Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Bachelorette Andi and Mrs. Hyde

Here we go, folks. The recap of the second episode of the week before a two-week break. Makes total sense. Way to build an audience, ABC!

I know, I know, I complain when there's an extra episode, and I complain when there's a week off. Is that all I do? Well, pretty much. But they make it so easy for me. Why not just one episode once a week on a set day and time? Pretty novel concept, I admit, but worth a shot.

Let's get right to it. This week – er, tonight – they're in Connecticut. I remember they went to Atlantic City not too long ago after the hurricane. And I know Connecticut has had its own tragedies lately. Clearly these locations' tourist boards are reaching out to the producers to bring the show to them to show the world they're beautiful and desirable locales. Makes sense. Maybe next season everyone will ooh and aah as Chris Harrison announces they're flying to Pyongyang.

Remember Dylan from last night, who told the fellas about his two siblings and their drug overdoses and how he needed to tell Andi this in a one-on-one rather than the few minutes he'd get on a group date or cocktail party? Well, damned if he didn't get a one-on-one! What are the odds?!

He and Andi road a steam train up the Connecticut River. He was determined to tell her he lost both his brother and sister to drugs, "something I don't really tell anybody." Unless you count the guys he just met at the mansion, the producers, and a worldwide television audience. Otherwise, mum's the word.

So he builds up the courage to mention it in passing. He said he went through a messy breakup with his high school sweetheart the day after his brother's funeral... Nothing... Crickets... No follow-up question from Andi. Hey, I'm sure the scenery was breathtaking, though.

Later on the dinner train, she told him she wants to see "the real Dylan sooner rather than later." Uh, remember that part on the train earlier today? Totally real. Maybe she missed that.

So he told her again, this time filling in the details we all heard the night before. While he felt the strong need to share this with her – and I can't question him on it – I'm not so sure I would have. Not then, anyway. What happened to really getting to know someone first before you drag them into your issues? I mean, he said he told her more than most of his friends know.

Andi said it was a "big honour" that someone is willing to open up to "me of all people." Yeah, can you imagine? She's just a measly star of a reality TV show on prime time network television who holds his fate in her hands.

She gave him the rose. And it wasn't a "pity rose," she assured him. I gotta say he looked a ton more relaxed and happy after getting all that off his chest. He even smiled.

The group date was right up Coach Brian's alley. And mine. It was a group basketball game. As Andi explained, New England is the birth of basketball. True enough. But it was invented by a Canadian. Yes, he was in New England when he invented it. But think of it this way: If you took a job in another country and happened to invent something while there, wouldn't you think of your invention as a creation of whatever nationality you are? I rest my case.

First they started off getting pummelled by some stars of the WNBA. Not that I'd ever wish injury on anyone, but I was kinda hoping one of the pros would twist an ankle. I can't believe their teams allowed them to play ratball with a bunch of guys who can't really play.

But that game didn't last long. Instead, they divided the guys up and pitted them against each other. As a high school basketball coach, Brian had the upper hand. I was hoping he'd be better at basketball than Opera Man was at singing. And he was. Much better.

There was some good action. Or maybe they just showed us the good stuff. Not sure how long the game was but at halftime the score was 6-6 so I'm sure there was lots of ugliness, too. But the second half, Brian and company turned it on. We didn't get to know the final score (always a pet peeve) but from what they showed, Brian's team outscored Josh's squad 13-2 in the second half. Andi was the trophy. The losers went back to the hotel while the winners celebrated on the town with the object of their collective affections.

Andi called on Eric. She thought their relationship wasn't progressing. There's so much we don't see. What I'm missing is how any relationship can progress if there's no one-on-one time. Was that just code for her having second thoughts about him? 

Then she brought out her Juan Pablo Special. Only in reverse. Instead of accusing Eric of not knowing anything about her, she said she didn't know anything about his brothers and sisters, for example. Eric was great throughout. Calm, cool and collected. He told her about them, told him he was raised Mormon and left the church when he was 26. Stuff like that. Andi said she felt better.

Coach Brian then took her back out to the court, his obvious comfort zone. He felt the rose was his to lose since he was clearly the best in the game. Well, he didn't say the last part, but that's what we took away from it. But since when has the star player ever been the rose winner?

He gave her some tips on shooting a layup, which she nailed. Then she challenged him to hit a half-court shot. For MVP. And he drills it. People, that's a tough shot. You could take ten of those shots and miss them all. But what I loved was he didn't act all cool, like he does that all the time. Hitting a halfcourt shot is a big deal and he was surprised himself.

His goal was to finally kiss her. It would have been the perfect moment. But he didn't. He told us he has "zero game when it comes to girls." He said he's notoriously bad at reading signs.

Andi also spent some time with Nick, who, it seems, packed two shirts and two jackets for the whole trip because we've seen his full wardrobe already. She said she's most comfortable with Nick.

As for the rose, she gave it to someone who continues to progress and impress with kindness and consideration: Coach Brian, who said it was "better than winning a state championship."

Next up was a one-on-one with Serious Marcus. They sprung it on us because we didn't get to see the unveiling of the date card. One of Andi's biggest fears is heights, so what does she request for their date? Ye olde rappelling off a 30-storey building in very windy conditions. As you do.

Don't they usually do these kinds of things in Los Angeles, where all the stunt men live? Is Connecticut known for their skyscraper rappellers? I'd be nervous. And Andi was. Extremely. I wasn't sure she was going to be able to do it. Marcus was just as afraid, but he impressed me with his calm demeanour throughout. First he talked Andi down off the ledge when I honestly thought she'd bail. Then as they were hanging there, making very slow progress, he drops, "So what's your mom like?" And that totally relaxes Andi. She says, "She's nicer than me," which isn't hard to believe. And "She plays mahjong." From there, Andi leaned over and kissed him. He deserved it. I thought they should have done it again as they passed the guys' window, with all them banging on it.

After overcoming her fear of heights, they relaxed on the ground at the oldest working inn in America. The rose was sitting on the table and Marcus covered it up with a napkin, calling it the "elephant in the room." Andi said he has no idea what a catch he is. "Is there a single bad thing about him?" she asked. Nope. Unless you count being dull and overly serious. He also drops the g-word and h-word pretty regularly: gosh and heck.

He revealed he hasn't dated in three years. Considering how American goes ga-ga over these people, so many of them have been dateless for years. What gives? Are they saving themselves for reality TV? Like they don't want to get involved with anyone because it would ruin their chances for possible fame and possible fortune?

For showing strength and a protective instinct, Marcus was given the elephant in the room, shaped like a rose. But that wasn't all! Andi took him over to the casino where they danced and she overcame her fear of whiny, nasal country music. They appeared to like it. No accounting for taste, I guess. While dancing, Marcus told her he's falling in love with her. A little soon, methinks, but I'm old fashioned. I predict a giant red flag ahead for her in this relationship.

If you're keeping tally at home, Andi hated heights so she climbed down the side of a building, and Andi hates dancing so she agreed to dance on an elevated platform. She's either got guts or a lack of imagination in making suggestions to the producers.

Speaking of overcoming fears, did she really overcome her fear of heights? To me, that doesn't mean doing something once you otherwise wouldn't have done; it means not having that fear any more. Let's put her to the test again. Make her dance out of a plane or something.

While sitting alone in her room, there was a knock at her door. Special delivery. They actually said those two words. I thought they only ever said that in 1940's film noirs. She opened it up to read a mushy letter from a "secret admirer." Gee, I wonder who it could be. Gotta be Nick, right? 

At the cocktail party, Andi told all the guys about the letter, saying she'd figure out who sent it. I thought that was a bad move because now any one of them could claim they sent it. But that was the last we heard of it, for reasons which are to come.

Tasos stepped up first, but nothing much came of that meeting. Then Coach Brian took her aside and told her he regretted not kissing her. "Oh my God! Thank God you just said that! Oh my God!" she said. And they kissed. He was a "really good kisser," too.

Then Colourblind Marquel had his moment. For a moment, I thought it was Urkel. He was wearing big rimmed glasses, a bow tie and no socks. Marquel lightens her mood so much, Andi told us. He gave her some UFC moves so she could protect herself when he's not around. Lots of headlocks but no kissy-kissy. Is he the last one? Come on, let's get some interracial kissing on American network TV! This is 2014!

Then Eric had another kick at the can. He told Andi that despite what she said earlier, he had been really open with her so he didn't understand where she was coming from. I'm with him. He opened up to her about his religion and family a couple days ago, and before that told her stories of near-death in Syria. In fact, he'd venture to say it was Andi who wasn't being all that open. And with that, the gauntlet was thrown.

He told her she wasn't being the real Andi with him. He came on the show to meet a person, not a TV actress. Oh yes he did! But his tone wasn't accusatory or angry. He was earnest and sincere and you could tell his intentions were good. But Mrs. Hyde came out, just like we saw with Juan Pablo last season. Instead of simply agreeing that it's difficult to totally be oneself on shows like this, and that she's trying her best, she got pissed. Eric didn't get his back up. We sensed no bad feelings from him, nothing slimey. He even said, "This is the real Andi I'm talking about"enthusiastically.

Exactly. And I don't think he'd really want to see much of that one. 

Remember this meme?
She deployed her go-to accusation: "offensive." She twisted his words, said he was continuously calling her fake, and insulting her. And what goes with her "offensive" accusation? Her "you are not allowed to use words I don't like" trump card: "If you say 'acting' one more time, I'm gonna lose it!" she told him pointedly. Substitute 'acting' with 'ees okay' and you'll see what I mean. Déjà vu all over again.

Eric was flummoxed: "I think you're reading the way I feel a little bit heavy." A tad, yes. But she'd have none of it and sent him on his way to a waiting orange Yellow Taxi. He came out great, though. Poised throughout and honest.

Another pattern emerged with Andi: Anytime an individual pisses her off, she gets pissed at everyone else, like they were all in on it. She approached them and said, "If any one of y'all think this is a joke" or call her poker-faced, "you can just say it now and walk your ass on out." They all stood around dumbfounded. The nicest guy in the place just got booted out and now she was lashing out at them? Surprised they didn't all walk out right then out of fear.

Then she practically bawled, "I'm exhausted! I'm so exhausted!" and I felt a tinge of sorrow for her. Clearly these were the actions of an exhausted person. Who isn't a bit on edge when pushed to the brink of exhaustion? Still, it's how you handle yourself in these situations. And I just know if I were around her 24/7, I'd make damn sure she got lots of rest and sleep.

After commercials, there was no rose ceremony. Chris Harrison came on to remind us of Eric's death soon after leaving the show in a paragliding accident. Apparently it was okay to show Eric getting a thorough tongue-lashing and being kicked off the show, but to show a simple rose ceremony would be in bad taste. I thought they could have done the rose ceremony and then the brief eulogy for Eric. Not sure of the logic, but whatever.

Harrison did tell us Tasos was voted off. That's all we know. We don't even know who the secret admirer was. But I'm sure we'll find out. (Nick)

So, two more weeks? I could use the rest. After two nights in a row I'm exhausted. I'm so exhausted! I'm going to snap!


Amy said...

I think they skipped airing the rose ceremony to make time for "actress" Andi to save face for letting her true colors out against Eric.

Barbara said...

I think we are all exhausted after watching Andi do a Juan Pablo repeat on Eric. I really wonder if any of the other guys heard it. Of course they got their own admonishment soon enough, just for breathing.