Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Week 11: That's all, folks

Well, I'm certainly glad I didn't blog about this latest season of The Bachelor after Molly dissed us bloggers. That was quite a smackdown. At least even when I did write about the show, I was always nothing less than respectful.

(Denial is healthy.)

Forthwith are my final random thoughts (not a blog!) on this season:

* The old saying "it's all over but the crying" predates this series obviously. The crying precedes the ending. And, boy, there was lots of it. I even welled up a couple of times. In my defense, I think it's that time of month, though. Proof that if you watch this show long enough, you develop unnaturally high levels of estrogen.

* Congratulations to Chantal. She was the clear winner this season. She got the same prime time network exposure as Miss Emily, didn't have to end up with the Bear, and apparently has found love in the real world. Well done.

* I kinda wish the recap-loving producers had juxtaposed footage from Mr. Brad's first foray into Bachelorhood so we could contrast and compare. I was curious about his family's reaction the first time. Surely they were included then. Was Brad pretending to be considering both of them? Did Neal Lane make an appearance with the rings then? Did Brad keep the ring when he didn't give it out to either woman? Enquiring minds want to know!

* When Mr. Brad wept at the sight of his family in South Africa, his twin bro said, "It's all right, buddy." What the hell kind of sibling is that? Where's the endless merciless ribbing? That's what brothers are for.

* I think this was the first season where I really liked both final contestants. And the first time I didn't have a really good sense who was going to be picked. Well done, producers. You got me this time, but I'll be back non-blogging for the Bachelorette on May 23. You won't fool me again. When Chantal rang the doorbell, Mr. Brad said he wanted to spend some time with "my girl". I thought, okay, it's gotta be Chantal. We'll talk about that a bit further down.

* Chantal was so head-over-heels in love I kinda wanted her to lose. Is that mean? I think so, but come on, it's on TV so it can't be real.

* Loved Miss Emily's greetings of the family. While there were hugs all around from Chantal, Miss Emily stiff-armed them all with fully extended handshakes. Gotta love that Emily!

* When Miss Emily told Mr. Brad's family about her tragic past, even though I'd heard it numerous times already, I teared up. (No actual tears fell from my face, for the record.) I think Mr. Brad greased the wheel with his blubbering earlier.

* I know the franchise is all about young, beautiful single people but isn't it also ostensibly about creating unions and from those unions potential human life? But they sure didn't make a case for parenthood last night, did they? From Mr. Brad's brothers to Miss Emily, they made it seem like being a father was the worst thing in the world. No more watching sports, no more drinking beer, no more fun. Well, unless you consider spending all your spare time in hospital emergency wards fun.

* When Mr. Brad was still leading Chantal (and us) on, and I didn't know who he should choose, I was thinking he should just join a Mormon sect and marry them both.

* Mr. Brad's family unanimously fell in love with Miss Emily. Mr. Brad said his mom was a "pretty good judge of character." Um, except for, you know, Mr. Brad's dad.

* On the shark date, Chatal was busting out of her diving suit like Jacqueline Bissett in The Deep. On a side note, why are there no images of that? Best I could find was Kelly Brook in some commercial.

* Mr. Brad described the outing with Chantal as, "perfect date, perfect girl, perfect experience." Obviously, not perfect enough. Another example of why she was so pissed when she was told he had fallen in love with "someone else". And his explanation on the After the Final Rose episode wasn't very convincing. She deserved to be there? He admitted he fell in love with Emily early into the process. Fair enough. But then why lead anybody else on the way he did? Yeah, yeah, it's a show but, as Miss Emily rightfully said when discussing her manic Mondays watching the show, why give her more amunition for their "knock-down, drag-out" fights? Calling Chantal "my girl" and "perfect" and making out like he means it when he knows he's in love with Emily is going beyond the call of duty.

* We got a bit of a taste of Miss Emily "poking the bear" when Mr. Brad asked her to give him a chance to be little Rickey's father. Miss Emily innocently asked, "What does that mean to you?" and he got visibly upset and started sweating. That was with the cameras rolling so it was no real surprise to learn that Mr. Brad has "a temper" in real life. She asked if he knows it's not all fun and games and there'd be bad parts, too. It seemed like a total miscommunication to me. He could have answered, simply, "Totally", but instead he left in a huff.

* Are there no jewelers on the continent? They had to fly Neal Lane all the way to South Africa for his 15 seconds of airtime?

* Worst line of the episode came from Miss Emily whether Mr. Brad would choose her or Chantal: "... the fact it could be the be the best day of my life or the worst day of my life scares me to death." Did I waste my near-tears? Knowing what we know of her life, surely she's had one day a little worse than the prospects of Brad Womack not choosing her. Although, now that I think about it, she didn't explicitly state which was which. Maybe the worst day would be Mr. Brad choosing her. That I'd buy.

* Does Mr. Brad own a razor?

* When he started out his alter speech to Chantal with, "Where do I begin?" I thought it was her. Turns out he said the exact same thing to Miss Emily. Classy. Another reason both women were upset. Then when he told Chantal, "I have strong feelings for someone else," (hmm, who could that be?), she immediately broke down, just as we all thought she would. Poor dear. I really felt for her. That's gotta be a looooong flight home from South Africa. Brad: "You all right?" Chantal: "No." Brad: "You wanna talk to me?" Chantal: "I don't know what to say." And what could she say, really? Well, for one, she could have told him she was carrying his love child. That was pretty apparent. She was pregnant, right? Then when we saw her crying in the limo, I got all verklempt again.

* In the limo, Chantal said, "Part of me is sscared I'm not gonna find love." Well, we learned that she has since moved on and found somebody else. But even if she didn't, there's always Bachelor cruises and Bachelor Pad.

* When Brad was trying to deke out Miss Emily at the alter before declaring his forever love, there wasn't a hint of worry on her face. I really believe she'd have been fine either way. When he got down on one knee, she was smiling but didn't look too over-the-moon or all that surprised. She is one unflappable broad. At the wrap show, Chris Harrison called it "one of the most emotional finals in Bachelor history." But the proposal wasn't; it was watching Chantal get dumped that was emotional.

* After Mr. Brad does his Cheshire Cat impression, grinning ear to ear about his love for Miss Emily, Harrison reveals they had broken up earlier. It was at this point that I started to see Mr. Brad as kind of a stalker. He kept saying stuff like, "I'm not letting her go." Hey Bradley, if she wants out, you have to let her go.

* So we find out they've been fighting like cats and dogs, she won't move to Austin any time soon until they figure stuff out, she's got a feistiness to her and he's got a "bit of a temper" and is "pretty volatile". Sounds like a match made in heaven, doesn't it? Yet, through all that, they at least looked like they were really in love with each other. Still, though, I wouldn't put money on them augmenting the Bachelor triumvirate of power couples. Miss Emily struck me as very wise. She said she's trying to figure out what's reality TV and what's her reality. I'm betting her reality won't have Mr. Brad in it for long. But I've been wrong three times before. And Ali and Roberto aren't married yet so that may yet be amended to two times. (I just learned – maybe I had forgotten – Jillian dumped Ed!)

* Still no announcement on the new Bachelorette. Come on, producers. Shawntel the Undertaker would be a natural. Make it happen.

That's all she wrote, people. Hope you enjoyed the non-blogging this season. See you in a couple of months.


Anonymous said...

Come on guy, where have you been? The new Bachelorette is Ashley H! She was on the Jimmy Kimmel show the night after the Finale of the Bachelor. You didn't think she got a make-over for no reason, did you???!!! I would have rather they chose Shawntel, too, though.

Anonymous said...

Great recap, you're hilarious!

Guy MacPherson said...

Ashley H?! The dentist wannabe? I had no idea. Why didn't they say anything? Who watches Kimmel? I'll have to think long and hard about her as the new 'ette. I preferred the old Ashley. And Shawntel over anyone.

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