himself an adrenaline junkie so they hit all the rides. And that was some roller coaster. It went way up there. Then he had the gals race each other in go-karts, the winner getting some one-on-one time with him.

Lisa's dad is a car guy and she was in her element. Kaylynn, on the other hand, doesn't drive and doesn't even have her license. But she does have desperation on her side. Trish took it sloooow. We saw individual clips of them all but there was no sense of the race. We heard Lisa saying Kaylynn was on her tail, but the video evidence saw her out there with no one behind her. Then we heard that at the end, with Lisa in front, Kaylynn nudged her from behind and overtaking her for the win. But then we heard that Lisa finished last. With the shots of Trish moving at the speed of a grandmother tortoise, how is that possible? More importantly, why do these details bug me so much?!

Lisa said she will never underestimate Kaylynn again.

So Kaylynn gets to hop in a stationary jalopy outside a '50s diner with the man of her dreams. The problem was the other three girls were sitting in a booth inside at the nearest window. I wonder if the producers thought that through... Of course they did!

Kaylynn mesmerized Tim with her kiss stare. Poor Tim was helpless. It worked and Lisa gagged on her food, stopping short at vomiting in her mouth as she's always threatening. (Side note: Where else can one vomit? Am I doing it wrong?)

Nobody witnessing the smooch was impressed with Kaylynn's lack of couth. You might be wondering why Tim got off scot-free but it was because he was helpless. Nobody can withstand Kaylynn's kiss stare.

Kaylynn and Tim enter the restaurant to icy stares. Tim gets uncomfortable and takes Seashell out for a walk, where she tells Tim that they all know he has connections with different girls but "it just sucks seeing it." Tim responds that he has to take any opportunity he can get to see if there's a connection.

Back inside, Lisa says she just has to ask Kaylynn if she felt what she did was appropriate. Kaylynn looks down shamefully and says "everyone knows what they signed up for." This is true. Point to Kaylynn. Then Lisa replies in agreement but suggests that if the roles were reversed and it were Lisa out in the car kissing, Kaylynn would be in the bathroom bawling her eyes out. This is true, too. Game, set and match to Lisa. Kaylynn begins to cry. Lisa tells her she's got nothing to say to her. Kaylynn gets up and goes to the bathroom to bawl her eyes out. Woah! How did Lisa do that?

Kaylynn, the eternal victim, said, "Others would have done the same thing but because it's me, I'm getting attacked. I just can't handle it." And for the umpteenth time she hints at leaving: "I'm questioning if it's worth staying." Trish thinks Kaylynn is cracking.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Somebody returning to the fold. But it doesn't matter. Nobody doing this has ever moved past that particular episode... Except Ed. Didn't Ed do that in Jillian's season? Maybe. Okay, nobody else making a return visit has ever made it past that episode.

It was no surprise to learn who it was. I called it last week, not that it was much of a call. And while they tried to build the suspense this week, we saw the black Camaro driving down the street. It was Natalie. She came back with dyed black hair, although I thought she had black hair anyway. Goes to show how observant I am. Trish thought the new hair made her look like a witch.

Natalie said she was there "to give Tim that time to get to know me." The one-on-one date she had last week wasn't enough, I guess. Lisa said, "What the hell?" And, of course, talked of vomit in her mouth again. Somebody mentioned it was "unfair" she returned. But they're thinking of this like a game, not life. If the goal is for Tim to find the woman of his dreams (and that's a mighty big 'if', I grant you), then fairness shouldn't enter into the equation.

Natalie leaves to find Tim. She knocks on his door and he looks stunned to see her. She asks if they can chat in the hall. Tim invited her in. He was gobsmacked. She was there to get one more rose ceremony, the one she walked away from. She regretted leaving in haste. She exuded the confidence she never showed last week and Tim admired that. So long, Nervous Nat; hello Nervy Nat.

Tim didn't give her an answer right away. He needed time to process. She thanks him and leaves. Then there's another knock on the door. This time it's Dominique. She told Tim she felt a connection to him but she just felt he's closer to others than he is to her so she thought it was time to go home. Okay, see ya!

It wasn't quite like that, but Tim didn't exactly try to persuade her to stay. He said later he realized he didn't make enough time for Dominique, the model-slash-receptionist. In her farewell talk to him, she told him, "There are some amazing women down there. And I just hope you get to know them. Be careful. Seriously." Bum-bum-buuum! Ominous.

She told us who she was talking about, but not Tim. He'd have to find out on his own about the "bully and evil Lisa." I have mixed feelings about Lisa because I find her attractive and funny. But there must be something more that I can't put my finger on because I've hated previous "evil" women who were beautiful. But I will admit she certainly isn't showing her best side. Canada's a small country, population-wise, and she'll eventually get around to meeting most of us. Then again, it's doubtful more than a few hundred people have seen this season.

Tim processed and informed the remaining five that Natalie will be joining them at the rose ceremony. Nasty Lisa said she hates Nat's "fake hair, fake smile, and fake essence." Nervy Nat said she's "enjoying throwing a wrench in their plans." She said she "can definitely see" Tim giving her a rose.

Lisa said something very deep that requires levels of thought mere mortals can't even reach: "If Natalie were to stay and I were to go home, I would know that I am not the girl for Tim. Straight up." It seems so obvious on the surface, doesn't it? There must be more to it than what appears to be something like, "If I got dumped, I'd know he doesn't like me," but for the life of me, I can't figure it out.

At the rose ceremony, we were still left rudderless, without nominal host Tyler Harcott. He's been MIA for weeks now. I don't know how the show continues without the ladies being told there's one rose left and if they don't get one, to say their goodbyes. But somehow it does.

April had her rose. One person would be going home. The roses went in order to:

1. Trish, who hopped over to Tim and giggled with glee
2. Seashell
3. Kaylynn, who let out a big sigh
4. Lisa the Red Flag

Natalie didn't get one. You can imagine how devastated she was: "Oh, well," she said with a smile. Easy come, easy go, I suppose. She didn't cry. Said she got the closure she wanted. Then she was driven home. I guess she had to come back the next day to get her Camaro.

Next week the gals and Tim are off to Tuscany. Looks like lots of Lisa drama ahead. I'll try to remember to watch on Tuesday night. Oh, God, that's tomorrow!

Bachelor Canada: Your Ad Here

The good part about being so late last week is that now when I'm only three days overdue, I look like a keener. I think it's fitting, though, that I post this on the Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like American Thanksgiving but not as in-your-face. Just like Bachelor Canada compared to The Bachelor. But enough chit-chat. Let's get on with the show.

The gang was in Nassau in the Bahamas this week. This gave Tim licence to don his off-white pants and roll them up calf-high. Add to this already fantastic look: dress shoes sans socks.

Bachelor Canada has nowhere near the budget or support of the original American version. If you didn't cotton on to that fact earlier, you certainly would have this episode when the limo pulled up with advertising on its door for a website with a .ca extension. Whatever works, I guess. Even if it doesn't.

They even got the contestants to read ad copy for them and mask it as normal speech. Tell me if this sounds natural. Trish said, "I'm so excited to be here at Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort with Tim!"

And to top it off, the date card has that same Canadian website advertiser on it. It's all so low-rent it's embarrassing. No wonder Tyler Harcott hasn't shown up in the past couple of episodes, including tonight. Maybe he needs sponsorship badges all over his suits like race car drivers.

Speaking of the date card, it was a one-on-one and it went to Prim & Proper Natalie. Lisa the Red spent the episode bad-mouthing sweet Nat. She said, "She wants this bad. It feels like this is her last kick at the can at love." Yes, at 27, Natalie better get on it. The clock's ticking. Lisa, at the sprightly age of 25, has years and years left in the love tank.

Tim said he was waiting for that spark with Natalie because the last time they spoke, it felt more like an interview. I think that's just how she talks. Not an interview so much as a teacher talking to her very young pupils. So Tim thought he'd go the old alcohol route. They ambled over to the Daiquiri Shack and got drinks to go. That'll loosen her up.

She felt they had a deep connection. But their conversation was stilted. Drinks in hand, he asked her, "How's the room?" She replied "I'm trying to mix it." Tim was trying to process her answer when she ran it back in her head and realized he didn't ask how the rum was. He was clearly asking about the whole situation, the relationship with all the other women, etc. But she answered, "Oh, my room is great." With that electric connection, talk turned to the weather.

Tim said, "She just won't relax." Lisa the Red was back at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort (sorry, couldn't resist) talking shit. That's right, she used her favourite expression again, saying Natalie was "fucking bat-shit cray." She said if Natalie came back with a rose, she'd walk off the show. Not only that, "I may actually vomit in my mouth."

The others, all supportive and polite Canadians, were getting tired of Lisa's shtick. And Trish admitted she was "a bit scared of Lisa."

Meanwhile, Natalie said, "My vibe from Tim is that he's quite interested." Actually, Tim couldn't look less interested if he tried. Her vibe-o-metre is wonky.

They walked along the beach and Tim wasn't feeling com-fort-a-ble. Yes, he uses four syllables for the word, like someone just learning the language. Or maybe he just wanted to talk to Natalie on her level. I'm sure that's how she'd over-pronounce the word, too. He told her that he wouldn't be giving her the rose, that he needs more time. Got that? No rose, but she wouldn't be going home. But Natalie was upset. She said she'd rather go home now than at a rose ceremony. She wasn't thinking clearly. It's possible someone else might implode (hello Kaylynn!) or otherwise take themselves out of the running and Natalie might end up getting a rose. But Tim wasn't going to pressure her to stay. So off she went.

In her exit interview, she said she was tired of being vulnerable. And you knew she was really upset because the Prim & Proper one said, "I need to open up my effing eyes and realize what the hell is going on." She actually said "effing" just like that. To her credit, she didn't say "H-E-double-hockey-sticks" but I wish she did.

Back at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort, Lisa was on a roll with her trash-talking. April didn't like it. "Lisa's being a bully and it's hard to deal with," she said. Lisa was saying things like, "Her voice annoys the shit outta me. She's completely socially awkward," when who should walk in the door crying but Natalie. She came to say goodbye. As she told them the news, Lisa gasped, put her hand to her mouth, then was the first to get up and rush over to Natalie to hug her. As she was hugging Natalie, Lisa said, "You're one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met." She graciously left out the part about her voice annoying the shit outta her.

The others couldn't believe what they were witnessing. Trish called Lisa a Jeckyll and Hyde. "She's a wiry, fiery devil and I don't trust her at all."

The group date was Kaylynn, April, Lisa, Dominique and Seashell. Trish and Rileigh were shut out. They went on a snorkelling adventure. You know, to look at turtles. Kaylynn, who likes to keep close tabs on her mood swings, announced, "I'm so happy right now!" But that was before she found out they'd be going shark diving. With no cage.

I didn't know that was a thing. You certainly don't hear about it on Shark Week, unless something goes terribly wrong. There were about twenty of the creatures swimming around looking all shark-like.

Kaylynn's mood shifted quickly, as it does. "I'm extremely terrified of sharks!" she said. Uh, who isn't? Seashell said, "Kaylynn is a bit of a drama queen and attention seeker. No one likes that." Nailed it. But her fear wouldn't draw any attention from Tim because when she got out of the water after a close brush with the big fish, all the other girls were already on the boat.

Except April. She and Tim swam alone romantically amongst their potential killers.

Then he took them to a private island to unwind. Dominique finally got some air time. She could use it, too, because she didn't have much time for air with that hot and steamy kiss she shared with Tim. She led with her tongue and his probed back for an uncomfortably long time.

Kaylynn came along and interrupted. Dominique got what she came for and gladly got up and went back to the others to report on her passionate lip-lock. April wasn't impressed. Apparently Dominique was with Tim for all of ten minutes. And Trish was shocked, too.

Kaylynn said, "I had my breakdown. It's out of my system." Because that's usually how those things go. You have one, then you're all good for the rest of your life. She told Tim she wanted to kiss him. His lips were probably still numb from Dominique and he hadn't moved an inch, but he told her he wouldn't stop her. That must be his lucky kiss chair. So off they went, moments after Dom was there, on another kissing adventure. Kaylynn must have tasted Dominique but didn't know it. Holding Tim's head post-kiss, she said, "I feel so happy."

April then came to interrupt and dragged Tim from his lucky kiss chair to go sit on swings. We didn't see that because it's only an hour show and we needed to see Kaylynn find out that her kiss came on the heels of Dominique's. To her credit, she didn't break down and she didn't report on how she was feeling at that moment. But she did say, "Shit, this just got real."

The last two women went on a two-on-one date. And as per custom, only one would stick around. My prediction pre-date was that Rileigh would be the one to go.

They took off on a yacht. Tim stole Rileigh away first. The Foul-Mouthed Philosopher hasn't been so foul-mouthed in recent episodes but she's still a philosopher. She told Tim she got into more advanced philosophy and "it'll blow your mind." Then she said, without a trace of irony, "I'm actually super smart." I was getting more and more confident with my prediction.

Trish told Tim she had been engaged to a guy she'd gone out with for eight years, but she just wasn't ready and called it off. Tim appreciated the connection.

They took a smaller boat to a table on a beach complete with a butler holding a champagne bottle. But it was a table for two, meaning it was decision time for Tim. He addressed Trish first and she looked horrified and broken up. Rileigh, the super smart one, was lit up.

But Tim gave the rose to Trish. Rileigh stayed smiling and it seemed genuine. She was definitely philosophical about it. She hopped back on the boat and wished them well. Trish and Tim peeled off their clothes and ran into the water and kissed. I guess his chair was underwater.

So with Natalie and Rileigh gone, there were six at the rose ceremony. Trish already had a rose. Dominique, despite the series' most passionate kiss, felt confident she was going home because out of every other girl, she's the one who spent the least amount of time with Tim. Hey, girl, it's quality, not quantity that counts.

Tim called it a "daunting" decision. The roses went in order to:

1. Seashell
2. Lisa the Red
3. April

At this point, Kaylynn looked down and shook her head. She knew there was only one rose to go and it was between her and Dominique. No doubt, she was also thinking that Dominique got in her kiss before she did.

Tim said he needed a minute then walked back purposefully to the producers. Not Tyler, because Tyler has been MIA for a few episodes now. Kaylynn said, "What the fuck's he doing?"

But not to worry, dear worrier, he came back with an extra rose. You got it: everyone would be getting one. "I'm not willing to let you guys go. Not yet," he told them. So the ceremony continued:

     4. Dominique
     5. Kaylynn

I thought it was telling that Dominique went first, but then when we saw Kaylynn getting hers, Dominique looked dejected and wasn't holding one. So who knows what fancy editing tricks were going on.

Tim then informed everyone they were going to... Toronto! Enough of the world nonsense. They all feigned excitement.

In the upcoming highlights, it looks like Natalie returns. Can't say for sure but that's my best guess. Should be good. I'll try to be even earlier next week. No promises, though.

Bachelor Canada: The lowest of the highs

I've been late with this thing before but never this late, I don't think. I had to go out on Thursday night when the show aired but I figured it wasn't a big deal. Bachelor Canada is only an hour long. I could get home, watch it on PVR, and get the blog up fairly early the next day. At least my intentions were good. Too bad my memory isn't. It wasn't until last night that I suddenly remembered I hadn't watched the show yet. I submit it's not a particularly good sign when you almost completely forget about a show.

But I was able to watch it in its entirety this morning. Here are my notes.

It was another Tyler Harcott-free episode. Maybe they couldn't afford to fly him and his skinny pants all the way to Mexico.

We started the episode with a dozen ladies and were told two would be going home at the end of their five-day stay in Los Cabos (condensed down to the 44 minutes or whatever the hour-long show is minus the commercials). But Tim plays by his own rules, as we'll find out later.

The one-on-one date went to Lisa the Red, described as "edgy" and "sassy" by the others. Tim said there was "an amazing coolness to her."

They went to a canyon where a hut was sitting on (or hanging from) cables across the abyss. Lisa thought they'd be bungee jumping, which she was totally cool with. But it was actually a 100-foot fall followed by a "death swing." She was less cool with that but to me it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. I don't see a big difference between a bungee jump and a death swing.

Tim likes Lisa the Red because of her confidence. He said, "You don't care if someone doesn't like you because you like who you are." Yeah, that's always a good sign on these shows. Pick the girl who doesn't mind not getting along with others. Always a recipe for success.

He gave her the rose. "I really like this girl. But I don't know, I wonder if there's another layer there, something that gets peeled away and she just gives her all to you," he said. Nah, probably not. Usually people are 100 percent exactly like they are on a first date. And make that 200 percent when a camera crew is involved. So what you see is what you get, Timmy.

But she did reveal some wacky ink work. She has tattoos located on the underside of her upper arm, like her armpits are leaking.

Back at the hotel, Kaylynn was regretting her cocktail party meltdown. She tried to talk to Martha about it, since she directed her accusations at the Mexican last week. Martha wasn't really as understanding as Kaylynn had hoped. "Martha's making me feel segregated. It just takes me back to my childhood and being picked on," she said. She sure gets picked on a lot. I don't want to be victim-blaming but it makes me wonder why she's always on the victim side of things.

She cried (again) saying last week was so embarrassing. Then she said, "I've never had that kind of emotional break before." At first, I didn't believe her. Then I just figured she has so many emotional breaks (she's had one every single episode so far) that she actually classifies them very specifically so she was telling the truth – last week's emotional break was different than all the others.

A four-on-one group date included Mexican Martha, Seashell, Jenny the fake Brit, and April Burlesque. They watched a Mexican dance then were informed that they'd be learning how to do it themselves and performing it in the streets. And one of the four would get a dinner out with Tim.

Martha thought she had the advantage because of her Mexican heritage. Seashell was anxious because she thought she sucked. Jenny's dancing is limited to the sprinkler. And despite being a burlesque performer, April can't really dance.

But they look fantastic. Not their moves; their traditional Mexican costumes. They get out there and a crowd gathers. They do their thing. It wasn't good but at the same time, there's not much movement involved so they can't screw up too badly. I'm sure the crowd was tipped off that these were rank amateurs because they got a nice round of ironic applause.

Seashell got the dinner date because, according to Tim anyway, she was most out of her element but had fun with it. In reality, it's because he was going to take her no matter what. He just had to come up with a reason for the others.

There was a range of discontentedness amongst the others. Jenny was "bummed," while April Burlesque was "bummed."

Tim called Seashell a "sweet, girl-next-door type." They talked about past relationships. She revealed she's had two long-term relationships. The first one cheated on her, while the second one cheated on her. Then she asked Tim if he'd even been cheated on. I thought the more pointed question would have been if he's ever cheated on anyone. Anyway, turns out he has been cheated on, too.

They shared a long, slo-mo kiss at the dinner table then rested their chins on each others' shoulders.

The next date card was for Prim & Proper Natalie, the Foul-Mouthed Philosopher Rileigh, April Beauty, someone I didn't catch, Miss Trish the pageant queen, and Christine. It wasn't until the rose ceremony that I figured out the one I didn't catch. It was Dominique who I don't think has said a word in three episodes. I forgot all about her.

Their date was to be a beach volleyball game. Finally! That's something they couldn't do in rainy and cold Vancouver.

If you're keeping track at home, that left weepy Kaylynn as the only one of the twelve without any Tim-time. She had been hoping she'd get to go on a date to show him she's not really like she was at the last ceremony. Even though she's exactly like that.

Being shut out of the dates, she went from "the highest high to the lowest low in a matter of days." Not sure of her definition of "highest high" is because we haven't seen it. But I get the impression she goes from high highs to low lows several times through the course of a single day.

She went off to Tim's room to talk. Tim has tons of patience. In the understatement of the season, he told her he knows she's an emotional person. She took full responsibility for last week's meltdown, which impressed Tim no end. It also got him thinking. He suddenly realized how rushed everything is. He was stricken with a sense of urgency. So he made a decision that he thinks will get him more time with the women, but one that might not make everyone happy. He thinks it's the right thing to do.

The chosen six were decked out in their beach volleyball bikinis when Tim arrived to break the news that he doesn't think watching anyone play beach volleyball will help him decide anything. He's now seen them in their very revealing beach volleyball bikinis and his decision has been made. He cancels the date and tells them he's just going to hang out with everyone all day.

April Beauty said, "Now it's a frickin' 12-on-1." She said it's hard for her to step on toes and fight for his attention. "It just sucks." But she clearly devised a plan to get his attention. She'd sulk.

Trish said it was "totally not fair." She was annoyed. "It's not how I want to spend my day."

But Prim & Proper Natalie would make the best of it. She said, in perfect diction, "I know that I'm into him because of these feelings I'm getting inside." That doesn't read as funny as it sounded coming out of her mouth.

Her goal was to impress upon Tim that she wasn't as proper as she appears to be. She wanted him to know that she drives a Camaro. "I think it's kind of bad-ass. I like it," she said. She has an adventurous side. "Don't judge a book by its cover," she told him.

Lisa the Red thinks Natalie is insecure. "There's a lot of issues going on with that girl," she said. "I can see it."

The sulking April Beauty put her plan in motion, running away from the group to go stand by the water, reflecting on her situation (but really waiting for Tim). She didn't have to wait long. Tim dusted off his David Hasselhoff impersonation and ran after her.

She said she wanted to collect her thoughts and hadn't done that yet and didn't want him there at that time. That's a good one!

Lisa the Red didn't empathize: "These girls' initial reaction is to cry when something's not going their way," she said. "I just don't get it." This girl is tough. She probably didn't even cry when she was getting her armpit tattoos.

April Beauty told Tim at the water that she just wanted to have fun and get tipsy and swim in the ocean. So Tim picked her up and headed into the water. Beauty said, "I feel like he's a Greek god and if I look I turn to stone." Not sure that's a compliment as Medusa was a Greek monster with a hideous female face that turned onlookers into stone. But I'm sure the sentiment was more positive than that.

Trish said she'd have rather played volleyball than watch Tim frolic in the ocean with April. When Tim stopped frolicking, he was hit with "incredible tension." Time for a new idea. Sure, since his last one was such a winner. "This is not how I wanted this date to go," he said. "It's obvious that what I'm doing isn't working. I need to make some drastic changes if I want that to turn around."

His brainstorm was to send an extra two bodies home, for a total of four. Trisha bawled at the news. But Tim said he needs to focus on women he has the strongest connection with.

We didn't get to see the cocktail party for their last-ditch efforts to stick around so we cut right to the rose ceremony. Remember, Lisa the Red already possessed a flower, leaving seven more to hand out. They went in order to:

1. Kaylynn. I'm not even joking about that! No doubt she was back to her highest high.
2. Trish, the bawler. Um, okay.
3. Seashell
4. April the Beautiful Sulker
5. Prim & Proper Natalie
6. Dominique. This is when I went, "What?" Had no idea she was still on the show.
7. The Foul-Mouthed Five-Foot Philosopher Rileigh.

In other words, all (or mostly) the white ones left. Kaylynn being the lone exception (I think). That meant all (or mostly) the non-white ones were going home: Mexican Martha, April Burlesque, Fake Brit Jenny, and Christine. April being the lone exception. 1-2-3 Bam!

That's it. The final eight and Tim will be off to the Bahamas next week. I wonder if Tyler Harcott will get to go, too.

Oh, and hey, follow me on Twitter already, would ya? @BachelorBlogger