Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Bachelor Pad 2: Are we doing this?

Who's in for Bachelor Pad? Anyone? Who got scared away by the 3-hour time slot? God, I loves me some Bachelor action, but three hours? Yeah, yeah, I watched it, but still.

It was a fun premier episode but I'm such a sore loser when the people I want out aren't voted out, it spoils the whole thing for me. How are the two dimmest bulbs in the house the power couple? Why is anyone following their lead? I just don't get it. Makes absolutely no sense. Didn't they watch Vienna and Kasey on their respective seasons? What am I missing?

The show did a great job, for the most part, of re-introducing us to the characters and giving their back story. I won't recap it all here for you because I'm guessing you watched it. I'll just offer a few opinions each week.

Obviously the big storyline was the reunion, of sorts, of Jake and Vienna. If the world had any sympathy for Vienna after the break-up that shook the world, I think it's safe to say it has vanished. She remains a duplicitous nut-job. The fact she's hooked up with Batty Kasey is awesome. We here at Bachelor Blog wish them the best. The Wrassler (still one of my favourite guys of all time on this show) said it best when he described this power couple as Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

Actually, the Wrassler had lots of good lines tonight. He called Alli a drunken moron and a 24-year-old with big fake boobs, and got Kasey again by calling him King Ding-a-Ling. The only person who makes me laugh more than the Wrassler is Ames, who wasn't much of a presence this week but still had a great unintentional laugh. It wasn't what he said (I didn't even jot it down) but his delivery. And I'm not laughing at him. I genuinely like the guy. I'd give anything for him to be the next Bachelor.

Did you catch the sloppy continuity? Early on, we saw Vienna holding a tumbler with a whiskey-coloured drink then it cuts back to her reacting and she's holding a tall glass with dark liquid in it. Not a huge deal, but it shows how they find reaction shots from other situations and plug them into scenes. Later, we're watching Jake in his suit at the house. Then we see him tell us he needs to speak to King Ding-a-Ling and he's wearing a ratty t-shirt and ball cap. Cut to him approaching King Ding-a-Ling wearing the suit again. The next day we see Jake wearing the t-shirt/cap combo so that's when he told us he needed to speak to da King, not the night before when he actually did speak to him. Oh, reality TV, don't take us for fools just because we waste three hours watching you.

Back to the power couple, the Drama Queen and King Ding-a-Ling found themselves fighting it out with their arch-rival Prince Smiles-a-lot in the challenge. Jake and Jackie out-lasted them in the Couples Hang (or whatever nonsense they call the competition). And wasn't Vienna just the perfect empathetic partner? When King Ding-a-Ling (I think this nickname is going to stick) sat brooding in the pool, the Drama Queen (likewise) sat stewing beside him. She couldn't contain herself for long before blurting out, "I was king of expecting a little bit more from you." Her M.O., it appears from tonight's show and upcoming highlights, is to goad KDL then get defensive when he reacts. She is so not worth the needless and endless drama.

When Jake and Jackie were given an extra rose to hand out to one lucky person, Jake foolishly gave it to Vienna because a Prince always needs to be perceived as a Prince. He wanted one little sit-down with the royal couple and he was contrite and apologetic for raising his voice to her on national TV. To his face, Vienna looked touched. Maybe she was, who knows? But once she had time to compose herself, she said it was torture having to sit and listen to him, saying "it literally made me sick". She then called him a phony robot and a complete monster. To prove her undying devotion to Kermit... er, I mean King Ding-a-Ling... she whispered to him, "You're my everything. I'm serious." You know you have trust issues when you have to follow up words of love with "I'm serious." She followed it with, "I'm gonna marry you. And I'm gonna have your babies." To drive her point home, they go to the bedroom and she whips off her panties right there on TV and climbs into bed with the King. Yes, it was a grainy black & white video that looked like surveillance footage, but I'm sure she must have been told cameras would be in all the rooms. Let's hope they conceived right then and there.

But let's face it, that was a brutally stupid move by Jake to give her the rose. He just wanted a chance to talk to them but he had hours after his date with Jackie to sit down with them. Meanwhile, he left his best bud Gia worried about her future. Jake said he'd "seriously disappoint and confuse some people no matter who I give it to." Uh, not quite, Jakester. Everyone, Vienna included, figured you'd do the right thing and give it to Gia. Nobody would have been confused by that.

But Gia was safe, as it turned out. And so was King Ding-a-Ling, who I really wanted to see go. Gone instead were the Wrassler and Alli. It'll be a less fun show without our Canadian bad boy there but the upcoming highlights look promising. Somebody calls Blake a sociopath. I never liked Blake but can't put my finger on it. He does give off that sociopath vibe, though, so maybe that's it. We'll see. Then we have King Ding-a-Ling saying his beloved Drama Queen is more of a fame whore than Jake. And the Queen implies that she cares more about the money than she does the man she wants to make babies with.

Usually at the end of every show we get to see some bloopers or funny little segment that never made it to air. Tonight they decided to go the skit route by having the Masked Man climb the fence, peep in through the window, then take a dump while reading a People magazine about Ashley and Bentley. Boo to this. The reality is manufactured enough in this franchise without making it blatantly so.

But I'll be back. There are big problems with the game but I'm not sure what they are. I'd love to hear your opinions on the matter. It's entertaining, but still it could be better. And it still bugs the hell out of me that they don't announce the votes on the elimination. I want to know who all received votes. The way it is now smacks too much of Bush over Gore and we know how that worked out.


Anonymous said...

The problem with Blake is that he is a dentist with terrible veneers. Among many other things...

Anonymous said...

Where are ya, Guy???? Waiting on your comments! Or maybe you went to have a personal chat with Vienna to tell her to LEAVE since she feels so victimized being there with Jake. OH MY GOODNESS THAT GIRL GETS ON MY LAST NERVE!