Monday, July 11, 2011

Week 7: Nice guys finish last

The holidays are over and we're back to reality. Or at least reality TV. Just to drive the point home, the fellas walk en masse into a square in Tapei and stop on a line about 20 feet from Chris Harrison, who addresses them without the aid of a megaphone. That was natural.

In this episode, JP went from good guy to green-eyed monster. Every season one person becomes the raving jealous lunatic. Who'd a thunk it would be easy-going JP? Okay, he wasn't a raving lunatic; just a quiet, surly whiner. Red flag? I'd think so, but apparently Ashley thought it was charming. It worked for him. He got a pity rose with his woe-is-me routine. I know jealousy is a natural human reaction and it's more how we deal with our jealousy than the jealousy itself that matters. But considering how long they've known each other and the situation they're in, what to make of JP's sullenness and possessiveness? In a real relationship, what form would it take? Is he the type to put shackles on his wife and tell her what to wear or who she can see? I'm not saying that's the case at all, but when you can't control your emotions and pout like a teenaged girl when cameras are rolling all around you and millions are watching, it's gotta make you wonder.

We also learned that her relationship with Constantine is moving the most slowly, according to Ash, but he's still around. I'm sure that'll make the gentlemen sent home feel better. Constantine doesn't even pretend to be all that into her. Maybe the playing-hard-to-get angle really does work. When she asked him if he thinks this relationship can possibly work for him, he replies that yes, it could "if I fall in love." And Ashley nods knowingly and approvingly. I'm thinking, did she not hear him? Also, he's Greek, and if I know one gross stereotype about Greeks is that they like to marry each other. Last I checked, our heroine is not named Ashley Hebertopoulos. (Yes, I have Greek friends who have married outside the tribe but I like to perpetuate stereotypes.) Who Constantine should hook up with is a good Greek girl like DeAnna Pappas.

And what about their kiss? Yowza, that was perhaps the longest and most stilted kiss, or series of kisses, in the storied history of this franchise. We've seen plenty of awkward stilted kisses before but not that went on for so long. At least none that I can recall.

Ben says he's almost ready to drop the L-bomb on Ashley. No, he's not ready to call her a Loser. He's falling in Love! He proved to be a thoughtful and intelligent young winemaker on their date. After his sweet talk at dinner, Ashley undoubtedly was swept off her feet. But that's as far as we witnessed. Next thing we knew, Ben was sheepishly walking in the door back at the hotel the next morning. But he assured the others they did not share a room. Whether that's true or not we'll never know because he strikes me as a refined gentleman who wouldn't sleep and tell.

Another thing we learned this episode was that Ashley likes the bare-back look, giving the allusion she's going bra-less. She wore such an outfit two or three times. I will not make any jokes about how the back was not much different from the front. This isn't a roast.

Poor earnest Ryan was thrown for a loop on his long-awaited one-on-one date. No pressure because it wasn't a do-or-die date. But Ashley made it one anyway, sending the good guy home. He's such a positive, respectable and successful guy I was wondering if he'd make a good Bachelor. What do you people think? Or will they bring Brad back for a third go-around now that his engagement is off?

One curious statement was when Ashley told Ryan she respected him too much to put him through the rose ceremony. Uh, what does that say about Lucas, who she did put through the ceremony? She doesn't respect him? Regardless, I'm sure Ryan would rather have liked to have kept the memory of a nice date with him than to be sent packing so soon. Hell, they even made him hail his own cab! No driver for you!

I forget how old Ryan is (32?) but my guess is that he looked too old for young Ashley and definitely acted more mature. Ashley told Chris Harrison that early on she'd choose a guy based on potential but at this stage she had to consider other factors such as whether she could envision walking up next to the guy. It was at this point that I knew for certain Ben was in.

Similar to my point about Ryan's date, I also think Ashley should let the guys have the cocktail party. If you're going to get sent home anyway, don't you want at least some fun and free drinks before you go? But no, she had her mind made up. Lucas could do or say nothing to save himself. Just as well. He's the one I wanted gone. He was a good loser, though, a southern gentleman. Although he almost slipped up a bit when he said, "I want someone to cook breakfast in the morning... together." Yeah, make no mistake, ladies. He won't demand you get up and make his breakfast. He'll at least put bread in the toaster for you.

After being so sure that she didn't even need or want a cocktail party, Ashley cried after sending Lucas home, saying she's not so sure and hopes that she made the right decision.

And that was it for the Ashley portion of the show. The remaining time went to the break-up of Emily and Brad. Who had July in the pool? Well done.

I don't think Chris Harrison is clear on the definition of "some". In his intro to Miss Emily, he mentioned that "some" Bachelor/ette couples have gotten married and started families and that "some" couples who've gotten engaged on the show have since broken up. In Harrison's world, "some" can mean either "one" or "all but one".

When Miss Emily, the leggy blond stepped out of the limo to greet Harrison, you could practically hear Bentley hyperventilating. And when she used his phrase, "dot dot dot", I'm sure he was already calling the producers and signing up for Bachelor Pad in hopes she'd be there. Or will she be the next B'ette?

We didn't learn anything about their breakup. The classy southern lady won't say a bad word about Mr. Womack, nor will she tolerate others speaking ill of the man but suggested she didn't have reassurance he'd stick around with her forever. And yet she believes the paparazzi hiding in her bushes will stick around forever, so who knows? She's apparently not familiar with the concept of Andy Warhol's famous prediction.

Next week, it's the hometown visits. Are you tingly with excitement? Me, neither, but we've invested this much time, we can't bail now.

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