Sixteen men remained and it was of utmost importance to whittle them down to 13 for tonight. Andi and her fellas were in Santa Barbara. The first one-on-one date went to Nick, the 33-year-old who received the first impression rose. Andrew told us that Nick "seems to be a skeptic. He doesn't believe in the process." I don't know about that. Listen to him gush after getting the date card: "I still don't know her; she doesn't know me. Let's be honest, what are the chances things are going to work out here?" See? Or how about this: "I'm not desperate for love." I don't know what Andrew is talking about.
So Andi and the eternal optimist go for a bike ride. They might have done other things, but nothing interesting enough for me to have jotted it down. At dinner later, Andi positively lit up just looking at Nick. I think she likes him. But she wanted to dig a bit deeper with him, demanding to know how a guy like him is still single. Always a gentleman, he didn't throw the question back in her face. Maybe he watched last season and had a good reason to suspect why she's still single.
Nick showed he's an independent thinker by saying he believes the notion of one special person for you – the idea of a soulmate – is inherently unromantic. He makes a good point for it, too. If there's one person for you and you find them, it's obvious that you'll fall in love. But to actually chisel a romantic relationship out of a stoney one requires effort and will. Now that's romantic.
So the two made a philosophical connection. Andi, the lawyer, loves a good argument. Especially when she's smitten. They cemented their connection with a long surface kiss (i.e. no tongue). Yes, he got the rose.
Next up was the group date. When Opera Man sensed the date would have a musical element to it, he practically creamed his jeans. Unfortunately for him, it was pop music. I've long wondered if opera singers could tone it down a bit to sing like a regular human being or if they always feel the need to bluster out that bloated operatic style. (Hint: it's the latter.)
The series finally included a group I'd heard of. Granted, I'd still never actually heard them, but it's a start. Boyz II Men helped the lads serenade Andi. In public. No problem for Opera Man, who told us he'd sung for thousands before and "some of the guys are a little bit jealous." Not Marquel, though. He said, ever so sweetly, "I'm gonna serenade the fuck out of her." Such a romantic.
Afterwards, Andi decided to mess with Mr. Universe (Cody), telling him that she's heard he has a girlfriend back home. Hilarious! Turns out he's been single for 3.5 years. She didn't feel the need to ask him, like Nick, how that could be possible.
Last week, Andi used "y'all" 16 times. Only seven times this week, but one expression was greater than all 16 last week: "It's y'all's house." I don't know why that tickles me so, but it does. At least I'm assuming that's what she said. For all I know, she was telling us the house was owned by someone with the surname Yawl.
I didn't catch who said this (Nick? Cody?), but someone noted that most mortals have flaws but he hasn't seen any in Andi. Whoever it was, that dude obviously never watched last season. That much is true.
Maybe it was the overly serious Marcus. Sounds like something he'd say. In his sit-down, he finally kissed Andi. She's certainly not hesitant to kiss anyone who goes for it, unlike that prude Juan Pablo! Yet he's a player?
The kiss with Josh was more spirited, though, even though Marcus thinks his connection with her is unlike all the rest. When the group date rose went to Josh, Marcus was taken aback and upset. Seriously. Because everything he does is serious.
I thought the next one-on-one date, with "pantsapreneur" JJ was only a ruse to send him home. But they had a fun date so he sticks around. They were both made up to be 80, only they must have used up all the old makeup on JJ. His was quite effective. Andi looked like a white-haired 27-year-old. But to really sell it to the Santa Barbara locals, they hunched over and spoke like they were 112.
At night, with all the makeup off, I'm not sure JJ looked any better. He spoke candidly of his quirkiness, which, in my opinion, is a little too mannered. You'll never believe this, but it turns out he was a huge dork as a kid! I know, right? Go figure. Still, he got a rose because Andi thinks he's unique.
At the cocktail party, Eric was talking to Andi privately when a fake delivery man waltzed through the set to deliver flowers and a card to her. You know, the way delivery men always just walk right into your house and find you. The good ones, anyway.
Turns out the flowers and card were from Nick. Rather than sensibly believing this was just a transparent ploy for attention, Andi was actually charmed. She ditched Eric and took Nick outside for spirited game of tonsil hockey. Nick's heart grew four sizes, as his trousers shrunk by the same factor. He now has "genuine real" feelings for Andi, replacing the genuine fake feelings he had earlier.
Prior to the cocktail party, Invisible Ron, who was finally starting to get some camera time, had to leave due to a death of a friend. One of the guys said "it could happen to any one of us here." Which is true, but given what really did happen to Eric, I'm not so sure it was an appropriate comment for the editors to include.
We also heard Dylan tell a couple of the other guys about the drug overdoses of his two siblings, and how he'd rather tell Andi during a one-on-one date instead of stealing her away for 5 minutes. But nothing came of it on this episode.
When Andrew emerged, he told everyone that he was handed a phone number. He sounded believable to me, even though I've never been handed a phone number in my life. No doubt, we haven't heard the end of this. And knowing Andi, it won't end well for Andrew.
Loved this line from Andrew: "I'm not going to stoop to their level. They're not worth it. They're three guys that are lowlifes." That's right, Andrew. Way to not stoop.
With Josh, Nick and JJ already pre-rosed, and Invisible Ron leaving, that left ten more roses to hand out:
- Serious Marcus
- Coach Brian
- Colourblind Marquel
- Mr. Universe Cody
- Some dude named Patrick
- Farmer Chris
- Explorer Eric
- Andrew Digits
And hello again to you tomorrow (or the next day, depending on when I get around to it).