BP: That's all she wrote

So that's that.

Not much to read here because, well, I didn't watch the finale. Basketball season started and I got home when my wife was watching the last 20 minutes. During the Bachelor/ette season, I'd go upstairs until she was finished then watch it all on the PVR. But why bother with this show? So I watched the last 20 minutes with her and never looked back. If I had been home, I would have watched for sure, but I felt no pressing need to catch it no matter what. And that can't be a good thing for a series. That would be like watching every single NFL regular season game then skipping the Super Bowl. When your fans are doing that, there's a problem. Thumbs down from me and the Fonz.

What was it about it? I liked it at first. I think maybe it's because I can't root for the overdog. The least likable people should not win in my books. I didn't like how the show favoured couples since they said it was just a contest for $250,000. I didn't like the duplicity.

So this much I know:

• Gia and her collagen split up with her boyfriend (thanks Bachelor Pad!) and hooked up with Wes.
• Wes continues to sing that nauseating song. Figured out why: It's not that it's the only one he knows how to play; but when I saw everyone singing along to it, I knew it was to ingrain it in all our brains so it becomes a hit. If I never hear it again, it'll be too soon.
• Elizabeth and Kovacs have split up (thanks Bachelor Pad!).
• David's still arrogant.
• Natalie's still vapid.
• When Michelle called out Tenley, all Tenley could do was apologize, but she didn't say if she was misunderstood or didn't mean to spread lies. So the apology was moot, I'd say. You can't punch someone in the face and then say sorry and expect to get away with it. Either it was a misunderstanding or an outright deceit. Only one is excusable.
• I kinda liked the Prisoner's Dilemma situation with the voting, but you know they coached Natalie on her last line, making us think she voted to keep the money. What were they so excited about, though? They were in it to win $250,000, which, after taxes, would still be a couple hundred grand or close to it. And they wound up with $125,000, which, after taxes, is quite a bit less than one hundred grand. I know, nothing to sneeze at, but it's not what they came for, either.
• Melissa is still adorably cute but doesn't have the gravitas to be a good host.
  

That's it. Let's hear what you think (if you even watched).

BP: Turncoats galore

Well, back home after a week away. That means tucking our son in upstairs, far away from the ugly glare of the Bachelor Pad. Thankfully there were no questions from him last week, but he’s probably ruminating about all he witnessed and one day it will come out. Hopefully not on the first day of grade one tomorrow.

Reader Sara wondered in comments section last week if there’d be a "Pad Tells All" type of show. Turns out there will be. And thank God for that. There are so many unanswered questions. Like is Gia single again? Are Elizabeth and Kovacs still a couple? Is the Weather Man out of the closet? Has Gwen had another facelift?

But that’s next week, when this will all be over. Let’s concentrate on this week, if anyone’s still watching (or reading). Here are my random thoughts for the week:

• Reader Sara also mentioned how the edit Elizabeth is getting is not doing her any favours, yet Kovacs, an otherwise sane guy, seems to have strong feelings for her. Ditto Krisily. She was fairly innocuous, wasn’t she? Yet the show starts off with Kovacs saying she’s the last annoying person to be voted off. The edits don’t jibe with what we hear from the competitors.
• Someone had to say it. I don’t remember who it was (one of the ‘in’ guys), but they said, “Don’t hate the players; hate the game.” Can’t we do both?
• When the group finds out there will be spin the bottle, Natalie seems upset, saying, “Are you kidding me?” Is she kidding us? We know she took a kick in the gut last week when everyone voted her a perennial bridesmaid, and she vowed to prove everyone wrong, but it was only a couple weeks ago she was ramming her tongue down everyone’s throat. Yes, even the Weather Man’s. And she said she’d make out with everyone in the house for 20 bucks.
• More weird editing. Kovacs says Elizabeth has a “screw loose” and is “unstable”, yet he chooses her as a partner and shows genuine affection for her (i.e. shtups her in the fantasy suite).
• Gwen, Nikki and Ashley were sent packing, which seemed unfair. I think everyone should have been told it was going to be a couples contest down the road. It would have been way more fun watching everyone try to hook up with someone and we could have watched as they became increasingly desperate. I mean, more desperate than they are.
  
• Bachelor Pad has had some lame contests, but God bless darling Melissa for trying her best to ramp up the excitement with her one sentence per episode. She told the gang, “You’re going to be playing catch...” (insert pregnant pause, and not just because she’s with child) “... with a water balloon!” Wow! A water balloon?! I’ve never heard of such a crazy game of catch, Melissa! That totally threw me for a loop. Man, I thought it was crazy that they’d be playing a game of catch, but throw in that kicker like you did and I was absolutely floored.
• Jesse, that classless halfwit, was all class when his partner Peyton blamed herself for losing the balloon toss. He proved himself to be a gentleman when it got right down to it. And a great teammate.
• God, I love Tenley. She is just so lovably dumb. She’s like a puppy. A really, really stupid puppy. The date card read, “Spend the night under the stars.” Everyone was guessing camping, but Tenley kept saying, without a hint of irony, “Oh my gosh, what if you’re going in a rocket?!”
• Kiptyn seems like a bright guy, doesn’t he? Yet he's with Tenley. That dumb routine (if you can call being really dumb a “routine”) could get old in a hurry in a dating situation out in the real world.
• Speaking of dumb, Natalie says that watching Dave drive the yellow Lamborghini convertible could be a glimpse into her future. This after David says that driving the car is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. (Psst, Natalie, the car’s not his!)
• Changing the contest into a couple’s contest made me think the franchise is desperate to find romantic success stories. They’re hoping one or more of these couples goes on to find real love in real life. I wouldn’t bet on it.
• Dave showed complexity by talking about the love he had for his father, the breakup of his parents, and the falling out he had with his dad. Touching stuff. But talking about his stubborn streak and throwing a chair through a wall should have been a big old red flag for Natalie. Instead she swooned.
• Finally, confirmation of sex in the fantasy suite. We’ve always known what goes on in there, but it’s never been said. Tonight Elizabeth whispered to Kovacs, “You got laid.” The icky part is that the lights were out and they were under the covers. Why is that icky? It just made me think that the cameras were rolling during the sex.
• Also, was this their first time in the six months they’ve been together? I doubt it, but they sort of made it seem that way. Also, Elizabeth uttered those three magic words every guy loves to hear: “I’m not pregnant.” No, wait. Not those. These: “I love you.” I’ve got three words for Kovacs, too: “Screw. Loose. Unbalanced.” Remember those.
• I didn’t like the deceit in the voting. Natalie was the ring leader in trying to get people to vote off Elizabeth and Kovacs because they’re the stronger couple, yet she voted off Peyton and Jesse. Woman code my ass. I think Jesse made a great point to Kiptyn. Next week it’s going to be Kiptyn, David and Kovacs. Since David and Kovacs have vowed to be the last two standing, that means they’ll vote him off. Maybe Kiptyn is the perfect match for Tenley afterall.

That’s it. Next week the big finale. And then Monday nights are mine again.

BP: And the survey says...

I think my enjoyment of this week's episode were tempered a bit by the fact we're in a cheap one-room motel on the road and my 5-year-old was awake on his bed watching the show for the first time. The first half of it, anyway. But I made a rule: No questions or talking. Not just because I'd miss the scintillating dialogue, but because I'm not sure I wanted to hear what was going through his mind and I doubt very much I could answer his queries. Hopefully the experience didn't damage him too much. He fell asleep. Maybe we'll get some questions in the morning. Meanwhile, some idle thoughts:

• Dave couldn't hide his alpha-male personality for long, could he? But he hid it longer than I thought he would have. I'm waiting anxiously for his invocation of the Man Code.
• Why didn't we get to see the boxing match between Wes and Dave? Who would your money be on? Dave has the body to pummel Wes, but I bet Wes is a better dirty fighter.
• And the very mention of a survey, Tenley starts blubbering. Love it!
• I wish I had all the questions from the survey so I could answer them. Of the ones we heard, here are my picks: Who's going to win?: Ashley. My biggest enemy: David. Most shallow: Natalie. Dumbest: Jesse. Secret crush: Natalie. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride: Nikki. Biggest jerk: David. Worst boob job: Elizabeth.
• Lots of surprises in the real answers. Biggest enemy was Krisily. Huh? Dumbest was Gwen. How does anyone know? She never says anything. She could be the smartest one there for all we know. Secret crush was Dave. Brutal. Worst boob job (and shallowest) was Elizabeth, rightly, but Krisily got a vote. I gotta admit I never noticed. I was going to say Gia would get the vote if she were still around but then I figured she'd win for best boob job, not worst.
• If anything positive came out of this survey, it's that Natalie was most likely scared straight. Maybe she'll change her ways. But if there's a new survey, most likely to marry out of spite, I'd vote for Natalie in a second.
• Ashley gets some airtime and my wife and I both go, who? Honestly, I thought she and Krisily were the same person.
• On Tenley and Kiptyn's one-on-one date, it entertains me no end to see the excitement a helicopter can bring.
• Kovacs says, totally sincerely, that in his eyes Elizabeth is perfect. I'd like to think that if we saw the out-takes, we'd see him and the crew laughing their heads off immediately after he said it.
• On her date, Tenley said she thought the rose offering means the recipient will take the next step with her. Uh, wrong show, dummy. Sweet, naive Tenley.
  
• Breaking news: Tenley reveals she had sex with Jake. She said she hadn't "been with a man" since Jake broke her heart.
• I lose a little respect for Peyton when she gushes over the simpleton, Jesse, calling him the hottest guy in the house, tons of fun, and gorgeous. I gain a little respect back for her when she is rightfully disgusted by his belching and other antics, like chugging a martini. But really, what did she expect? It was no surprise to me.
• The old broad, Gwen, says that no matter what happens, "I've really captured who I am" on the show. Oh, okay, so she really is dumb. Maybe that's why she usually keeps quiet so she doesn't put her foot in her mouth like that.
• Krisily and Wes get sent packing. Strangely, for the first time in Bachelor-related product, the people getting the boot are given some final public words in front of everyone. Will this be a new feature? It should be. Krisily calls everyone out. That's exactly what you want from an opportunity like this. Wes, meanwhile, leaves with a classy, "I had a helluva time." Boring. Big difference from his exit on Jillian's season.

And that's that. Looks like next week should be fun when three women get sent home in the morning. And we'll be back home then, too, so my son won't have to witness such shenanigans again.